Greater Love
by Obsidian3
Summary: Laura smiled tremulously, tears streaming down her face. "We both know there's no other way this could have ended." She stepped back and dropped into the void.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** Still don't own Carmilla (the series), or any recognizable characters.

 **Author's Note:** Back around the time I wrote chapter 7 of Let's Pretend, I commented that while I thought the artifically-generated angst that the Carmilla showrunners had brought into season 2 was stupid (and rather out of character for everyone concerned), that didn't mean I was against angst as a whole, and that, once one or more of my active stories was finished, I might just write an angst fic of my own to prove it. This is that story.

Brace yourselves.

(Also, it seems there will be a season 3 of Carmilla. No, I will not be watching it, unless I hear _amazing_ things about it. I doubt they care, but I have even made VerveGirl aware of this.)

"I guess that's just part of loving people: You have to give things up. Sometimes you even have to give them up." - Lauren Oliver, Delirium

* * *

 _Do you really not know what's happening in that pit? God, you never paid attention when Mother talked business. You were always too busy with who or whatever you were enamored with, and now– And now– you're head over heels for Samantha Spade._

On some level, she knew she was being foolish. So Mattie didn't believe that her relationship with Carmilla had any chance of lasting. So what? Sure, she was a lot older, but that didn't mean she was a lot wiser. She would have just sat down and explained things, in that case. Gaining the cooperation of the student body for... whatever... would make things much easier in the long run, wouldn't it? Cooperation and honest discourse certainly seemed like the more civilized option, to her.

But what did she know? She was just a naïve, provincial, tightly-wound schoolgirl.

 _And are you really trying to pump me for information for a kid who isn't even old enough to remember leg warmers?_ _This is what you do. But now that you're in your fourth century, maybe it's time you sort through some of those self-destructive patterns._

 _What are you talking about?_

 _You killed Mother, and very nearly killed yourself. All for a girl who you've known for less than three months–_

Intellectually, Laura knew she had no real reason to be feeling so hurt. Carmilla was centuries old. It wasn't like she'd ever thought this was _her_ first real relationship. Especially not after learning about Elle.

Oh, Carmilla had never called her more than a friend, but to be willing to cross her mother to save her? Running away together?

Pretty much the same thing she'd wanted to do with Laura?

It wasn't just about her, though. She knew that. Carmilla had even said as much, hadn't she?

 _There were other reasons for–_

 _-and now you're rushing into another relationship, probably half because you need it to work or you killed Mother for nothing... even though this girl's a mayfly, buzzing at you with her insect ideas of right and wrong._

 _Oh, come on– plenty of vampires have relationships with humans_ _._

 _We call that snacking._

 **That** , however, Carmilla hadn't argued. Hadn't even tried to. Laura had told herself that what they had was special, so of course other vampires wouldn't be able to understand, and Carmilla obviously agreed...

But doubts had begun to claw at her.

Little ones, at first. Remembering the first time she'd dared to believe Carmilla was different from all the other vampires, when Will had been about to kill her... only for Carmilla to bite her and run off, then be fully prepared to flee the school and leave her to die.

Admitting to her feelings for Carmilla (to herself, but she knew Carmilla, with her vampiric hearing, had likely heard her... to say nothing of the camera still being on), only to have Carm betray everything she believed in by letting the vampires take Kirsch and stalling in retrieving the Blade of Hastur. Not _trusting_ Laura enough to explain even about what the sword would do to her if she used it. Not telling her that she'd been bodyjacked by the dean and used like one of the puppets from that _stupid_ sock puppet show she'd put on while Carmilla had been tied up. Knowing what had been done to her had left her feeling so horribly _**violated**_ , and she'd never gotten so much as an apology for the lies, even afterward.

Like as long as she was getting what she wanted, Laura's feelings didn't _matter_ to Carmilla.

 _How can any of these girls be a match for you? The dark beauty of world's rotting core?_

 _She's stronger than you think._

 _Of course. When you're done playing with your food, I'll be waiting. I always am._

 _It'll be a long wait._

 _I've got time._

Of course she did. Vampires had all the time in the world, didn't they? She hadn't been with Carmilla quite long enough to really be thinking about spending eternity with her, but she felt irrationally hurt that Carmilla didn't seem to have ever even considered the idea herself. She could have at least mentioned it as an _option_ in her talk with Mattie, couldn't she?

 _Stop it,_ she told herself. _Just stop it. You're being stupid._ She shouldn't be letting the evil vampire's evil words of evilness get to her like this. Mattie had obviously known she was listening, she decided. She'd probably heard her breathing, or detected her heartbeat, or something. That conversation had been entirely for her benefit. She couldn't kill her, so she settled for hurting her, instead.

A lone, quiet voice in the back of her mind thought she was just deluding herself. That however insensitively she'd made them, Mattie _had_ raised a number of fair points, and that the sooner she and Carmilla addressed them, the better off - and more stable - their relationship would be.

She crucified that little voice, because they were approaching the crater, and she didn't have time for distractions like that. She needed to _focus_. Besides, Carmilla wasn't anything like Mattie had been trying to make her out to be.

 _Cupcake, you are ridiculous and headstrong and naïve and this whole Lois Lane Junior gig is doomed, okay?_

But that was before, she told herself stubbornly. Carmilla understood her better, now, understood her motivations for becoming an investigative journalist. And so maybe she did still lie about things. Important things. Like the fact that they were living in the house of the woman who had **forced** her way inside Laura and _used_ her. Had used her to hurt her friends. She could have _killed_ JP, if the whole flashdrive thing had actually worked the way she'd thought it had at the time. The dean could have done whatever she'd wanted with her - _to_ her - and she would have been powerless to do a damned thing about it. She wouldn't even have _known_ , unless that had also happened in front of her webcam, since evidence suggested Carmilla certainly wouldn't have told her.

She'd spent almost ten minutes throwing up, after she watched that footage, trying - and failing - not to cry.

She'd tried to be quiet about it, really she had. Perry had really had enough emotional baggage to deal with where LaFontaine was concerned, she hadn't needed to worry about Laura falling apart, too. She'd failed at that, as well - at that moment, her entire time at Silas had felt like one long string of failures - but Perry hadn't been made Floor Don by accident. Even if Laura hadn't made a sound, she still likely would have known something was wrong, and still would have comforted her. That was just who she was. So to have her being traumatized by the current events the way she was...

It was too far. Perry should have been off-limits to the forces of evil.

"So... Is there an actual plan, here?" LaFontaine asked. They were the first words anyone had spoken since they'd left the house.

Laura didn't really want to reply - didn't feel like talking to _anyone_ just then - but she kind of had to, since this whole trip had been her idea. (Technically, Carmilla had been the first to say it out loud, but it was obvious she hadn't wanted to go - _still_ didn't want to be there, in fact - but had known what Laura was thinking. Because, evidently, she was that easy to figure out.) "Go in, get a look at what they're doing, get out," she said tersely.

"Great. Then what?" Carmilla challenged.

"That'll depend on what they're doing down there, won't it?" Laura shot back.

"And suppose we find that Mattie _isn't_ the evil mastermind you're so determined to make her out to be?"

"Well, that would be a refreshing change of pace where your 'family' is concerned, wouldn't it?"

Carmilla glared, but given that the other members of that family consisted of Will and the dean, she couldn't exactly argue. "Did it ever occur to you that maybe - just maybe - she _didn't_ kill those reporters?"

"Then why wouldn't she just _tell_ you that, so you could direct my 'insect ideas of right and wrong' off in another direction that wouldn't be annoying her?" She glared back. "Not to mention she introduced herself by threatening to murder _me_ horribly, and obviously still fully intends to do so the minute you decide you're tired of me. And all for the sake of someone she cared so little for she tried to kill her _herself_ , apparently."

"If you didn't like what she had to say, you shouldn't have been listening."

Of course she just ignored the points Laura made. _Of course_ she did. "If I hadn't been, I never would have known, though, would I?" They'd come to a halt about twenty yards away from the crater, close enough to see the crowd of protesters hadn't shrunk any - if anything, Laura thought there were more of them, now. There were at least twenty-five people with candles and blank expressions standing at the crater's edge, humming.

"What is _that_ supposed to mean?"

"That you don't tell me things! That you won't stop _lying_ to me!" She had to consciously remind herself not to start yelling. "And no, I'm not even talking about the whole charade at the beginning of the year. I was just some girl, then, right? But after that... That whole thing with the necklace? 'Oh, vague and non-specific things you don't need to worry about.' What happened to Kirsch? 'No idea.' Where's JP's flashdrive? 'How should I know?' You're gonna go get the sword, right? 'Oh, sure. Any day, now.'"

Carmilla was starting to look genuinely angry. "You know exactly why-"

Laura wasn't done, though. "Say, who used to live in this house? 'Oh, fellowship scholars or visiting professors.' _The dean's house_. Did you think I just wouldn't _care_?"

"I _thought_ we'd only be there until we could find a way to leave," Carmilla replied heatedly. "It shouldn't have been more than a day or two. But no, you just _had_ to launch yourself into a new crusade!"

"You think that would have made a difference to me?"

"It's just a house!"

"And that thing she sent me last semester was just a necklace!"

"We got rid of that!"

"And, what, you know every single other dangerous thing in that house?" She was vaguely aware of Perry and LaF edging away, looking profoundly uncomfortable, but was too focused and angry to worry about that. "Even if there's nothing else... Knowing that I'm living in _her_ home, I..." She shook her head. "I don't even know how _you_ can stand it, honestly."

Carmilla looked far more subdued - thinking of her past with her 'mother' always seemed to do that to her. "Because it's just a house. There aren't any ghosts there - she took precautions against that sort of thing. So if I can deal with it, so can you. Just... grow up."

Laura nearly slapped her. Her arm quivered, started to rise, but she clenched her fist and kept it at her side. "Excuse me?" she asked in a low, dangerous tone.

Carmilla, centuries old badass vampire that she was, was unfazed. "You heard me. So you have to stay in my mother's creepy old house. So what? She built this whole university, yet you're dedicated to saving it, because of who's here now. So why don't you start applying that line of thought to her house?"

There was a certain logic to that. Even as angry as she was, Laura could see that. But Carmilla was still missing the point. "That isn't where she lived. That bed - _our_ bed - used to be..." She was quiet for a long moment. "You don't even care what she did to me, do you?"

"Trying to sacrifice or kill you doesn't make you unique, even among your friends."

"And you accused _me_ of being insensitive and oblivious?" Laura scoffed. It had been during their mountain trek, when Laura had made an ill-thought-out remark about Carmilla's 'badger breath', and the starving and cranky vampire had snapped at her. She, however, had apologized for it immediately, genuinely feeling bad about hurting her girlfriend's feelings. "She _**violated**_ me, Carmilla! There may not have been anything sexual about it, but... In some ways, this was worse. Maybe you can't understand that without experiencing it - in which case, I hope to God you never **do** get it - but _stop pretending it didn't happen!_ "

Carmilla blinked, taken aback. "Laura..."

"I still have nightmares about it!" It was getting harder and harder not to shout, but she managed to keep her voice down. "I dream that I find myself standing somewhere - our dorm room, the cave, _my Dad's house_ \- covered in blood, dead bodies all over, and people telling me I killed them. That... That she made me hurt _you_. Because I was too _weak_. I couldn't stop her."

"Don't you **dare** blame yourself for that. _No one_ would have been able to resist what she did to you," Carmilla said softly, looking pained. "It wasn't your fault."

"Why not? Everything else that's going wrong is, right?"

"Don't be ridiculous. You were not the only one in the cave that night - if you hadn't killed Mother, someone else would have - and you are not personally responsible for holding this campus together. _Everyone_ should have left when they had the chance."

She wanted to believe that. But she couldn't. She _had_ killed the dean. She _did_ run away from the situation she'd created. Then she'd pushed her girlfriend into (more or less) working against the only member of her twisted family she actually cared for... even if that sister _did_ want Laura dead. And quite possibly had sinister designs for the student body. "They shouldn't have to," she insisted. "They shouldn't have to deal with any of this. They should just be able to attend classes, do their schoolwork, and graduate. The Voice staff shouldn't have been killed for no good reason at all."

"That's what happens when reporters poke their noses into places that they shouldn't," Carmilla told her. "Why do you think I hate it when you go on these crusades?"

"Do you even _care_ that they're dead?"

"I didn't know them!"

"And, what? You need to actually _know_ someone for their death to be wrong?"

"Do you have any idea how much death I've seen over the last few hundred years?" Carmilla asked her. "I learned centuries ago not to let them all affect me. I had to, or I would have gone insane a long time ago. People die; that's what they do."

"Because they're only human?"

" _Yes!_ "

"Like me?"

Dead silence.

Carmilla looked like she'd taken a solid blow to the diaphragm. "That... That isn't what I _meant_..." she stammered out.

"No, I'm pretty sure that's _exactly_ what you meant," Laura replied, hostility fleeing her, replaced by melancholy and depression. "I guess your sister was right. But then, she has known you for centuries, hasn't she? Of course she'd know you better." She shook her head. "Come on, let's get moving."

"Laura, wait-" Carmilla blurted out, but Laura didn't pause. Didn't look back.

Didn't want Carmilla to see she was crying as her heart tried to tear itself in two.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** Still don't own Carmilla (the series), or any recognizable characters.

 **Author's Note:** So, yeah, every chapter in this story will have its own quote, to give you at least a slight idea of what you're in for.

Also, rather than one chapter per week, I'll be uploading a new one every few days (presuming I can manage that), since I doubt anyone wants me to drag out the angst-fest any longer than necessary. ;)

"There isn't much I wouldn't do for you. The stupider, the better."

\- Richelle Mead, Last Sacrifice

* * *

The Corvae Corporation.

It was nice, Laura supposed, to finally have a name to put to the unknown, faceless entity that was causing them trouble this time around. She couldn't quite muster up any feelings of pleasure herself, just then, but still, at least she didn't have to just keep calling them 'the SWAT guys', or whatever.

According to Carmilla, they were a "post-occult resource conglomerate", whatever _that_ meant. She didn't know much about them, or why they were there, presumably helping Mattie with... whatever. If she'd known, she likely would have volunteered the information, if only to try and get Laura to talk to her. Everything she _had_ said had been in response to questions from LaFontaine or Perry, Laura maintaining a stony silence.

The Corvae people had been lowering drilling equipment into the crater when they'd gotten down there, concentrating on that so much that they hadn't even noticed a trio of less than stealthy college students (and one _very_ stealthy vampire) following them. The Corvae team had been bringing the equipment into a tunnel lined with _very_ creepy drawings, saying something about reaching a "First Gate". Naturally, having no idea what that meant, Laura and her friends had decided to try and find out, hiding in the remains of the set from the zombie musical to observe.

The very, very unstable remains.

Of course - _of course_ \- **she** had been the one to knock loose the stray zombie arm, attracting all manner of unwanted attention. They'd scattered, LaF and Perry straining to haul a bag of what LaF was calling "crater samples", while Laura dashed off in another direction to try and draw the Corvae team's attention. She had no idea what Carmilla wound up doing, but given that she was now stumbling through the dark, lost and alone, it clearly hadn't been to follow her.

She supposed she deserved that.

This situation, everything going wrong... It was all her fault. She didn't care what Carm or anyone else said, she knew that was the truth. Everything that was going wrong at the school, everything that was happening to Perry... Everything that was wrong between her and Carmilla.

Her fault. Every single bit of it.

Oh, she still stood by everything she'd said to Carmilla about the lies, and her mother. But what on Earth had possessed her to think that Carmilla would share things with her, openly and honestly? That she even _should_? What had _she_ ever shared with _Carmilla_? That she was a huge nerd? That her Dad was incredibly overprotective? Everyone knew those things. If she didn't tell Carmilla things - important things - why should she expect her to do so?

And latching onto Mattie as the only possible suspect for the murders, when she had no real proof beyond Mattie openly displaying homicidal tendencies... And, yes, okay, so that would have put her onto the suspect list anyway, even Carmilla admitted that. But she'd stopped even _considering_ that it **could** have been anyone else. That wasn't how good investigative work was done; Professor Cochrane, she decided, would be very disappointed with her.

She felt much the same about herself.

Then to keep pushing and pushing Carm about it, talking her into having a conversation with her sister. Not spying, she still didn't really consider it that no matter what she said in her videos, but she couldn't deny the disingenuous undertones to the whole thing. Carmilla had every right to be upset about it. For that matter, so did Mattie. So Laura couldn't really even be upset about the things she'd said, anymore.

The _true_ things she'd said.

What had she been thinking? Carmilla was centuries old, strong, powerful, ageless... She'd been a _Countess_ in life, for crying out loud. Had she ever really thought she was _good enough_ for someone like that? And to insist that Carmilla be the only one to compromise who and what she was... Admittedly, Carmilla didn't seem to have much of any ideals or principles _to_ compromise, the way she did, but even so, one side giving ground and the other side taking it was not a compromise, it was a surrender. She didn't want Carm to change, as such... did she? Why should she change, just because one nineteen-year-old girl said she should?

She honestly didn't know what she even could change about herself that might make Carmilla happy. Ignore people hurting and suffering, when she could do something about it? She didn't think she could. Kill people that got in her way? She wasn't sure she had that in her.

 _Murder her for Christmas! MURDER HER FOR CHRISTMAS!_

She winced, then stumbled over a stray rock and winced again. That had been so hypocritical of her. Even if Carmilla's overly snarky - due to _starvation_ , her mind again reminded her - attitude had been rubbing her the wrong way. Carm had been weirded out by the diner lady, and rightly so, yet she'd completely ignored her girlfriend's (legitimate) concerns. They all had, really, but she was supposed to be the investigative reporter, the one who noticed the weird and looked into it... yet she'd utterly ignored it all, until it had fairly well smacked her across the face. Then, rather than try and fight the woman off herself - what good was eleven years of Krav Maga training if she never _used_ it? - she'd once again resorted to asking Carmilla to solve her problems. Yes, Carmilla had needed blood, so this would be resolving two issues at once, but... She wouldn't kill anyone, yet had no problem asking Carmilla to do so for her? Carm wasn't just a weapon to use.

Oh, once Carmilla's bloodlust was satisfied, things had been much smoother between them, and Laura _had_ apologized for not listening to her. (So at least she'd gotten _that_ much right.) She'd also kept eating the cookies that they now _knew_ had once been people, which she'd almost let herself think was her doing some compromising, too. Looking back, she didn't really buy that. She wouldn't do the same now, after all, so that aberration didn't really count.

She wondered, just for a moment, what things would have been like, had she been dating Danny, instead. She'd like to think she wouldn't have wanted to change her, too... but she knew that was a lie. Danny had been so stiflingly overprotective, so much like her father, that she hadn't been able to stand it, even when they were just friends. (Not that they hadn't both _wanted_ to be more...) She just _knew_ that would have become even worse, had they made their relationship official, becoming literally impossible to bear. Carmilla was gorgeous and sexy and sensitive and caring and so much else, and that wasn't good enough for her. Danny was beautiful and brave and full of passion and stood by her ideals, and that wasn't good enough for her, either. She might have been able to make excuses in just one case, but with both of them?

It was painfully clear the problem in both cases was _her_.

She'd just wanted to keep people safe. To find her roommate, her _friend_. Well, she'd found Betty, but the girl she'd been friends with had never been real, and the genuine Betty (or Elizabeth, or whatever she wanted to be called) had wisely fled from Silas as soon as she'd been able. As for keeping people safe...

All the corpses on campus said she'd failed miserably in that, too.

How could she make things better, though? _Could_ she even make them better? Was there any way to repair what she'd done, or should she just follow Betty's lead, and transfer to some other school, where there was less damage she could inflict on the student body? She _probably_ wouldn't get anyone killed at some school in England, or Canada, or in the United States... The farther away she was from Silas - from Carmilla - the better everyone else's chances became, as far as she was concerned.

She wasn't really paying much attention to where she was going, by that point. The sudden tremor in the ground - likely caused by the drilling crew - probably would have caught her off-guard anyway, but she might have been able to avoid the crevice. Instead, she tripped and fell... and the edge gave way, dropping her down in a Stygian darkness.

And down.

And down.

It wasn't a straight drop, at least. That would have likely just killed her. Instead, she rolled and bounced down an incline, picking up a number of bumps, bruises, and cuts along the way, before eventually smashing painfully into more solid ground.

She had no idea how far down she'd fallen, and no one knew where she was. And really, wasn't this just the perfect end to her day? It certainly seemed appropriate for her time at Silas. For a long while, she just lay there, stunned and in pain. She knew she _should_ be trying to figure out where she was, and working to climb back up to the surface, but... Well, she just couldn't summon up any motivation. What was waiting for her up there? _More_ things she could screw up? More people she could hurt or get killed? At least this time it had been only her... and she'd deserved it, she thought.

Still, someone - maybe LaF or Perry, or Danny once she heard about what had happened - was bound to come looking for her, and she refused to allow anyone else to get hurt on her behalf, so she did need to start trying to get out of there. Her first movements made her rethink that idea, revealing a host of pains she hadn't even noticed before, including a throbbing knee that she must have smacked pretty good on the way down. Hopefully that wouldn't make climbing too hard. She tried again, crawling forward to get past the rocks she'd brought down with her, and her left hand touched... something.

She had no idea what it was. The only impression she got was one of burning, _searing_ cold... then her entire arm went numb, dropping her onto her face.

She hurriedly used her remaining limbs to pull herself away from the _whatever_ , not caring about the rocks she was bumping into anew, the new scrapes she got. She managed to awkwardly reach into her left pants pocket with her right hand, pulling out her phone. Astonishingly, it still worked, though the casing was chipped and scuffed, and there was a small crack in the screen. _Give it up for Dad and his choice of seemingly obsolete flip phones,_ she thought with a small, pained smile. Even the small amount of light it gave off was all but blinding after the kind of absolute darkness she'd been in, and she quickly aimed it away from her face. Once her vision had more or less recovered, she aimed the screen toward whatever had made her arm numb, occasionally hitting a random button to keep the illumination at full.

For a long while, she wasn't sure what she was seeing. It was partially buried under rocks, whether from her fall or something earlier, she had no idea. She actually _wasn't_ able to see anything, even when she risked edging closer, bringing the phone almost right up against it. There was _something_ there, she was convinced - her still numb arm was proof of that - but it seemed to be _eating_ the light from her phone.

That thought sparked off a chain of logic in her brain, and she felt herself grow cold.

She'd pretty much fallen on top of the Blade of Hastur.

God, she'd _really_ never wanted to see that thing again. Carmilla had nearly killed herself with it... because of Laura. Because Laura had been so _stupid_ as to think just her and Perry could make any kind of difference, that throwing her life away for nothing was somehow the right thing to do. Because her morals, her principles, had held more sway than logic and reason. She should have asked Carmilla to get her the sword... then told her to run, to let Laura use it. She was the one willing to die for her beliefs, wasn't she? She should have done that, but made sure it counted. Instead, she'd been stupid, and it had been up to Danny and Carmilla to save the day, with Carm nearly dying in the process.

And there it lay. Taunting her. _Oh, do you have a problem with a powerful, deadly vampire? It could solve that for you. But how much is it worth to you?_ No. She wasn't killing Mattie, not unless she knew for a fact that she'd killed the staff of the Voice of Silas, and was trying to kill someone else - like _her_ \- and even then, she didn't know if she could do it. That would be something Carm wouldn't likely get over quickly, if at all... and would certainly never forgive her for.

And yet...

She put her phone on the ground, angling it so she could see what she was doing, and used her good hand to start moving the rocks on top of the hilt away. It took her a while - during which her left arm began slowly erupting into a pins and needles sensation that gave her hope she'd be able to climb out after all - but she finally managed to get it free.

Great. She had it, now what was she supposed to _do_ with it?

She'd pulled it free mainly because it seemed too dangerous to just leave laying around, and because she had no idea what that whole "First Gate" business the Corvae dig team had been talking about meant. If they were trying to open a gate of some kind, who knew what was living on the other side of it? They might well need an ultimate weapon to deal with whatever it was, should it prove to be hostile... and those carvings had certainly suggested it would be, if there _was_ something there. She refused to allow anyone else to be hurt if she could do something to stop it... and she refused to allow Carmilla to place herself in harm's way for Laura's sake again.

LaF had provided them all with duffel bags before they'd descended into the crater, "just in case" as they'd put it. She very much doubted they'd had anything like _this_ in mind at the time, but lacking any kind of sheath, it would have to do. She'd just have to be careful not to poke anyone or anything with it hard enough for the tip of the sword to puncture the bag's fabric.

She wasn't climbing out of the cavern she'd fallen into, that much was certain. The sides of the crevice were far too smooth to be climbing in the dark, especially with one mostly useless arm. Still, if this was where the Blade of Hastur had fallen, she must have been near where the anglerfish had once been before it attempted to escape. Orienting herself as best she could, she began cautiously making her way across the cavern floor, moving slowly until she was clear of the debris strewn about. There was a tunnel ahead, she noticed. Hopefully, it would lead her somewhere that had an easier method of getting back to the surface. Failing that, somewhere near where the Corvae people were drilling would be an acceptable second choice. She still wanted to know what they were up to, and now she didn't have anyone with her to put in harm's way. This way, she wasn't risking anyone but herself.

And she considered that a more than acceptable risk.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** Still don't own Carmilla (the series), or any recognizable characters.

 **Author's Note:** Well, that's enough of the warm-up. Time to get started on the angst proper. :)

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." - John 15:13

(King James Version)

* * *

Laura was beginning to get sick of being underground.

She'd been stumbling her way through the labyrinth of caverns and tunnels underneath the school for a while, now. (She didn't dare turn her phone around to check, and wind up having to wait while her night vision recovered again.) She hadn't thought she'd gone that far before falling down the crevice, and surely it couldn't have sent her sliding _too_ far. Yet, she'd so far found neither an exit nor the drilling crew.

She'd tried to keep going in the same direction as much as she could, though there had been a few unavoidable turns and detours. In one case, she'd wasted almost ten minutes walking down what turned out to be a dead end tunnel, then spent nearly another ten making her way back. Still, she _had_ to be getting close to the area that they'd come down in by now, right?

Hopefully, the others - equipped with both Perry's common sense and Carmilla's vampiric night vision - had made it out safely. After screwing up so many other things, she really wanted to have at least managed that one correctly.

 _Oh, Carmilla's probably long gone,_ her mind whispered to her. _You think she'd really want to stick around and look for you? After that wonderfully inappropriate little diatribe of yours?_

She winced. She hadn't meant to... But she never _meant_ to hurt Carmilla, did she? Yet, it kept happening. And Carmilla kept hurting her, too. What was it, she wondered, that kept drawing them back to each other?

Did she love Carmilla? They hadn't been together for very long, but... Yes. She _thought_ she did, anyway. She'd certainly never felt anything like what she did for Carm toward anyone else. Did Carmilla love her?

She... wanted to believe so.

Carmilla had never really said the word. Actually, now that she thought about it, she didn't think she'd _ever_ heard Carmilla say the word 'love' in any context, about anything. _Mattie_ seemed to think Carmilla loved her, but she also clearly didn't view that as anything especially noteworthy. More like an infatuation, at best. Something she claimed Carmilla had felt toward _**a lot**_ of people over the centuries, in which case whatever relationship she had with Laura was nothing special at all.

Carmilla, however, had admitted to playing up her feelings toward some of her targets or people she came across, to try and spare them from her mother. Laura had never held that against her, even when she was at her most angry and unreasonable. (So there was one other thing she'd managed not to screw up, relationship-wise.) She didn't _seem_ to be doing that with Laura, even when her sister was right there, Laura's death on her mind. So... What did that mean? _Did_ Carmilla love her?

Better question: Did it matter?

Even if they stayed together, ignored or dealt with every point Mattie had raised, Laura knew herself well enough to know that chances were good that she wouldn't be able to keep her investigative instincts suppressed, which meant she'd just wind up landing herself in one dangerous situation after another... and Carmilla _hated_ that. Admittedly, this was only the second time, and both occasions had involved her screwed up 'family', but still... How many times could she reasonably expect Carmilla to put up with that? How many times would she be willing to bail her out of trouble?

How many times would Carmilla storm out before she simply never came back?

Or, worse, how many times could Carm throw herself into harm's way to keep Laura safe before her luck ran out?

That was a question she didn't dare try and find an answer for.

So... What was she supposed to do? Break up with Carmilla and run away because of what _could_ happen? Or stay with her and just hope one of her stupid ideas didn't get her girlfriend killed? She couldn't just quit. Simply giving up... That had been one of the few things she actually _had_ called Carmilla out on, last semester. To do the same herself would be hypocrisy on a scale she didn't think she was capable of. But just doing nothing and hoping for the best didn't exactly sit well with her, either. And if she didn't even know what she _should_ change about herself, nevermind being able to actually do it - sometimes, her incredible stubbornness and inflexible morals even frustrated the hell out of _her_ \- then that was also off the menu.

But what else was there?

She sighed and refocused on her surroundings... then grumbled under her breath when she realized her inattention had let her phone fall asleep. It was lucky she hadn't walked right into a wall in the nearly pitch black cave. Really, what was the matter-

Wait.

 _Nearly_ pitch black?

She peered intently at the tunnel wall. Sure enough, she could _just_ make it out, though she couldn't pick up on any details. There was light filtering down the tunnel from somewhere ahead, she realized. _Well, how about that?_ she thought, vaguely amused. _First time my tendency to space out while thinking actually came in handy._

Waking her phone up, she started heading down the tunnel again, picking up speed a bit. She was getting tired, and could really use a drink, but right then, she would have settled for a door. As it happened, what she got was an increasing incline in the tunnel, which lead to a wall. Or just a very steep hill. Not _quite_ a cliff, she saw, and not smooth enough to have been caused by erosion. She had no idea what _had_ made it, and didn't care. This was probably her best bet to get back up to the bottom of the crater. Her left arm was still a throbbing mass of invisible pins and needles, but it mostly responded when she told it to, and that was just going to have to be good enough.

Slowly, carefully, she began to climb.

She had no idea how long she'd been down there, or what had been happening in her absence. Not that she believed for one second her presence would have mattered one way or another in regards to what the Corvae people did, but at least she'd have had _some_ idea what was going on, maybe been able to warn the student body, if she'd needed to. But she couldn't, because she hadn't thought. She'd simply acted. She couldn't keep doing that, she decided. She needed to think. Make plans. Consider _all_ her options... and all possible suspects. Because Carmilla was right; everyone _should_ have tried to flee the campus. Yes, that wouldn't have been easy, as evidenced by the way she and her friends had been forced to hike _over_ the mountains, but maybe if _everyone_ had been together, they could have dealt with whatever obstacles there were on the main roads. But instead, they'd stayed. Why? Too afraid and lacking the necessary survival skills to try and escape? Maybe in some cases, but not with everyone. The Summers especially could have made it if they'd wanted to. She knew better than to suspect Danny of anything nefarious, but _Danny_ wasn't in charge of the Summer Society. And the Alchemy Club couldn't have whipped up some way of clearing the roads, maybe with one of their various fungal experiments?

In any event, once she got back to the Dean's mansion, it was time to expand the scope of her investigation. Maybe Carmilla would want to help with that? Even if she didn't - and Laura hated that there was a part of her that would be glad about that, since she didn't know what Carmilla might do if she uncovered evidence that showed Mattie _was_ guilty - hopefully the fact that Laura wasn't just blindly focusing on her sister, anymore, would make her happy.

Once she got to the top, she needed a minute to recover before she managed to get back on her feet. After this kind of workout, she decided, she'd be so exhausted by the time she went to bed, even knowing it had once been the Dean's wouldn't be enough to keep her awake.

She also decided she was going to be sore as _hell_ in the morning.

She made it about ten feet away from the edge before another tremor knocked her off her feet again. What was the drilling crew _doing_ , anyway? Or was the anglerfish just having bad dreams, or something? She got back up - slowly - and carefully crept toward the point up ahead where the tunnel she was in intersected another.

The sudden bright light there stabbed her in the eyes, and she bit down a curse. The tunnel ahead was fully illuminated, which explained where the faint light from before had come from. Given the sudden jump from low to high light, she could only conclude that there must have been a brown-out, or something, caused by the tremor. Not what she called a good sign. But if this tunnel was being used by the work crew - and really, who else would it be? - then all she had to do was follow it. One way would take her to the exit, the other to the drill crew. She had no idea which was which, yet, but at that point, she didn't care.

There was a crackle from what sounded like a radio or walkie-talkie, and a static-filled voice said, "Jeff? Jeff! Hey, are you almost finished up there?"

Silence.

"Dammit, Jeff, where are you? We've fully uncovered the First Gate, and we're ready to try opening it. Apparently, we can't even _get_ to the other six until that's done. Get your ass down here before the boss lady decides to use _you_ as the sacrifice to open the next one." Another crackle, and the voice went away.

First Gate? They'd heard the Corvae people say something about that before, but... Out of a total of seven? Boss lady? Well, she still didn't get the whole gate thing, but the boss lady in question had to be Mattie. Of course, it _could_ also refer to Mel, she thought belatedly, remembering her decision not to maintain investigative tunnel vision. Or... Well, she didn't actually know anyone in the Alchemy Club. Still, though, Mattie _was_ the one who'd brought Corvae to Silas. She couldn't just ignore that because she wanted to make Carmilla happy.

Jeff wouldn't be used as a sacrifice to open any of the gates, however, she found when she emerged into the lit tunnel. He was dead, the victim of a rock slide from one of the earlier tremors. She winced and bowed her head. She'd never met the guy, and he was part of the company that clearly had ill intentions toward Silas, but still, he hadn't deserved that, to just be snuffed out like he was nothing. No one did.

She needed to stop them. Somehow, some way, she needed to make sure this didn't continue. Carm wouldn't like it... But she couldn't let that stop her. If she wound up alone as a result... Her happiness wasn't more important than people's lives.

She could tell by the direction he was facing which way he'd been walking when the ceiling had come down on him, so she headed that way. Her walk was interrupted several times by more tremors - and stronger ones, at that - and each time, she'd duck against the side of the tunnel, crouching down, arms over her head, and pray for it to pass by safely.

Finally, the tunnel opened up into the crater itself. She spent a long moment just staring up, enjoying being able to see the stars again. Then she looked around, spotted the place they'd seen the drilling crew heading before, and started after them. Whatever this gate was, chances were that it wouldn't lead to anything good. And if it was as hellmouth-y as her imagination was afraid it was... Was it fate, she wondered, that she'd land right on the one weapon that would let her deal with anything that might come through? She didn't know.

She had more walking ahead of her. Maybe that would give her enough time to figure it out. If not...

Well, if not, then it wouldn't matter anymore, would it?

* * *

She was running out of places to look.

For someone so good at attracting all manner of attention, Carmilla thought with a mix of near-frantic concern and mounting frustration, Laura could clearly drop off the face of the freaking planet when she wanted to.

 _That ridiculous, stubborn, idiotic little... What was she_ _ **thinking**_ _?_ She'd been caught by surprise when Laura had abruptly dashed off, drawing the attention of the Corvae work crew so that her friends could get away. Really, though, in retrospect, it shouldn't have been surprising at all. Laura always put other people first, especially her friends, and she had an appalling habit of acting before she managed to think things through. She'd been halfway up the path they'd used to descend into the crater before realizing that not only was there no one behind her, the shouting had gone off in another direction.

Laura the Hero. It was so predictable, she'd spent the next hour or so kicking herself for not seeing it coming.

She'd lost track of the Bio Major and Curly Sue early on, though she presumed they'd done the sensible thing and gotten out. (What, exactly, LaFontaine had in that bag of theirs that was so important they refused to leave it behind, she had no idea, and didn't really care.) That was why she'd been surprised to run into Perry coming from _deeper_ in the crater, where the work crew was... though Perry hadn't the slightest idea what she'd been doing there, which was somewhat worrying. She could have just gotten turned around, but...

Laura still being missing, Carmilla hadn't spared Perry's unexpected presence much thought.

LaF had shown up not much later, clearly looking for Perry. The two _had_ evidently gotten back to the house, but Perry had vanished. Perry had stammered out something about being worried about Laura, but still hadn't been able to explain _how_ or _when_ she'd gotten back to the crater.

Right about then, however, the anglerfish protesters abruptly started shrieking incoherently, audible even from inside the crater. The only clear words Carmilla had been able to make out were something about a gate of some kind, presumably the 'First Gate' they'd heard mentioned before. Then the fish itself began squirming, shaking the surrounding area. Rather than escape, however, it seemed to be trying to get back _down_. It was still stuck, though, it's pitiful attempts at movement not even really shaking the ground down where they were all _that_ much.

Which meant the occasional tremors had been caused by something else, most likely the drilling crew. What _were_ they doing down there?

Maybe she should have investigated sooner. Because when she snuck down after them, she began hearing someone else trying to do the same thing up ahead. If the situation they were in had roused even her curiosity, naturally Laura would never have been able to resist.

She'd been angry, the moment before she finally laid eyes on Laura again. She'd wanted very much to yell at the girl for worrying her so much. Instead, seeing her there, all Carmilla could do was rush up to her, spin her around, and stare in silence for a long moment.

Laura blinked. "Carm? What-"

Jolted out of her paralysis, Carmilla pulled her into a searing kiss, fingers tangled up in her dirty, matted hair.

Laura let out a "Mmmph!" of surprise, but quickly melted into the kiss, eagerly responding, matching her frantic tension. Absently, she noted that Laura's left hand seemed a bit clumsier than her right, but just then, she didn't care.

When they had to finally break the kiss, due to Laura's urgent need for oxygen, she looked stunned. "Um, wow," she managed to say. "You haven't kissed me like _that_ in a while..."

"The 'thank God you're not dead' kiss? Yeah. I was kind of enjoying not needing to, actually," Carmilla replied. "Are you alright?" She looked at Laura's left arm, which she was unconsciously stretching and flexing.

"Wha...?" Laura evidently needed another second to get her brain back into gear after the kiss. "Oh. That. I fell down this crevice and landed on... Well, I've pretty much got feeling back in it." She hesitated, then blurted out, "I'm sorry!"

"Unless you _jumped_ down that crevice, I don't-"

"No, I mean for before," she interrupted. "I shouldn't have..."

"No," Carmilla disagreed. "That... You had - you _have_ \- every right to be upset about that. I guess, with everything else that was going on, I didn't think about it as much as I should have. And _I'm_ sorry for lying to you. Then and now."

"Thank you. I meant... with Mattie, though." Laura shifted uncomfortably, drawing Carmilla's attention to the fact that she had a duffel bag of her own hanging from her shoulder. "I let my first impression of her completely color my opinion of her, and stopped even considering any other suspects. Even if it looks like I was right, I shouldn't have done that. And I _never_ should have pushed you into this when you'd made it obvious how much you didn't want to be a part of the whole thing."

"Attempted murder _is_ a singularly bad first impression to make," Carmilla allowed. "Thank you, though." She paused. "What makes you think you were right?"

So Laura told her about the one-sided conversation she'd heard. "I don't wanna just focus on her, but, well, she _is_ the one in charge of the Corvae people here, isn't she? Unless they're talking about the crew chief, or someone back at their home office..."

"They could be. Though..." She sighed. "I honestly have no idea what Mattie does or doesn't have them down here to do." And despite what Mattie thought, she _had_ paid enough attention over the years to pick up on things. Maman had just been careful not to talk shop when she was around, perhaps thinking she was too delicate or too precious to be involved in such matters... or just not trusting her enough.

"Well, if she's not gonna talk, there's only one way to find out."

She wanted to refuse, to just pick up the battered-looking Laura and bring her back to the house to get patched up. Laura had _that_ look on her face again, though, the 'I'm going to get to the bottom of this if it kills me' expression that she'd gotten to know so well during the Cupcake's investigation into the missing girls. Laura, that look said, was not going anywhere but forward, no matter what anyone else thought, said or did. So Carmilla did what she'd come to learn was the only thing she could do in such situations.

She followed along behind her, ready to help pick her back up if she needed to.

The urge to drag Laura back to safety increased when they found the first dead body. Unlike the man Laura had found earlier, there was nothing natural about this death: someone had slammed a pickaxe through his skull.

The next body, about ten meters up the passageway, had been jackhammered into the floor. Literally.

As for the one after that... Her best guess involved the use of flares. Stuffed down the man's throat.

"What are they _doing_ down here?!" Laura asked, horrified as she edged past the latest body. Carmilla wasn't sure whether to be proud or alarmed that even the increasing amounts of gore weren't enough to make Laura turn back. Though, really, this wasn't nearly as bad as the Voice murders had been...

She went with frustrated, instead. "Dying," she snapped. "So why don't we go back to the house, before we're next?"

"Without finding out what caused all this?" Laura shot back. "Then we'd never know if it was coming for _us_ or not, and wouldn't have any warning if it did."

Which was true, dammit, frustrating her all the more. Perry was making quiet whimpering sounds, but steadfastly refused to leave her friends alone down there. LaF had even offered to head back with her, but she wouldn't hear it. Given all the other trauma she'd recently endured...

Well, even Carmilla was a little impressed.

They emerged into the main dig site... and stopped in their tracks. The workers in the tunnel had looked like they'd been killed by their colleagues, but whatever had done that hadn't gotten the rest of the crew.

They'd been burned alive, reduced to charred lumps on the ground.

Except for one. He'd been badly burned, but, perhaps because he'd been so close to the tunnel entrance, hadn't died... yet. Given that each breath he drew in was a gasping gurgle, it probably wouldn't be much longer. He squinted up at them, as if unsure he was really seeing them, at first. "Get... Get out of here," he choked out. "You kids... shouldn't be down here."

Carmilla raised an eyebrow. "Kids?" she echoed. Had Mattie not briefed her employees on who else was at Silas?

Laura, true to form, hurried over to the man's side. "Is there anything we can do for you?" she asked quietly. She didn't yell for a first-aid kit, or insist that they had to get the man to the infirmary; clearly, even Laura recognized when someone was about to die.

He made a feeble attempt at a laugh. "Nothing... can be done. Not anymore. She said... Once the gate was open... that was it. For... everyone. It would... consume them all. It wasn't... supposed to be like this..."

"Who said?" Carmilla demanded, because she couldn't have been _that_ wrong about Mattie. She hadn't even warned _her_ , after all. "What _was_ it supposed to be like?"

He looked up at her - or at least in her general direction - and a cold anger settled over his face. "You've... got a lot of nerve... coming back here. That anxious... to get through..." His voice dwindled to a whisper. "...the ga-" He gave a strangled choking sound, convulsed once, and died.

Carmilla returned Laura's confused look with one of her own, then turned around. It didn't seem likely he'd been directing that to someone behind her, as Perry was the only one standing there.

Perry, whom she'd found coming from _deeper_ in the crater, earlier.

The idea didn't make any sense, but she made a mental note to come back to it later, when she had time to spare to think about it.

Assuming any of them had a later.

The cavern itself was easily a hundred feet across. Digging equipment of all types lined the edges of the large hole they'd carved into the floor. Presumably, that was where the gate they were looking for was.

She presumed that because of the horrible blue-white light shining up from within the hole, moving and fluctuating, a roaring sound ebbing and flowing in time with it.

She didn't let it distract her for long, but it was long enough for Laura, back on her feet, to move forward onto the metal catwalk the crew had begun erecting across the hole. It only made it maybe an eighth of the way, but that was apparently far enough to let her get a good look at the problem. Carmilla actually froze in the act of reaching out to drag her back, understanding why it had mesmerized her so.

The gate - and that's what it really had to be - looked a whirlpool of energy, swishing and churning in multiple directions at once. The outer boundary was clearly defined, the color more blue there than anywhere else, becoming whiter and harder to make out details the closer it got to the center. "He was right. It's open," Laura said unnecessarily. "Those men in the tunnel... They must have been the sacrifice that guy on the radio was talking about. But either something went wrong, or it went horribly right, and..."

"What the hell is your sister _doing_ down here?" LaF demanded.

"I don't know. Let's go ask." Because even Carmilla was appalled by what she was seeing in that chamber.

It took a moment for anyone to realize Laura wasn't following them.

"Do you believe in fate?"

Carmilla frowned uncertainly. "Cupcake...?"

"I know you love philosophy. The idea that you can be meant to be at a certain place at a certain time... Do you think there's something to that?" A sudden tremor shook the room, stronger than any of the others. The churning gate began getting even brighter.

"We can talk about that once we're back on the surface," Carmilla told her.

"No, we can't."

She froze. She wasn't sure what it was, but there was something about Laura's tone that she didn't like. The shaking was only getting worse, too. "Laura," she began, then stopped dead in her tracks when she saw what Laura had pulled out of her duffel bag.

The Blade of Hastur.

"I tried, you know?" Laura said, still looking at the gate. "I really did. I tried _so hard_ to fix things, but I only made everything worse. All I wanted to do was help people. I didn't want anyone else to die, you know? There'd been so much death already. And now this. You heard him. If this goes on, _everyone_ here will die. They wouldn't even have time to run, probably. It has to stop."

"Laura..." Carmilla took another step closer, only to stop again when Laura lifted the sword, blade pointed at her.

"No. Not again. I will _not_ let you pull any of that 'heroic vampire bullshit' again." A tear streaked down her face. "I mean, who were we kidding? A vampire and a human? What kind of future could we have had?"

"Laura, no!"

Laura finally looked away from the gate, studying Carmilla's face like she was trying to burn it into her memory. She was openly crying, now, but didn't seem to notice. "I love you, you know that? I really do. And don't worry, I won't be dragging you into any more of my crusades."

"Laura!"

Laura smiled tremulously, tears streaming down her face. "We both know there's no other way this could have ended." She stepped back and dropped into the void.

" _No!_ " She lunged, heedless of the sword, but for once, she wasn't fast enough, gravity seizing onto her girlfriend and pulling her out of range. Laura brought the sword down on the edge of the gate as she fell, and LaF and Perry were tugging Carmilla back onto solid ground even as she struggled frantically to go after her. She might have managed it, had the sword not struck the gate with a blinding flash of light, an utterly indescribable and nearly deafening sound hitting them with what felt like physical force. There was a great rush of air as the gateway collapsed in on itself, then that air rebounded off of itself in a tremendous shockwave, and the cavern's roof began to collapse.

"Come on, we've got to go!" LaF shouted.

"But Laura-!"

"She wanted you to _live_! Now, come on!"

The three of them sprinted back down the collapsing tunnel, after which Carmilla simply picked the two of them up and _really_ ran across the crater, up the path, and back to the surface. She didn't care if they complained. She didn't care if they thanked her. She didn't care that she dropped them on the ground none too gently once she'd stopped. She didn't care about much of anything. How could she?

Laura was dead.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** Still don't own Carmilla (the series), or any recognizable characters.

"Sometimes the prize is not worth the costs. The means by which we achieve victory are as important as the victory itself."

\- Brandon Sanderson, The Way of Kings

* * *

 _Laura's dead._

The words reverberated throughout her skull, impossible to accept, yet impossible to deny. She tried to do so anyway, because that could not have just happened. Laura - ridiculous, sweet, driven, caring, vibrant, so full of life Laura - could not just be _gone_. Not like that. Not so soon. They hadn't had enough time together for it to end like this.

 _Laura's dead._

Lights were coming on in many of the various buildings throughout the campus. Evidently, that final explosion - or implosion, or whatever it had been - had been strong enough to be felt all over Silas. "You did it, Laura," she whispered. "You kept them safe." And she couldn't even bring herself to feel glad about the student body's survival.

 _Laura's dead._

This wasn't right. How _dare_ they survive unharmed, while Laura...? She would have traded them all in an instant to get Laura back, even though she knew such a thing would drive Laura away forever. But at least she'd be _alive_ to hate her.

 _Laura's dead._

Stop it, she told her brain. Just stop it. Tormenting herself like that wasn't accomplishing anything. Her brain even listened... after a fashion.

 _Laura's dead... and it's all your fault._

She dropped to her knees on the grass near the edge of the crater, having no idea when she'd even stumbled up to it. It was true, she realized. This _was_ all her fault. Why hadn't she tried harder? Why hadn't she been more understanding? Why hadn't she _explained_ anything to Laura? Why hadn't she just told her the truth, rather than let unpleasant surprise after unpleasant surprise be sprung on her? Why hadn't she just said to Mattie, "You know, I'm a resident - and _technically_ a student - of this university, too, so I'd appreciate it if you could just tell me what you're up to," instead of 'discreetly' fishing for information?

Why hadn't she saved Laura, one more time?

 _Why? Why why why why?_

She was supposed to be the experienced one, wasn't she? Her flirtations with Xena aside, this was obviously Laura's first real relationship. Accidentally making too many demands, not knowing how best to compromise, unrealistic expectations... Those were all common mistakes, the first time around. She, on the other hand, was supposed to know better. If she'd just tried harder, been more patient... Laura wouldn't have done what she did, Carmilla just knew it. She would have been more likely to try throwing the sword and seeing if that worked, or, failing that, sounding the alarm to evacuate the campus, to try and save as many people as she could.

But she _hadn't_ done better. She _had_ failed Laura. So Laura _had_ leapt to her death.

"My fault," she whispered. "This is all my fault."

How could she have failed so badly? Why hadn't she ever said that there were alternatives to Laura's growing old and dying while she stayed eternally young? Laura wouldn't have taken her up on something like _that_ quite yet, she felt, but at least hearing her say that, if things got that serious, they _could_ have been together forever likely would have helped significantly, especially after Mattie's hammering home how a human/vampire romance was inevitably doomed.

"No."

It took a moment for the word to sink in past the haze of self-recrimination. "...what?"

"This is _not_ all your fault," LaFontaine told her. "Unless _you're_ the one the drilling crew was working for, you didn't do this."

"But Laura..."

"Laura... couldn't have done anything else," they said finally. "Everyone was in danger, and she had a way to stop it. So she did."

That was probably true. And it didn't matter at all. "But if I hadn't... She shouldn't have done that. Not for me."

"You sound just like her," Perry offered quietly. "After you used the sword on the Light, when we all thought you were dead... Once we got her to stop crying, she wouldn't stop beating herself up about how everything was her fault. If she hadn't been so cold to you, if she'd just let you explain, our last charge wouldn't have seemed so suicidal. If she hadn't talked me into using LaFontaine as a homing pigeon, we wouldn't have handed them over to the vampires and wound up being stuffed in a closet as snacks for later. If she hadn't been so thoughtless with Danny, we wouldn't have been down there alone. If she hadn't been so useless, you wouldn't have been dead. No matter _what_ any of us said... She tried to pull herself together in front of Betty or the camera, but she honestly believed every injury and death that happened that night was all because of her."

"Everything that happened that night was because of my mother," Carmilla disagreed.

"Yeah, we told her that, too," LaF said softly. "I don't think she cared. She kept apologizing for 'getting me kidnapped', when I'm pretty sure I did that myself." There was a flash of sickly green light from in or around the recently collapsed cavern.

"Don't be ridiculous," Perry interjected. "You know full well the only one responsible for that was..." Her expression twisted in what might have been nausea. "...was..." She dropped down to one knee, one hand braced on the ground while the other pressed against her chest like she couldn't breathe. The light coming up through the rocks was pulsing, then flared... and there was a sound that might have been suction, only in their minds. Flickers of light appeared in the sky, drawn from all over campus. When they drew closer, it became clear they were ghosts. Carmilla had known Silas had a history of hauntings, but the few, sporadic spectral forms that were being drawn down toward the 'First Gate' would amount to barely a drop in the bucket of people that had died in and around Silas over the centuries. Why that ghostly magnetism seemed to be affecting Perry, she had no idea.

An explanation - of a sort - came when, accompanied by strangled scream from Curly Sue, a torrent of ghostly energy poured forth from her mouth, nose, and eyes. Whatever - whoever - it was clearly didn't want to go, but the relentless pull of the pit's spiritual gravity was too much for it to resist. Like the others had, it, too, spiraled down through the rocks, vanishing. Shortly afterward, the light faded, then was gone. Where they'd all gone _to_ , she couldn't have said, having no idea where that 'First Gate' actually _lead_. Given what Laura had done, though, chances were good none of them would ever be coming back. Hopefully, nothing else had come _into_ their world at the same time.

Carmilla felt like slapping herself. Why did she even _think_ things like that? Was some part of her _trying_ to provoke the universe?

"Perry!" LaF was by her side in a flash. "What was...? Are you okay?"

"I... I think so?" Having recovered from the trauma of _whatever_ that had been being pulled out, Perry looked more confused than anything. "What _was_ that? How long was it... _in_ me?"

"Who," Carmilla corrected softly. At the twin confused looks she was getting, she repeated, louder, "Who. Those were ghosts and lost spirits being pulled down into some kind of netherworld, I think." Or she _hoped_ , anyway, as alternatives for what could have sucked them in like that would probably be _vastly_ worse. "You'd know better than we would how long it was there." Perry playing host to some kind of spirit certainly opened up an interesting new possibility as to who had killed the Voice of Silas staff, though. Laura would probably insist-

Laura wouldn't insist on anything, she remembered with a pang. Laura was dead. She forced her tears away through sheer force of effort. Laura certainly deserved them, but she couldn't bring herself to display that kind of weakness in front of the Bobbsey Twins.

"I don't... I-I mean, I've lost some time, like earlier tonight, but other than that, nothing." Perry shook her head.

Earlier tonight, when someone had evidently set things in motion to open the First Gate. That made considerably more sense than Mattie doing so and just not caring that it would get her sister killed, too. Still, though, if that was true, it left Carmilla with no one to blame.

No one but herself.

"Well, who or whatever that was, at least it's gone," LaF offered.

"Yeah, I guess..." Perry shifted uncomfortably. She might have been neurotic and had borderline OCD tendencies where cleaning was concerned, but she was far from stupid. The idea that she'd had another presence inside her body had caught her off guard, but it was obvious the implications of that were quickly sinking in. "How long was I gone?" she whispered.

"What?" LaF asked, understandably confused by the rather unspecific question.

"How long was I gone?" Perry repeated, looking at Carmilla. "That first night... With all the dead kids and the blood, I can't tell if... if I'm missing any time." She started shaking, breathing faster and faster. "Oh, God... Was- Was it me? I don't remember... Did I... k-kill...?" Tears began sliding down her cheeks. "And that man, just now, he was... looking at _me_ , wasn't he? What... What have I _done_?"

Her breakdown was painful to watch. Not only because Carmilla had maybe - possibly - developed something of a fondness for the Ginger Twins herself (not that she'd ever admit it), but because she knew this was exactly how Laura must have felt after the Dean had taken over her body, only now she could _see_ it, which made it all too easy to imagine Laura falling apart like that in her place. And that thought was like a knife to her gut.

" _You_ didn't do anything," LaF was telling Perry when Carmilla refocused on the outside world. "If someone or something took over your body, _they_ would be responsible for whatever actions they undertook. Didn't you tell Laura something like that last semester?"

It took a few seconds for the question to sink in. "Yes... But this is-"

"No, it isn't," LaF interrupted, unknowingly twisting the metaphorical knife Carmilla had impaled herself with. "It's the exact same thing. _You_ didn't do anything, and I won't just stand here and let you blame yourself for something we can't prove even happened." Perry, who had been almost hyperventilating by this point, began slowly calming down.

Very slowly.

"I don't... I wasn't even wearing a necklace or anything like that..."

"Hopping into someone else's body and taking it for a joyride isn't something vampires can really do," Carmilla said quietly. "She needed something to facilitate it. Otherwise? Yeah. Same damn thing."

"Well, except that... I don't have a convenient target to transfer my negative feelings onto," Perry said with an apologetic shrug, still sniffling. "I know Laura felt bad about doing that, after... everything else happened."

Carmilla shook her head. "No. I earned every single thing she said to me, then and tonight." Which wasn't to say she wouldn't have welcomed having someone else to be upset with.

"You may have spoken too soon," LaFontaine said coldly, moving to put themself between Perry and a figure approaching the crater from the direction of the administration building.

Mattie.

Carmilla allowed herself a bitter chuckle. ""Over three hundred years I've known her, and she's never missed a cue," she confided to the ginger duo.

"What's going on out here?" Mattie asked once she was close enough, swiftly taking in their dirty and disheveled appearances... and almost certainly noting who _wasn't_ there.

"That's a good question, _sis_ ," Carmilla said, the icy rage in her voice making Mattie stop short several paces away, eyes wide in surprise. "What _is_ going on out here?"

Mattie blinked, clearly having no idea what she was talking about. Somehow, that only made her angrier. "What _are_ you talking about?"

She wanted to play it that way? Fine. "Corvae. The First Gate. Why did you really come to Silas, Mattie?"

Mattie folded her arms, heaving an impatient sigh. "Oh, and what exactly does Nancy Drew think I'm doing now? Why you let that girl keep-"

Carmilla crossed the space between them in the literal blink of an eye, cutting Mattie off by clamping a hand around her throat and squeezing. "If you say one more word about Laura, I will tear that necklace of yours off and crush it myself," she said in a quiet, terrifyingly calm voice.

Mattie's eyes widened in shock, because while they may have had the occasional severe disagreement over the centuries, that was a line Carmilla had never even approached before, let alone crossed.

"You don't get to talk about her," she continued. "Not anymore. Not after-" She cut herself off with a choking sound, and her grip on Mattie faltered as her anger was subsumed by grief and despair. "You've said enough," she finished dully, hand falling back down to her side.

"What happened? Mattie asked quietly, concern for her sister pushing aside any feelings her death threat might have caused.

"That was our question," LaF broke in, reminding Carmilla that this wasn't a private discussion. "Why were you trying to open that 'First Gate' we heard them mention?"

Rather than displaying anger, guilt, or any other expected emotion, Mattie only looked confused. "'Open' the gate?" she echoed, frowning. "That is _not_ what they were down there to do. That's really the exact _opposite_ of what they were told to do."

"Oh, _now_ you feel like telling us what's going on down there?" Carmilla's anger let her know it wasn't entirely gone, just yet. "When it's too late? When Laura's-" She still couldn't bring herself to say it out loud. "Because according to _them_ , that was _exactly_ what their 'boss lady' wanted them to do - and they succeeded."

"And now they're all dead," Perry added quietly. All the trauma of the evening, added to what she'd already been through, seemed to have pushed her into a numb state.

Carmilla could only wish she felt the same. Feeling nothing would be much easier than dealing with the emotional quagmire she was stuck in. She felt like she'd swallowed a pound of razor blades.

"What are you...?" Mattie looked even more confused... and uncertain. That, more than anything, broke through the emotional fog around Carmilla's mind. Her sister was many things, but uncertain was rarely, if ever, one of them. And for it to be visible on her face...

"Who did Corvae work for?" she asked quietly, fairly certain she wasn't going to like the answer. "Why are they here? Why would they care about buying up pieces of _this_ university?"

"The sale to Corvae... It's one of the instructions Mother left for me in the event of her death."

She was right; she _didn't_ like that answer.

"Wait. Are you saying..." Perry didn't seem quite as numb, anymore, but she was starting to turn green. "That... That thing that was torn out of me...?"

Carmilla couldn't quite bury a shudder. The thought of her mother, right there in their midst, working behind the scenes to sow all manner of chaos and discord, playing her little chess games with none of them even knowing what was going on... They had just dodged a _huge_ bullet, she realized. "If so, Laura stopped her before she could do anything else." Hopefully, wherever she was now, Laura could take some comfort in that. It might have been completely by accident, but she'd finally succeeded in thwarting the dean for good, and spared Perry any further trauma or violations. Between that and saving the school from the threat of the open gate, she might even think her sacrifice was worth it. Most of the student body probably would, too.

Carmilla wouldn't be one of them, though. Right then, she couldn't think of _anything_ that would be worth Laura's life.

"'Thing that was torn out of you'?" Mattie echoed.

Just like that, Carmilla was done. She didn't want to hear another word about anything that had happened that night. Or anything else. "Tell her about it if you want," she told the Ginger Twins flatly. "I'm going back to the house." To Mattie, she said, "I don't want to hear about any other little 'surprises' for the student body. The First gate was _destroyed_ , so the rest are inaccessible. If they still want to buy up pieces of Silas after that... Whatever. But if you want to be in charge of the school, that means you have a responsibility to keep the students safe, whether you like it or not. You owe Laura that. Just... stay away from me for a while. _Everyone_ ," she added with a sweeping glare that included the rest of the Dimwit Squad. "I am in _no mood_ for conversation." That said, she walked off toward the house, alone.

 _Well, it's better than lounging around all day pretending to be all cool and disaffected when really you're just miserable and alone_ , Laura's voice said in her memory.

 _Oh, Cupcake,_ Carmilla thought, feeling the first tear slide down her cheek despite her best efforts. _You have no idea how right you were._


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** Still don't own Carmilla (the series), or any recognizable characters.

"There are memories that time does not erase... Forever does not make loss forgettable, only bearable."

\- Cassandra Clare, City of Heavenly Fire

* * *

The campus was quiet.

Carmilla supposed that should have felt like a victory. They'd saved the school from almost certain destruction, thwarted whatever her mother's scheme might have been, and quite possibly gotten rid of her for good.

She only felt hollow.

She wasn't like Laura. She didn't believe in some nebulous 'Greater Good'. As she saw it, the world didn't have some hidden meaning. Every individual had to give meaning to their own reality themselves. Laura was - had been - a hero: she only cared about the physical and emotional well-being of those around her, giving precious little to her own. She hadn't been able to understand that Carmilla's actions were for her, and her alone, because her mind didn't - _hadn't_ \- worked that way. In her world, people were supposed to help each other.

Carmilla had wondered, more than once, what it was like, living in a world like that. It probably would have been wonderful, if people actually acted like that. Instead, they tended to be more like the squabbling children that they'd found upon their return to Silas, more concerned with power and territory than actually keeping the people they _claimed_ to be protecting safe. Seeing people so consistently fail to live up to everything she believed in must have worn at Laura, yet she'd never faltered. Right up to the very end, she'd done everything she could for them, genuinely _believing_ that it was worth it.

Carmilla didn't. She never had. But it wasn't her place to tell Laura what she could or couldn't believe in... not that Laura would have listened. But if she wanted to see the best in people, rather than the worst, that was her prerogative. If the rest of the world had actually been like that...

Well, it would certainly be a better place to wander through for eternity. But it wasn't. Good didn't always triumph over evil. There was no such thing as fairness. If there was, Laura would be there to see the fruits of her labor. The safe, calm campus that she'd fought so hard for.

That she'd died for.

She tried to feel glad, for Laura's sake. Tried to feel proud of her girlfriend. But she couldn't. There was nothing.

Nothing but pain, and loss.

Over three hundred years she'd lived, but this was something she'd never gotten used to. That was why she tended not to let anyone get close, so that it wouldn't hurt so badly when they inevitably died. But Laura had snuck her way in anyway, right through Carmilla's best defenses, and made herself at home. As if she'd always been meant to be there, and Carmilla simply hadn't known it.

Even Elle's betrayal and eventual death hadn't hurt like this.

Objectively, it didn't seem to make any sense. She'd only known Laura for not even a full semester, and they'd only been dating for about a month. She should have been able to deal with Laura's loss easier than she was. Or at all, really. She'd had other 'siblings' that she'd liked, over the centuries, whom she'd known for far longer. They'd all died, too, for various reasons (which, if she looked hard enough, could likely all be traced back to Mother in some fashion or other). That was one of the reasons she'd always been so happy to see Mattie - not only was Mattie the 'sister' she'd always been closest to, she was the only one Carmilla cared for that had _survived_.

Yet Laura's death was hitting her harder than any of them. Perhaps because, on some level, she still blamed herself.

If she'd been thinking coherently, she wouldn't have gone back to her mother's mansion immediately. Possibly at all. Because while it was private, and quiet, and no one would bother her there...

She walked in the door, saw the computer with Laura's webcam attached to it, and immediately knew she'd made a huge mistake.

Oh, God, what had she been thinking, coming right back to the place she'd been living with Laura? The only thing that could have been worse was their old dorm room, yet...

She should have turned and left, but her feet felt rooted to the floor. She wasn't even aware of the door swinging closed behind her.

That camera. That _damned_ camera. How many times had Laura sat in front of it, recording her life for those who might not even have cared? Her triumphs and tragedies, warm moments and pain, out there for all the world to see?

She'd never do that again. Never make another of those ridiculous (adorable) 'news' segments that she'd somehow intended to try and fix things at school, or at least fill in for the dead newspaper staff. Carmilla had wanted her to stop, but... Not like this. She would have given anything to see Laura sitting there, happily chattering away for whoever it was that actually watched her videos, munching on a cookie and sipping hot chocolate from... from her TARDIS mug.

 _Oh, God..._

Looking at that stupid mug nearly broke her.

It was one of the few things Laura had insisted on bringing with her when they'd fled the school, despite knowing she'd have precious little use for it. She didn't understand the attachment Laura seemed to have to that show - or any of her various "fandoms", really - but it obviously meant a lot to her. Unless she was drinking soda from a can, she'd be sipping her drinks from that mug. Or she had, anyway.

Carmilla had moved over to the desk without thinking about it, and picked up the mug. It felt like it was taunting her with the knowledge that it would sit there forever, gathering dust as it waited for an owner who would never return. She drew back her arm to hurl it against the wall... and froze.

Laura had loved this mug. Hadn't she done enough to hurt Laura, without destroying her cherished belongings? She lowered her arm, clutching the mug briefly against a chest that felt like it had a hole in it, before setting it gingerly back on the desk.

Her feet, operating on autopilot, took her toward the stairs. No, this was a bad idea, she knew. She shouldn't go up there. It would only make things worse. Her body wasn't listening, though, and she slowly ascended the stairs, heading for their bedroom.

 _Her_ bedroom, now.

She had no idea exactly when she'd started crying, the tears silently sliding down her cheeks. That probably wasn't a good sign, but she couldn't bring herself to care.

Laura had been so _shy_ , at the beginning of their relationship. Not in terms of talking to her - or anyone, for that matter - but physically. She'd ducked into the bathroom to change, and had been somewhat flustered whenever Carmilla undressed around her, even when she still had a bra on. Ironically, Laura, the one she'd chased her mother's minions away from, was probably the only one on the list of potential sacrifices who'd actually _been_ a virgin. (True, that hadn't actually mattered, but that was beside the point.) Getting her to feel more comfortable with the prospect of physical intimacy, with Carmilla seeing _all_ of her, had been a slow process, and one she'd felt no particular urge to expedite. She'd been fully willing to wait until Laura was ready. Laura hadn't just been one of her conquests, after all. She'd wanted something real, something serious, with Laura... and she'd gotten it. Memories of Laura challenging her to a race, and her 'prize' for winning, surged up and clubbed at her, making her stagger against the bed. She sat down on it before she could fall, which may have been her biggest mistake, yet.

Laura's scent - their _mixed_ scent - still clung to the sheets.

She doubled over as the first ragged sob tore its way free of her throat. She hadn't let someone get this close in so long, she didn't know how to handle the loss, anymore. It would get better in time, sure, but that didn't help her then and there. And honestly, the idea that Laura's death would ever _stop_ hurting so badly, that she'd start moving on past it, just seemed laughable.

But what else could she do? Laura had wanted her to live - she'd made that very clear - so Carmilla had little choice but to do that, to do the last thing Laura had ever wanted from her. Yet, Laura had been the only thing keeping her at Silas. With her gone...

But Laura _was_ gone. So who would make sure the students _stayed_ safe, now? She'd warned Mattie, but she also knew how little human lives mattered to her sister. If anything 'unfortunate' were to befall the student body, she'd probably think that her sister wouldn't _really_ care, and would get over it before long.

And she'd probably be right.

But Laura would have cared. Carmilla had no intention of watching over the students of Silas University forever, but just then, when Mattie still had unknown intentions, and Corvae remained with who-knew-what instructions from her late mother? She couldn't go anywhere.

Not yet.

No matter how badly she wanted to flee the memories surrounding her - _haunting_ her - and never look back.

Laura had always been the driving force behind the Dimwit Squad's actions, though. The others had suggested plans of action, or solved certain problems, but Laura had been the one to decide, for good or ill, how to put them into action. She'd been the heart and soul of their group. With her gone, how could they go on as before? Would the others even _want_ to? Would they, like her, seek to act on Laura's behalf, carrying out her last wishes? Lawrence might, she thought. She was, perhaps, the only member of the group who'd come anywhere near matching Laura's desire to keep everyone safe. Possibly surpassing it, if her overprotective attitude toward Laura was any indication. Laura had gotten enough of that at home with her father, though, which was-

 _Her father._

God, she hadn't even thought about that. How were they going to explain this - _any_ of this - to Papa Hollis? She didn't even know his phone number, she realized. It was probably in Laura's phone, but that was gone with the rest of her. Maybe it was in the school files... And she winced, even through her tears, at the thought of one of the school's official condolence letters being mailed to him, soulless and impersonal and full of lies.

Later, she thought. She could worry about that later. When she didn't want to stake herself, simply to make the horrible pain just _**stop**_ already. When she had some idea how she was supposed to even _function_ at this thrice-damned school without Laura's warm, bright presence in her life. When part of her didn't expect Laura to walk through the door any minute, because she just _could not be gone_.

A high-pitched, keening wail escaped her, and she didn't even care. Even if someone had been around, it wouldn't have mattered.

"I'm sorry," she sobbed. "God, I'm so _**sorry**_..."

 _Who are you apologizing to?_ her mind whispered to her. _Laura? She's dead. She doesn't care, anymore._

"...all my fault..."

 _So what? How many other girls have you killed over the centuries? How many did you betray? How many did you let die at this school alone, even if they had nothing to do with the sacrifices? You never deserved Laura. At least she's safe from you, now. You're a monster, and that's all you'll ever be._

"I never... wanted to be..."

 _Oh, well, that makes everything better._

"...shut up..."

 _What's wrong? You can dish out harsh truths, but you can't take 'em?_

" **Shut up!** " she screamed... at no one at all.

She almost - _almost_ \- wished her mother was still around. Not out of any hope of seeking comfort from her - she'd never really been _that_ delusional - but because then, at least, she'd have something to focus on through her grief, someone to direct her anger and pain at.

Someone to blame.

But she wasn't. So Carmilla was just going to have to suck it up and go on with her life, like Laura had wanted her to. Giving that any less than her best effort would be one more betrayal, and she couldn't do that to Laura again. She stayed curled up in a ball until her sobs wound down, then began mechanically undressing for bed. Sleep would help, she knew from experience. Being so emotionally exhausted wasn't doing anything positive for her state of mind.

She couldn't do this Laura's way. Vlogs and news segments and poorly thought out plans of action... She didn't have that in her, and wouldn't even know where to start. She'd figure something out, though, she supposed. Sooner or later.

Really, her most immediate worry was actually the prospect of sleeping.

Or, more accurately, dreaming.

Because while rest would help, she somehow doubted that she'd be getting a full night's sleep that night. Or anytime soon. Yet, as much as she dreaded the idea of dreaming... there was a part of her that also craved it.

Because Laura would be waiting for her there, she just knew it.

If nightmares were the only place she'd seen Laura from now on... She'd take them.

She'd take them all.

Not that she had any choice.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:** Still don't own Carmilla (the series), or any recognizable characters.

"Thus fortified I might take my rest in peace. But dreams come through stone walls, light up dark rooms, or darken light ones, and their persons make their exits and their entrances as they please, and laugh at locksmiths."

― Joseph Sheridan Le Fanu, Carmilla

* * *

LaFontaine didn't even bother trying to sleep.

Oh, they were plenty exhausted, having gone through a physical and emotional roller coaster of a night. But when their mind was spinning along the way it was, they knew from experience sleep wouldn't be had. Not without some _serious_ chemical assistance, and living with Perry, that sort of thing could be hard to come by.

 _Perry..._

They paused, looking up from the computer - where they'd been trying futilely to coax a response from JP, to try and break the news to him as gently as they could - and listened. Sure enough, they could hear water running in the kitchen.

Perry was washing her hands again.

They hadn't been back in the dean's former house for long, wanting to give Carmilla as much privacy as possible (and being pretty sure her implied threat had been serious), and this was already the third or fourth time Perry had done so. While they would have liked to just write this off as a combination of Perry's obsession with cleaning and her needing to try and process the events of the evening (mixed with just a bit of a need to keep busy), they knew better. Oh, they were sure those elements were playing a part in her behavior, but they weren't the driving force.

They stood up. It was clear they weren't going to get an answer from JP tonight. Hopefully, whatever had happened at the end with all those spirits (along with who-knew-what-else) hadn't affected JP, too, because he was already in more than enough trouble as it was. They might just need to fully embrace the title of 'Mad Scientist' if they wanted to save him... and thanks to their field trip to the crater, they now had the missing piece to that plan.

But that was later. Perry needed them now.

Sure enough, they found Perry exactly where they expected to: at the kitchen sink, washing her hands. (They supposed they should have been grateful she wasn't using a pumice stone.) "Perry, enough," they said as they walked over to her. "Your hands are clean. Stop while you still have some skin left."

"They're _not_ clean," Perry muttered. "I can still feel it."

"Perry..."

"I killed them," she whispered, swallowing a sob. "I killed all of them. The Voice of Silas, the Corvae team... I can still feel their blood; I have to get it off!"

LaFontaine shut off the water, then took hold of Perry's hands before she could just turn it back on. "Perry, enough!" They pulled her into a hug. "You didn't do anything, do you understand me? You weren't even there for it. Were you lying to Laura, last semester?"

"...it's a lot easier to say those kinds of things when you're on the other side of the equation," she said, standing stiffly in LaF's embrace. "I just thought... she was insisting on being stubborn, like she always do- _did_. But it's different when _you're_ the one who was used as a murder weapon."

"I know. And I wish I could find something to say that would just magically make things better for you, or Carmilla. But I can't. All I can say is I'll be right here for you every step of the way, and that I _know_ you can work your way through this. Do _not_ let that woman win." Because while Carmilla might not have been sure (it was hard to tell what she'd been thinking at the time), and Mattie clearly hadn't _wanted_ to believe it (which was understandable, really), LaF was certain that it _had_ been the dean inside Perry. Wherever she'd wound up afterward, LaF hoped it involved fire and pitchforks. They weren't quite as creative as Carmilla could no doubt be when it came to dreaming up punishments, but with Perry all but collapsing against them as she finally allowed herself to really cry?

They would have happily welcomed the chance to experiment with a few ideas.

* * *

It took a long time for Carmilla to finally drift off to sleep.

The dreams started almost immediately.

"You're gonna regret that, Kitty," Will told her, rubbing his jaw where she'd socked him good. (She was pretty sure she'd heard a tooth go flying.) Before she could retort, he yanked open the door and was gone.

She knew she'd never catch him the way she was, not after the starvation diet. (True, Laura had insisted on supplying her with a cup of blood - complete with straw - after she'd told her story, but that hadn't been nearly enough to offset what she'd been denied earlier.) Luckily for her, a solution to that problem was standing right in front of her.

"Thank you for not letting him kill me," Laura said as she stepped closer. Well, if she _really_ appreciated it, she wouldn't mind donating a pint or two in order to make sure he didn't make it back to Mother. Because they'd _both_ be dead if that happened.

Carmilla struck.

She ignored Laura's choked-off cry of panic - she'd caused worse over the centuries, and really, Laura kind of had this coming - and drank deeply. She needed as much strength as she could get, after all... and while a bit overly sugary for her tastes, Laura's blood was _delicious_. It was always better warm and right from the source, too.

She lost track of time for a bit, but soon enough pulled away and raced off after Will. He clearly hadn't been expecting it, having seen what condition she'd been in before, because he hadn't run nearly as far or as fast as he should have.

Last mistake he'd ever make.

She was in remarkably good spirits when she got back to her dorm room. She'd been wanting to do that to Will for _decades_. Who knew? Maybe she'd even apologize to Laura. She could have been a _tad_ more gentle in biting her, she supposed. When she walked back into the room, however, she saw that Laura hadn't moved from where she'd fallen back onto the bed. She was staring up at the ceiling, eyes glassy and lifeless.

"Laura?" She was next to the bed in a flash, urgently checking for a pulse... and not finding it. Laura wasn't breathing, either. A large red stain on the bed next to her showed that Carmilla must have torn open a vein, and taken so much that Laura hadn't had the energy to move enough even to try and stanch the wound, bleeding out while Carmilla was chasing down Will.

"This... This isn't how this happened," she murmured numbly.

Had it hurt? Or had she just been scared and cold, surviving one vampire only to be killed by the one who'd supposedly saved her?

"Stop it," she said through gritted teeth.

She'd have gotten increasingly lethargic, as the blood escaped her body. Had she cared, at the end? Had she forgiven Carmilla, blaming herself for what had happened... or had she cursed her vampiric roommate with her last breath?

"Stop it!" she shouted.

 _Why? You didn't stop._

She started. The voice had been Laura's, but the body on the bed wasn't moving.

 _Of course not. I'm_ _ **dead**_ _, Carmilla. You killed me._

"This isn't how this happened..." she whispered.

 _Oh, am I still alive? Well, isn't my face red? Wait... no, it's actually pretty pale, isn't it? What with the whole 'no blood left' thing, and all..._

"This... This is a dream," Carmilla realized. Lucid dreaming wasn't something she engaged in often, but she'd learned how a while ago - her mother had insisted she do so, for some reason - and once she knew what was going on, she was able to take control of the dream. Laura and the dorm room vanished, replaced by a small cottage. The real thing was located in rural France. She'd stayed there for a time after escaping the coffin, finding the peacefulness of the woods it was located in to be exactly what she'd needed. It was sparsely furnished - the living room had a few wooden chairs, a couch, and a fireplace, with precious little else - but she hadn't cared. She started toward the couch-

-and was abruptly spun around to see Laura, corpse pale, holes in her neck, and blood stained pajamas. "You can't get rid of me that easily," she snarled.

At which point Carmilla started freaking out just a little, because this was _not_ supposed to be happening. Admittedly, she wasn't exactly operating at her best...

"You think you can just kill me and walk away?" Laura continued, stalking closer even as Carmilla fell back. "Well, I suppose you probably do. Running away _is_ what you're best at, right?"

"I'm sorry," Carmilla whispered.

"I don't care," Laura said flatly, then reached out and shoved Carmilla off her feet.

She landed flat on her back in a very familiar coffin. Her eyes widened in panic.

"You never should have been let back into the world," Laura told her from where she was standing near the coffin's lid. "Rot in there for eternity, like you deserve." She slammed the lid closed with a dreadfully final _bang_.

Carmilla started beating at the lid, but it was just as unmovable as she remembered. Then came the sound she'd been dreading: shovelfuls of dirt hitting the top of it. Sealing her away.

She lost it.

She thrashed desperately, shouting, _pleading_ for release. For Laura to forgive her. For-

The world around her abruptly splintered amidst a sudden haze of pain, the imprisoning coffin replaced by a sheet tangled around her limbs and a plush carpet against her face.

Nightmare. Right. She'd been expecting that. She just... hadn't expected _that_. She hadn't dreamed about the damned coffin in decades.

But then, she hadn't felt so guilty in decades. Like she deserved punishment. And the coffin... Even after, Mother had always called it a punishment, like... grounding her. Only literally.

 _Rot in there for eternity, like you deserve._

Did she? Carmilla shivered, clutching the rug in her fingers until the sheer panic from her dream started going away. She deserved _something_ , she knew, but... what?

There was a knock on the bedroom door. "Hey, uh, you okay, in there?" LaF's voice called. "I heard, ah..."

She didn't even want to think about what they might have heard. "I'm fine," she called curtly. Laura's memory - the real Laura, not that horrible simulacrum - poked at her, and she grudgingly added, "Thank you."

There was a pause, as if she'd surprised them with that. "Right," they finally said. "We're having some hot chocolate in the kitchen, if you want some."

Evidently, she wasn't the only one having trouble sleeping. As much as she didn't feel like company, she didn't want to be by herself in the dark, either. Not until she could put that nightmare behind her. "Yeah, I'll... I'll be down in a minute." She disentangled herself from the sheet, listening as she heard them walk away, and rubbed her face.

And this was only the first night.

* * *

The sun had barely cleared the horizon when Danny showed up at the former _Casa de Dean_.

LaF, who'd answered the door - looking like they hadn't slept _at all_ \- frowned at her. "Danny? What are you doing here?"

"Trying to get a straight answer about what all that shaking was, last night," Danny said as she swept through the door. "I've been trying to call Laura, but she's not answering her phone. Did she forget to charge it, or something?"

LaF, who'd just closed the door, froze in place. Danny didn't really notice.

She found Perry curled up in a ball on the couch, leaning against one of the arms, and looking even more haggard than LaFontaine. Carmilla, sitting on one of the leather chairs, looked up at Danny with a face utterly devoid of any expression whatsoever.

It wasn't exactly hard to notice someone was missing. "Where's Laura?"

Perry made a quiet whining sound, somehow curling up even tighter. "Danny..." LaF began behind her, then trailed off, as if unsure how to continue.

She felt a sudden chill. "Where's Laura?" she repeated, a note of alarm creeping into her voice.

"She's... gone."

"No." The denial was as immediate as it was instinctive. "She can't be _gone_. She's _Laura_. Now, this isn't funny, anymore, so _**tell me where she is!**_ "

"She's dead."

The words, quiet and raspy and full of pain, had come from Carmilla. Danny whirled to face her, meeting her eyes. For perhaps the first time ever, there was none of the usual rancor, sarcasm, or derision. Carmilla was trying to hide it behind an emotionless mask, but she was clearly broken inside, and while she'd never appreciated Danny's feelings for Laura, she at least respected that they were real. Danny was probably the only one there who had any idea what she was feeling.

She staggered over to the couch and collapsed onto it. "What... what...?" _What happened?_ she wanted to ask, but she was having trouble getting her mind and mouth to synch up.

LaF got it, anyway, and explained about the gates. Corvae. The dean, possessing Perry and murdering the Voice reporters and the drilling team, and opening the First Gate. Laura, armed with the Blade of Hastur, closing it - _destroying_ it.

Dying.

"How... could this happen?" she asked, throat feeling as raw as if she'd been screaming, despite not having made a sound.

"Because... she's Laura," LaF said with a shrug from where they were sitting in front of the computer.

Where Laura should have been. They didn't even have the camera on.

"Saving people - saving her friends - it's... Well, it was the only thing she _could_ have done."

"And... Mattie?"

"Claims to have no idea what the Corvae team was doing down there," Carmilla said, voice overly controlled. She'd evidently had to lock herself down completely just to get through the conversation. "Which I tend to believe, given that she was still on the campus _herself_. If Laura hadn't... She would have died along with the rest of us."

Maybe. But that wasn't good enough. "And now?"

"I suppose that'll depend on how much interest Corvae has in Silas, now that the gates are either gone or inaccessible. I doubt they even really wanted the anglerfish, so much as wanted to get it out of the way."

"She was probably scared," LaF said quietly. Danny jerked around to stare at them sharply. "Lophii, I mean," they clarified. "I don't know what was on the other side of that gate, but if she's really guarding it, having it open might have ended up being as bad for her as it would have for the rest of us."

"Yeah, well, if I cared about what that damned fish thinks, I'm sure I'd appreciate that," Danny snapped. Carmilla huffed a quiet, joyless laugh of agreement.

They were actually agreeing on something. Laura would have been so proud.

She felt tears threaten and forced them back as best she could.

Which wasn't very well at all.

Thinking about the memorial they were going to inevitably have to have for Laura only made it worse.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer:** Still don't own Carmilla (the series), or any recognizable characters.

"Blood fills my mouth. Fire sears my veins. I choke back a howl. The silver knife slips-the choice is mine.

I am death or life. I am salvation or destruction. Angel or demon.

I am grace.

I plunge in the knife.

This is my sacrifice-

I am the monster."

\- Bree Despain, The Dark Divine

* * *

It took a couple of days to organize a memorial for Laura.

The news about what had happened - and what _could_ have happened - had gradually filtered out through the student body, leaving stunned and saddened people in its wake. Even those, like Mel, who'd never really liked Laura that much, were subdued. The Corvae people still on campus were wisely keeping a low profile, as tensions had begun to rise where they were concerned as people fully processed everything. Mattie, centuries old, nigh-unkillable, and Chair of the Silas Board of Governors, obviously didn't feel threatened by the prospect of mob violence, yet she was also keeping to herself - though it could be argued that, with Corvae not actively causing any further disruption and the school running smoothly, there was simply no need to be making her presence felt.

The morning of the memorial, however, she showed up at the doorstep of the Dean's former home... and for the first time, she wasn't an entirely unwelcome guest. "She's upstairs," LaFontaine told her when they answered the door. No one had actually called Mattie - not that they actually knew her number _to_ call - but since she'd decided to stop by, they were perfectly happy to take advantage of that.

"I take it my sister isn't handling things any better?" Mattie hadn't dressed for the memorial - unlike LaF, in their crisp black suit - but her attire was formal enough (and darkly colored enough) that she could have blended right into the crowd, if she'd wanted to go - or would have been at all welcome.

"Listen carefully," they said, jerking their head upward toward Carmilla's bedroom. Mattie did so... and blinked in surprise. "Yeah," LaF said. "Either that's music Laura didn't listen to when we were around, or Carmilla's a closet Taylor Swift fan. And Laura didn't usually see anything wrong with people knowing what she liked."

"She did strike me as being good at making her opinions known," Mattie agreed carefully. Starting an argument or disrespecting the girl the morning of her memorial would be in _exceedingly_ poor taste, after all. Whatever she may have felt about Miss Hollis, that sort of thing would be simply unacceptable. Besides, she was hardly blind to the service the girl had done for the school - or for her personally.

"So, maybe you could get up there before the Spice Girls come back on?"

Mattie buried a shudder and headed for the stairs. She'd stayed away as Carmilla had requested, but if her sister was inflicting that kind of torture on herself, she'd clearly been left alone for too long.

She passed Perry on the way up, politely ignoring the way the girl pressed up close against the wall as much as she could, then fled down the stairs as soon as it could be managed. Given what she'd gone through, being jumpy around vampires - especially one she'd already had a semi-antaganostic relationship with - was only natural, and entirely understandable.

And honestly, the girl wasn't worth getting upset about.

She walked into what had once been her Mother's bedroom. Why Carmilla hadn't moved back into what had once been her own following her girlfriend's death, she had no idea. That seemed like it would have been less painful... though the vapid wailing coming from the speakers served as a reminder that wallowing in pain was evidently her goal.

Carmilla didn't react when she came in, or even when she shut the 'music' off. (She would admit that Miss Swift wasn't, perhaps, as bad as some of her contemporaries, but that wasn't saying much. Mattie, unsurprisingly, preferred more classical music.) She was sitting on the bed, leaning up against the headboard, legs drawn up against her chest, eyes shut. She was wearing a black dress Mattie had never seen, but which fit a little too well to be one of the clothing items she'd "liberated" over the years. For nearly a full minute, Mattie stood there, waiting, while Carmilla seemed to ignore her. Knowing her sister as she did, while 'ignore it and hope it goes away' could sometimes be a viable strategy for her, this was more likely her working up the energy to _care_ that someone else was in the room.

"What do you want?" she finally asked quietly.

"I want you to tell me how you're _really_ doing," she replied evenly. "Honestly." Not that she didn't know how to see through her sister's lies, if she had to.

Carmilla considered that. "About as well as could be expected, I suppose." Which was to say, not very well at all.

Mattie sat down next to her, pulling her close. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Appoint a new Dean of Students who actually cares about the school, so I don't have to stay here longer than necessary?" Despite her seemingly hostile words, she sounded more tired and listless than anything. That spoke volumes about how badly she'd been sleeping since That Night.

"That's easier said than done, unfortunately," Mattie told her. "The Board is looking for a new dean, I assure you, but Silas is so remote that most people have never heard of it, and those who have aren't likely to have the school's best interests at heart, to say nothing of the student body." And it would be a cold day in hell before she put that fool Vordenberg in charge of anything, let alone Silas. "If it helps at all, once they conduct a final survey of the crater, the Corvae team will be pulling out. All sales have been frozen, pending review, and they don't seem to want anything at all to do with the Deep One now that there's no gate to access."

"Good."

There was another long stretch of silence.

"Look, I won't pretend I cared much about Miss Hollis myself, whatever your feelings for her were, and I know I wouldn't be especially welcome at her memorial... but I'll go with you if you need me to."

Carmilla smiled, just a little. It was brief, but undeniably there, and a minute amount of tension left her shoulders. "Thanks. But I'll manage. You just worry about doing your part. Start looking through the alumni, if you have to."

"We already are. Unsurprisingly, once they got away from the Deep One's influence for long enough for it to sink in how utterly bizarre this college is, few if any _ever_ want to come back. Whatever residual connection there might have been was destroyed with the Light. Why do you think getting enough donations to stay in operation has been a problem?"

"Figures."

"I'll admit, I'm giving serious thought to just evacuating the school and collapsing it on top of Lophiiformes."

"That does sound tempting," Carmilla allowed. But they both knew that, vampire-created weirdness and kidnappings aside, Laura had loved this school, and would want it to be saved, if it was at all possible.

Which, unfortunately, might well end up being a big 'if'.

* * *

The sky was gray and overcast, suiting her mood perfectly.

Memorials, funerals, wakes... Carmilla didn't make a habit of attending anything like that. (Admittedly, she had a good excuse for missing the last two memorials held at Silas: she'd been tied to a chair during Sarah Jane's, and laying insensate at the bottom of a chasm during her own... and she _still_ couldn't believe the Dimwit Squad had organized a memorial for her. Most likely, they'd done so for Laura's benefit.) As such, she would have been uncomfortable and wanted to be elsewhere in the best of circumstances.

A memorial for Laura Hollis was probably one of the worst.

She honestly wasn't paying much attention to what people were saying. She couldn't, not if she wanted to be able to hold herself together. They were gathered near the edge of the crater, where a simple yet somehow dignified white cross had been erected. Flowers and wreaths had been assembled near the base of it. (Danny had actually checked with her to make sure that her girlfriend's memorial being a cross would be okay for a vampire. Having Xena display any kind of concern for her was just _weird_. Fortunately, a cross in and of itself wasn't a problem for the undead.) Her friends and classmates getting together to say a bunch of good things about her probably wouldn't appeal to Laura, but hopefully she'd at least appreciate that it had gotten the Summers, Zetas, and Alchemy Club to all cooperate on something.

It was one of the few things at Silas she'd ever _really_ wanted.

On one level, Carmilla actually _did_ appreciate that so many people had good things to say about Laura. Goodness knew the Cupcake certainly deserved it, and it was nice that they did appreciate what she'd done for them. But so many of them seemed so... superficial. Like, they had to say _something_ good about Laura, but hadn't known her well enough to do more than rehash what others had already said, or just mention the most basic things.

She didn't want to get up in front of everyone and speak. She really, truly didn't. Laura might have liked doing that, but she never had. And if these children didn't know Laura well enough to realize she'd rather they continue what she started in terms of resolving differences and protecting people on campus, rather than have them stand around talking about how _she'd_ done that, they didn't really _deserve_ to hear anything she might have had to say.

But this was for Laura.

She did, at least, get to wait until nearly last. Fortunately, the low light combined with her expertly applied makeup to keep anyone from noticing the bags under her eyes from poor sleep. Because while they weren't quite as bad as that first one, her dreams weren't exactly getting any better.

There was reliving Laura's death itself, of course. That was a frequent occurrence. In another one, her mother, possessing Laura's body, had simply picked up a knife and slit the girl's throat right in front of Carmilla's horrified eyes. Then there was one of the ones from last night, where she'd been lost in the tunnels under the school, hearing Laura calling for help but unable to find her.

Mattie's visit had helped her find her mental footing a bit, at least to the point where she could be around other people without wanting to violently lash out as a result of any sympathy directed her way, but she hadn't actually managed to prepare anything to say. But then, Laura deserved better than a prepackaged speech, so maybe it was just as well.

Laura was dead, and she'd taken any joy in Carmilla's heart with her. What more was there to say?

Well, _something_. Laura would probably have been horrified if she just said _that_. After several moments of consideration, she began, "Laura Hollis was a hero. Probably not what most of you picture when you think of that word - and certainly not what she did - but the _real_ kind. She was the kind of person who'd do everything she could think of to help someone, simply because they needed help. The kind of person who would do things with no expectation of getting something in return, and would give you this _look_ if you made any suggestions on that front." There were a few quiet, knowing chuckles among the crowd from those who, like her, had been on the receiving end of that very look. "She didn't care about power, or control, or territory." Those from the three factions that had been vying for control of the campus when they'd gotten back to Silas shifted uncomfortably. Good, she thought. They deserved that, and more. "When we wound up back at Silas, and she saw how bad things had gotten due to the power vacuum left when the Dean was killed and her minions either died or ran away, the guilt was almost more than she could bear. That, despite the fact that she hardly acted alone that night, and nothing had been stopping everyone else from following her lead - as evidenced by how badly her attempt to rally support against the Dean went last semester, it was hardly the first time people refused to listen to her until it was really too late to matter." Danny flinched, clearly remembering the Tomato Incident. "And yet, she immediately jumped right back into trying to help people, despite... Despite the lack of support she got for that." Including from her own girlfriend, who'd wanted nothing more than to run away with her, leaving everyone else behind. "Even knowing she hadn't yet resolved all the issues on campus, when she knew what would happen if the gate was allowed to continue opening and expanding, she gave her life to save everyone, and in the process unknowingly managed to take care of the one who had murdered the Voice of Silas staff." She shook her head. "You didn't deserve her. None of us did."

Then she turned and walked away.

She didn't care who was saying what behind her. She didn't care if anyone else had any words about Laura to share. She didn't care what they'd thought of her parting shot.

She'd had enough for the day, and it was only morning.

* * *

"It's kind of funny."

Carmilla blinked, finding herself in her old dorm room. She'd been curled up on the couch in the living room, feeling physically and emotionally exhausted from the memorial. She must have drifted off to sleep, she realized. "Um, what?" she asked, confused. It almost felt like she'd shifted from one dream into another. At least there wasn't any blood or screaming in this one.

Yet.

"Lophiiformes." Laura was sitting cross-legged on her own bed, the ancient Sumerian tome spread across her lap. "It doesn't really _look_ like a Deep One, does it?"

"What are you talking about?" On the one hand, having Laura there - alive, unharmed, and not in danger of either of those things abruptly changing - was wonderful. On the other... Why was she talking about the fish? Laura from this time probably didn't even know what it was, let alone what it looked like... and _definitely_ didn't know about that particular nickname for it. Why hadn't they appeared in her mother's former bedroom?

"Because this is when we had the book," Laura told her, as if aware of her thoughts... which, this being a dream, she likely was. "And I know you've read Lovecraft; you know what the Deep Ones are."

"Yeah, I do," she confirmed. "That's just a nickname Mattie gave it that stuck."

"Are you sure?" Laura asked, flipping a page in the book. "You've been calling Lophiiformes a demigod. What makes you think it _isn't_ half Old One?"

"The fact that it's helplessly stuck in the ground." Carmilla crossed the room and sat down next to Laura. "Cupcake-"

"The Deep Ones are a servant race, don't forget," Laura continued, tapping the Sumerian text that the real Laura had never been able to read. "Do you think the Library gained sentience because of exposure to the Light That Devours? Or was it something else? Something on the other side of that gate your mother wanted open?" She shot a sideways look at Carmilla. "You read through this book. You know how Lovecraftian most of the entities in here are, even if the translator _did_ take certain liberties. And the Blade of _Hastur_? Come on, now."

"You're not exactly telling me anything I don't already know," Carmilla stated grumpily.

"Well, I really can't, now, can I?" Laura's lips tugged upward at her quiet grumbling. "Hey, this is _your_ subconscious. Maybe if you didn't keep ignoring this stuff, it wouldn't be popping up in your dreams."

"But then I wouldn't get to see you," Carmilla said softly.

Laura smiled sadly at her. "You really don't need to worry about that."

Carmilla frowned at her-

-and was snapped awake by the sound of the front door being shut. "What are you _thinking_?" Perry was asking.

"It's the only thing left," LaFontaine replied.

"What the hell are you two talking about?" Carmilla broke in grumpily. Having just had the first (more or less) pleasant dream with Laura in it since her death cut short, she was in no mood for the Ginger Twins bickering.

"JP," LaF said simply. "I think I have a way to save him."

"With _necromancy_?" Perry asked pointedly.

"That isn't exactly-"

"What. Are you. _Talking_. About?"

They both winced slightly, wisely abandoning their argument. "I've been working with the Alchemy Club, and we think we've figured out a way to download JP into a new body."

"And you happen to have one laying around in a drawer?" Carmilla snarked. "Or would I need to go and, shall we say, _procure_ a fresh corpse? Because I'll admit, right now, I wouldn't mind at all."

"Well..." LaFontaine seemed a little more hesitant than even her statement should have provoked. "...actually, I do, now. Thanks to our trip to the crater."

Before Carmilla could interpret that _very_ wrongly, Perry spoke up, unknowingly saving their life. "I still can't believe you had us hauling Will's body around in that bag."

"Will?" Carmilla asked sharply.

"Yeah." Easy enough to guess why they were a bit reluctant to tell her about this, now. "We've determined there's nothing of him left in it, and the transfer process should heal the damage. But we have to do it soon. Unless the Library comes back... I don't think he's got more than a couple of days left, if that."

"Are you going to be okay with this?" Perry asked her. Clearly, _Perry_ didn't like the idea, but she didn't want JP to be permanently lost to them, either.

Which meant Carmilla was the swing vote. "I never liked Will," she said with a shrug. "Do whatever you want. But you might wanna have a cup of blood standing by, because he's _probably_ going to wake up hungry. Unless you feel like donating yourself, of course. I don't really care, either way."

"Uh... right," LaF said, eyeing her warily. "Cup of blood it is."

"This _really_ doesn't seem like a good idea," Perry insisted as they headed for the door, clearly intending to get the process started as soon as possible. Even they didn't know exactly how long it would take.

"Oh, come on, Perr," they said with forced levity. "We're just reanimating a vampire's corpse and downloading an entirely separate human consciousness into its brain. What could go wrong?"

Then they both had to hurriedly duck the small statue that Carmilla flung at them, chiding them for tempting fate like that.

* * *

"I really don't wanna be down here."

"Would you quit whining, please?"

"I'm serious, Carl! Don't you _know_ what happened to the drilling crew?"

"I'm serious, too. Shut up."

"I'd like to second the motion." They both started at the sudden voice from the radio. A radio that, Carl belatedly remembered, was set to be constantly on.

Well, it wasn't like _he_ had been running his mouth. "Any updates, Sir?" he asked while Phil, his (thankfully) temporary partner, busied himself checking the scanner he'd been given before the team had split into pairs to cover more ground. What exactly it scanned _for_ was something they hadn't been told (which Phil had been sure to complain about). Radiation, maybe? Whatever it was, they weren't finding any.

"Not really," their team leader said. "Belmonde's still pissed about what Burge and his boys wound up doing. The sooner we get this done, the better. The only new thing she's had to say is that if we come across the Hollis girl's remains, we're to notify her immediately."

"We'll keep an eye out." Not that they were likely to descend _that_ far into the crater.

"Good. I don't..." The transmission dissolved into a sea of static for almost a full minute. "...-nything else, understand?"

"I'm sorry, Sir, we didn't catch that. Your signal cut out for most of that."

He sighed. "Not unexpected. The Alchemy Club is apparently up to something tonight. Any signals in or around the area where they are may suffer from periodic disruptions."

Someone from Team 3 spoke up. "Oh, well that's just..." Their signal, too, was lost in static. There was just one problem.

"Exactly how wide-spread _is_ this disruption field?" Phil asked, for once raising a good point. Team 3, after all, was even deeper in the crater than they were, rather than on the surface. The team lead was only up there to help coordinate.

"About twenty meters in any direction from whatever it is that they're doing." There was a definite note of tension in his voice. "Team Three, report."

Static.

"Team Three, respond."

More static.

"Team Four, we have lost contact with Team Three. Divert from your search pattern to investigate."

"Copy th-" There was a burst of static. "-other of Mercy, what _**is**_ that th-" Their transmission simply stopped.

Off in the distance, they heard the sound of automatic weapons firing. Then terrified screaming.

Then nothing at all.

"Team Four, what's going on?" he barked into his radio. "Team Four, respond!"

"Uh, Carl...?" Phil began.

"Not now." He _so_ did not have time for more whining. "Team Four!" Nothing. "Team Lead, we have lost contact with Team Four," he reported dutifully.

More nothing. In fact, he couldn't even hear the hissing of an open channel, anymore. "Team Lead?"

"Carl," Phil repeated, more urgently.

" _What?_ " he snapped.

In response, Phil held up the detector he'd been looking at earlier. Both still had no idea what it was looking for, but the maxed out meter indicated it had found whatever it was, big time.

Or whatever it was had found them.

They began hearing footsteps coming from up ahead in the tunnel. Unsteady footsteps, and slightly dragging, suggesting it was someone injured. Neither Carl nor Phil said anything, but both were hoping it was someone from one of the other teams, hopefully with an explanation of just what was going on down there.

Then something staggered around the corner and into the light from their flashlights.

They had just enough time to start screaming.

* * *

"I really must thank you, Miss Karnstein, for procuring me this attire." It was very strange, hearing the formal syntax and British accent coming out of Will's mouth. If they hadn't already known JP was in there now, instead, it still would have been obvious Will wasn't home, anymore. "I assure you, the prospect of wandering naked across campus did not appeal to me in the slightest." After a thoughtful pause, he amended, "Though, by Victorian standards, we do all still seem to be in our undergarments."

"They're Will's," Carmilla replied with a negligent shrug. "You're already wearing his body, so why not?"

They were back at the Dean's former house, JP - dressed in one Will's better shirts and a pair of tan slacks, both of which still somehow seemed far too casual for him - still sipping from his travel mug of blood. Carmilla hadn't really wanted to be involved at all, but Perry had decided that if they were really going to do this, JP deserved to be treated with some respect, and Carmilla had already established herself as the expert in finding new wardrobes on short notice. "Explain to me again just what happened to the clothes he'd _been_ wearing?" she continued, shifting her mild glare to LaF.

They probably didn't deserve that, but she didn't care. Besides, they'd had the nerve to ask if they all should be filming JP's reintroduction to the world.

As far as she was concerned, no one but Laura touched that camera.

"We couldn't have anything inorganic touching his body during the transfer," LaFontaine said, not for the first time. "Besides, they'd mostly fallen apart by then, anyway."

"And the... beard?" Perry asked, speaking up for the first time since JP had woken up in his new body.

"The same thing that healed his wounds stimulated the hair follicles." Which was vastly oversimplifying it, but they knew Perry well enough to know that, even if she wanted the full explanation, she was in no shape to handle it just then. "Honestly, I think it works on him."

There was a thud at the front door.

" _Now_ what?" Carmilla ground out. Really, hadn't she had _enough_ to deal with for one day? Did she really need _more_?

No. No, she did not.

"I'll go see who that is," Perry volunteered quickly. She was still a little nervous around JP, and there was a general, unspoken agreement to just let her be, give her time to process everything. As such, no one tried to stop her from fleeing the room at the first opportunity.

"So. Wonder Librarian has a body, now," Carmilla said flatly. "Great. Now what?"

"I don't know," JP admitted. "Truthfully, I've been so busy readjusting to having sensation again after so long that I haven't really considered anything beyond." And it _had_ been an adjustment. He'd been so out of practice when it came to moving a physical body he'd almost needed to relearn how to walk. "Perhaps Ms. Belmonde might see fit to reactivate my-"

He was interrupted by a bloodcurdling scream from Perry.

Everyone was on their feet in an instant, because while Perry might frighten easily, sometimes, she'd never screamed like _that_ before, even when her life was in imminent danger.

Perry herself _rapidly_ backpedaled into the room, tripped, crawled forward a few paces until she could get back to her feet, then flung herself forward and actually _clung to JP_ for protection.

Whatever it was at the door, it must have been _bad_ , Carmilla reasoned. That suited her just fine. This whole day had just kept winding her up, and she could use something to take out her aggression on.

She'd taken several steps forward when... _something_... appeared in the doorway, and she stopped dead in her tracks, utterly stunned.

It wasn't very tall, and had blood, likely not its own, splattered all over it. Its hair was dirty and matted. There were occasional small cracks in its pale, nearly luminescent skin, with a sickly violet glow coming from within them. Its eyes were twin pools of inky blackness that Carmilla instinctively knew not to look into.

Then it spoke. 

̡̰̦̦͈̍͗̋͌͊͝ͅ ͉̫͉͇̖͇̀̓̌̆̀͝Ẅ̡̡̨̘͚͔́̅́̏̉̚H̛̩̠̲̝̠͑̿͛̀͒ͅE̯̻̭̜̝̪̋̓́̆͐́Ŗ͖͉̥͇̱̈́̊̑͂̀̆Ȩ̪͇͙̇̄́̃̑̕͜ͅ ̛̣̙̬͈͔͎̈́̒̊̊́I̳̭͈̠̥̥͋̓́̉̇̇S̨̡̗͙̮͑̍̐̏̓͆͜ ̧̱͕̙͔͒͐̈́̈̒̈͜S̨͕̤͕͕̎̊̈́̎̉̇ͅH̨͖͈̤̰̓̽̆̓͘͠ͅË͖̱͈͓͍́̀͂̚͜͝͝?̨̹̤̞̲̼̏̈́̐̉̇̑ ̢̼̫͇̭̭̅̃̑͛̓͝ ̬̥̫̟̥̝̾͒̍͆͠͝

The words were a cacophony of sounds: Flapping wings, a thousand pages being turned at once, the screech of tortured metal, a multitude of voices. Everyone, human and vampire alike, recoiled at the auditory assault. The worst part, though, was that whatever this thing was...

It was currently contained within the mortal remains of Laura Hollis.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer:** Still don't own Carmilla (the series), or any recognizable characters.

 **Author's Note:** This may be one of the shortest chapters, yet - despite the file size on my computer actually being _bigger_ than any of the others; I guess the method I use to represent the entity's speech takes up a lot of space - but I think that would kind of be the equivalent of one of the show's two-minute episodes. ;)

"If she loved him the way she said she did, she wanted him whole. Maybe this was what love meant after all: sacrifice and selflessness. It did not mean hearts and flowers and a happy ending, but the knowledge that another's well-being is more important than one's own."

\- Melissa de la Cruz, Lost in Time

* * *

Carmilla clenched her fists, nails digging into her palms and drawing blood. There were two reasons for that. The first, and most obvious, was that something was walking around in Laura's body. There was really _no_ circumstance when she'd consider that okay. (She didn't even want people touching Laura's _webcam_ , for crying out loud.)

She also wanted to make sure she was awake, because this certainly seemed like something out of her nightmares.

"Get out of her," she snarled at... whatever it was. It may not have been wise, seeing as how she had _**no idea**_ what this abomination was, but she didn't care. This... Whatever it was had just gone _**too**_ far.

It ignored her.

"Hey!" she snapped, raising her voice as she stalked closer. "Are you listening to me? _Get out of her!_ "

"Uh, Carmilla?" LaFontaine began nervously behind her. "Maybe this isn't the best-"

" _ **Get out of her now.**_ "

It's head - _Laura's_ head - tilted sideways as it looked at her. It was such an inhuman movement that it momentarily stilled her. 

̳̯̖͖͓̜̅̏̋̃̂̓ ̠͎̻̪̪̆̊́̉͂͆ͅW̮̲͕͇͖̳̿̃́̀̃̔H̯͉̹̻̗̖͛̀͆̿̔̑E͇̭̭͈̭̬͆͑̊̔̔̈́Ṟ̛̯͙͚̳̱̉̅̄̿̏E̫̤̟̫͔̣͒̈̀́̕͝ ̥̼̥̝̝͉̐͌͐̓͆͘Ḯ̢̧̧͙̺̞̒͋̂͘͠S̡̩̩͓̬̬̐́̒̍̿͝ ̨͇̜̰͒͛̌͒̀͜͜͝Ṱ̡̪̠͉̙̔̓̈́̽̈́̑H̢̡̳͚͚̞̓̓̃̈́͋̓E͖͇̫͕͓̭̍̃͗͐̌̚ ̜̜̟̗̯͒̓͑͑͑͠ͅB͖̮̘̦̠̒̈́͂̓̇̔ͅE̞͈̼͕̯̅͌͋̓̒͘ͅŢ̲̰̼̞̮̂̌̑̑͘͠R̘̹̼͚͈̯̀̎̅͋̀́À̼̦̼͖̺̭̐̓̕̚̚Y̨̳̖̞̰̣̑̑̋̿̚͝Ę̨͎̻̹̲͌͌̽̔̊̕R̠̹̫̰̺̈́̈́̈́̐̍̕ͅ?̧͈͓̳̖̠̽̈̿͒̑͝ ̨͖͈͎̪̒͊͋̐̅͘ͅ ̢̪̥͍̮̏̔́̔̒̀͜ 

She gritted her teeth as the words struck her with a seemingly physical force. "I don't know what you're talking about, and I don't care." She took a step closer. "That body is _**not**_ yours. Get out of it, now." 

̛̬͚̼͔̘̭̇̂́̑̕ ̺͚̱͍̤͕̏̈͗̓͘͝Ť̨͉̝̱̟͔̄̎͊͠͝H͓̟̞̰͓̣̐͊̋͑̊̈́Ȩ̳̖̬̗̠̍͗̈́̓̈́̕ ̨͔̯͙͔̲̓̈́̀̔̿͘V̛̺̼̠̯̳̹͛̂̑̈́͝Ȩ̭̘̯̣̫̈̒͑͒̌̕Ş̢͔͈̱̜̄̽͆͋̌͠S̟̖̹̥̳͊̀̆̓̔̚ͅĚ̲̖̳͚̥͈̌̑̄̈́͒L͉̦̗͇̩̱̓͐͐͋̾̚ ̢̤̣̘̙̙̓̔͂̌̐̚Ẅ̙̳͍͚̹́̆̽̒̒̕ͅÀ̡͙̬̰̯̙̈̅̓̐̆S̡̛̜̼̺̝̭̓̏͑͝͝ ̘̘̥͙̘̽̄̋̇̋̀ͅƯ͖͙̻͉͓͊̽̋̋͝ͅÑ͍͍̲̫̩̭̀̃̒̕̚O͉̠̱̭͇͌̍̉̑̓̚͜C̛̝̪̲͓̣̱͋͋̍̄͝C͇̟̝̼̭̲͋̊́̊̚͝Ụ̬͕̠̯̘͒͊̏̓̏͝P͙̟̪̤̗̪̓́͐͌̅̿Ȉ̭͕̱͇̤̥̀̓̌̊͠Ë̙̝̠̹̫̼́̈́͐̈́̎̔D̡͚͙̖̲̰̉͗͛̍̽̚.̟̳̬̣͚̦͑̉͑͑̋͠ ̬͔̼͎͔̲̈́̾̈͊͗͝ ̹̠͍̙̠͕̃̐̄͒́͝ 

"Stop making it talk!" LaF ground out, uselessly pressing their hands over their ears. 

̛̩̗̘̱͔̭͋̄͒̍̍ ̩̲͔̖̥̟̈́́̃͂̿̈́W̨̭̤̠̺̮̋̍̉̋̓̚H̛͖̳̙̠͚̊͊̎͘͝ͅÈ̢̡̯̺͕̗͆̾̊̕̚Ŗ̨̲̖̖̣͗͊̓̄̍̀Ẽ̘̟̬̱͓̤͂̂̑̽͝ ͍͔̠̪͚̃̐̔͐̀͘͜Ĭ̢̠̫̬̪͎͒̐̏͒͝Ṡ̬̥̤̜̣̺̎̈́̒̽͝ ̦͖̞̬͔̖̀̾̽͗̐̆T͍̝̘̟͙̳͒̈́̉̇̿́H̨̻͎̱̳̮̒̉̓͗̔̚E̢̛̛̠͉̻͙̱͊̒̏̅ ̞̣͍̗͈̪͂̅̉̍̓̍O͓̘̬̤͍̬͒̓͌̔̃̍Ņ̦͕̱̺̳̎̀̀̂̒͘E̛͉̟̥̘̺̱͒͊͌̓̂ ̢̳͖͍͖̗̈́̈̓̈́̏̈́Ỵ̢͈̠̳̼̏͋̏̅̈́̀Ơ̜̜̰̫̝̮͂̔͆̊̎U̥͉̙̦̙̫͆͋̓̔̅̆ ͕̯̙͈͔͆̈́́̈̅̕͜C̹̦̥̼̯͎̈́͒̈̀̆̓Ã̟̗͉̲͍̭̃̊̈́̌͑L̻̲̗͉̤̳̓̄͆̇̉͝L͖̪̠͙͎̤̔̑̈́͒͐̈ ̧̳͖͉̹͌̿̍̊̑͠ͅM̳̗̹̭̳̹͗̎̇͌͒̚A̱̹̳̠̻̯̓̈́́̑͆̈́Ṱ̮̼̪̻͚̓͐̽̑͐̋Ş̢̰͉͔̘̉̔̓̔̉̈́Ḳ̡̢̩̮̫̄̽̑̐̆̕A̧̧̦̠͕̤̓̈̆͘͝͝ ͈͇̜̠̹̈́̈͑̈́̕͝ͅB̯̯̜̼̹̞͂̾̀́̕͝E̢͓̩͍͖͈͆̊͐͊͌̚L͇̬͓̹̟̓̈́̋̓͊ͅM̩̤͔̗̪̋͂͗̊͒͘ͅŎ̩͕̖̥̳̣̎̈̅͗̕N̨̙̟̫͎̤͑̂̔͌͌̓D̲̤͉͍͉̩̑̅̋̀̿͝E̡̝̱͓̹̒̌̇̌̀̈ͅ?̧̩͚͖͔̟̑͊̄̈́̒̓ ̬̰͍͔̹̪͋͑͊͛̌͠ ̢̻͔͕̞̼̽̑̕̕͝͝

" _Mattie?_ " This was just getting more and more bizarre. "What do you want with her?"

̢̨̺̞̳̻̘̠̳́̉̉̔̓̎̓̎͝͝ͅŤ̙̗͙͎̗̍̃̿͐H̗̼̠̥̤̐̾̏͛̎A̖̥͍̯͖̿̃̋́̉T̫͓̬͖͚͆̎͛̾͠ ̭̙̥͓̮̈̇̊̔̓Î͍̟̗̙́̐̏̑͜Ş̮͍̦̱̔͗͛́̃ ̡̛̤͚̼̫͌̊͐̂N͎̹̟̲̝̑̀̓̌̎O̬̟̻͇̞̊̄̈́͝͝N̩̙̳̙̔͆̎̏̏ͅE̫̭͚̤͉͌͛̂̕͠ ̹̰͍̦͍̀͊̐̓̀Ö̹̝͔͍̫́̊̿̽͝F̡̠̗̼̽͊͋́͑͜ ̡͓̥̜̐͂͑̾̑ͅY̦͓͕̒̐͐͗́͜ͅO̹̮̯̗̼͐̄̓̓̕Ủ̡̼̺̘̩̋̾̕̚R̳̠̩͕̗͊̿̽̃̕ ̣̼̘̳͚̿̊͌̌́C͕̞̫͚̖̈́̎͌͆̈́Õ̲̝̪̫̗͐̓͐͝N͔̣̙̤̈́̌͒̀̚͜C̘̟̙̣̭̀͂͊͆͠E̞̱̹̻̙̓́̈́̈̆R̢̧̞̮̙̀̍̔̾̚N̹̦͍̱̼̂͂̈͂̐.̹̰̙̱̙̈́̀̓͌̎ ͈̘̦̝̝̓́̐̈́̄ ̨̜̦̞̫́̈͐͊̎

She nearly fell down. Just hearing the thing speak was physically and psychically punishing. The effect might not have been _quite_ as extreme as one of Mattie's hypersonic screams, but she could only do that when she was angry enough, and it took almost everything she had to do. This being... was simply speaking, and didn't really even seem to _care_ about anyone present. If _it_ put some effort - _**any**_ effort - into it...

She didn't even want to think about what could happen.

She might have to, though, because she was not giving her sister over to... _this_. "Actually, it is." She glared at it. "Mattie's my sister. I don't know if you can even understand that concept, whatever you are, but all you need to know is, it isn't happening."

The black, fathomless eyes stared at her for a long moment... then blinked. "Oh, please," a woman's voice said - and not Laura's. She didn't recognize this voice at all. "Like you abominations know anything about _family_."

On one hand, she wasn't risking killing everyone in the room just trying to get answers, anymore, which was good. On the other hand, she was a lot more confused. The unknown entity walking around in Laura's body she at least understood. This, though... "Excuse me?"

"Like there's any excuse for _you_ ," the stranger sneered. Laura's body didn't look any different, physically, but its body language made it clear that, unlike before, someone who actually had experience moving a human body around was in control. She let out an annoyed huff, then drew herself upright. "As it would be... _unfortunate_... were you to be destroyed by the questions before being able to provide any answers, I was selected as an intermediary. Now, _where is Belmonde_?"

Unlike the entity, this woman did _not_ seem impersonal. Carmilla got the sense that she might even have known who Mattie was... and _**hated**_ her. "Why?"

"I'll make this simple for you. Tell me where she is, or people start dying."

"Why do you want her?" Carmilla insisted. Unlike the entity, questioning this person - assuming it was (or had ever been) a person - might actually get her somewhere.

"I want to make her _**pay**_ for what she's done," the woman seethed. "And I'm not alone in that."

"And just who _are_ you, anyway?" Better to keep the conversation focused on her than risk drawing the entity back out, she thought.

"None of your business, vampire. All you need to know is I've been waiting a _long_ time to see that _bitch_ get what's coming to her."

"Yeah, like _you_ can do anything to her," Carmilla scoffed, deliberately needling the unknown woman. If she could make her angry enough, she might slip and reveal something. The others must have agreed, as they seemed content to let her handle the conversation - that, or they were just too stunned by what they were seeing. (That _was_ a feeling she understood. If she hadn't had centuries of experience with weirdness under her belt, she'd be speechless, too - and even with that, she was just barely holding herself together.) Part of her was curious as to what they were doing, but she didn't dare look away.

Unfortunately, the woman wasn't _getting_ angry. "Oh, I just might be able to," she drawled, bringing her right hand up... and Carmilla started as she realized that she'd been so focused on the entity in Laura's body, she hadn't noticed that said body was _still holding_ the Blade of Hastur.

"Do you even know what will _happen_ if you try using that sword?" Reason and logic hadn't worked, yet, but what else could she do but keep trying? She wasn't sure exactly what had gone into making Mattie's protections - she knew what the necklace did, not _how_ it did it - but something like that sword would almost certainly be too much for it to handle.

"What, you think it's going to kill me _again_?"

So this _was_ someone who had once been alive. Someone that, presumably, Mattie had killed. She could practically hear Laura making a comment about this being why you shouldn't just go around murdering people. "It'll _destroy_ you," she insisted, trying to ignore the thought for the moment - this was neither the time nor the place to start getting emotional.

"Well, I suppose it's a good thing _I_ wouldn't be the one using it, then, isn't it?" She smirked. "But thanks _ever_ so much for your concern, leech."

"Laura deserves better than to have you using her body like this," Perry spoke up quietly, still shaking against JP's side. "She gave her life to save all of us from... from what the D-Dean had planned..."

The unknown woman looked at her... and some of the aggression seeped out of her posture. "It wasn't actually my decision. Can't really do anything about it, either. But the sooner Belmonde's taken care of, the sooner this vessel will no longer be required."

"Because everyone knows how trustworthy body thieves are," Carmilla snarked.

"From what I understand, leech, the only thing _you_ know about trust is how to betray it." Even with no visible eyes, the look of scorn on Laura's face was impossible to mistake. "Now, tell me where Belmonde is, or we'll be waiting for her out front next to your severed head."

"We don't know!" Perry burst out. "We haven't seen her all day."

"We've been busy with Laura's memorial," LaFontaine added.

There was a pause. 

̩̤̫̟̽̉̑̂̿ͅ ͍̰͕̟͈̐̃́̔͝"̧͎̲͉͛̍͊̆̏͜U̞̘̙̖̞͆̎͌̈́̾N͈͓̻̲͐͂̀̇̔ͅF͖̥͉̻̥͂̏̉̉̍Ŏ͇̹͔̯͙̃͐̃͘R͙̳̼̳̟͆̍̆̓̑T̯̟̖̫͍̍̍͑̉̓U̞̼͚̰̖̔̊͒̐͝N̙͓̲̪͇͗̈́́̌̓À̧̢̺̬͇̽̋̏̑T̜̹̻̝̰̀̆́̋͘E̠̫͈̦͎͐͛̾̆̄.̣͖͎̬̪͌͆̅̈̚"̮͎̬̯̗̈̆̾̓͝ ̼̞͎̣̫̿͋͛͘͠ ̣̮͉̟͓͑͐̄̇͂

"Get out of her... _please_." As much as she didn't want to make the entity talk again, she had to at least try. For Laura's sake. 

̣͍̱͕̱̤͖̣͉̙̈́̐̋̂̀̓͆͘͝͝"̜̪͙̝̜̍̀̀͌͑Ȁ̧̨͓͖̹̏͘̚͝ ̥͓̯̱̹͌̈́̓́͝V̯̘̼̦̦̓̌̃͐́Ê̪̜̩̰̤͗͒̏̕S͎̟̜̘͎̿̂̈́͒̚Ş̞̬̖̑̈́̈̿̔͜E͙̬͇͙̞͌͐͆͘͝L̢̼̼̝͖͐͋̔̉̕ ̩̦̩͚̝̀̀͐̅́I̯̝̺͔͔̿̄́̇̄Š̢̩̝̰̠͆͒̐͝ ̙̲̫͓̺͂̂̃̆͠R̨̲̜͕̼̓̿̕͘͠E̡̡͓̝͖̒̂͌̈́̕Q̧͕͙̪̍̊̽̌͛͜Ṳ̡̗̬̻̃̾́̍͝Ì̧̢̫͈̥̃̆̊̚Ṟ̥̻͙̰̈́̒̓̂̕Ȩ̛̬̺̺̩̃͛͋̎D̡̤͈̬̠͗̾͛̽͝.̨̳͎̦̺̉̆͛̓̔ ͎̝̖̳̝̓̊́̽͝Ṱ̛̥͉̝͎̈͆̐̍H̢̠͎͉͍͒̓͒͆́I̻̞̮͖̿͒̐̂͘͜S̳͉͉̞̦̄́̂̇̚ ̥͖͔͍̍̄̐̈́͝ͅŌ̖̭̦̘̩̈̓̃͘Ņ͇̦̼̫̊̑̃͌́E͎͙̺̯̪̅̑̆̅͘ ̰̙̥͎̲̒̃́̎́W̧͖̞̻̻̒̑̊͛̎A̻̥̱͕̩̐̍̌̃̔S̝̘̦͈̭̊̈́̌̇͝ ̧̖̭̖̮̋̐̒̅͝B̧̛̻̖̝̺̽̾̋̾R͚͓̬̻͕̐͗̈́̽͠Ó̰̦̳̳͔͐̈͑̈Ḱ͉̮͓̫̙͒͛̈́̔Ẽ̛̬̣̱̇̀͋͜͜N̨̡͍̥͚͗̓̄̑́ ̢̳͖̝̯̌̋̎͑͠Ą̡̪̬̝̓̾̔͛̈́N̯̮͚̝̥̑̆̓̉̂D̜̖̮͍͋͐̕̕͜͠ ̛̘̻͓̣̦̃͑̄̏Ę̝͔̖͗̔̅͒͝ͅM̨͈̠̳͎̎̈̐̊̉P̧̰̭̫̠͛̔͐́̔T̫̠̟͙̭̅͆̎̊̂Y̡͈̳͖͉͌̎̈́̐̕.̖̺̦͕̟͂́͑̎̌"̹̖͓̺̄͑͊̀̉͜ ̧͉͓͈̘̿̆͂͘͝ ̧̧̭͕͓̅̃̈̓̃

"She deserves better than this. Her _memory_ deserves better." 

̧̼̬̻͍́͂̄͆͠ ̻͖̟͈̣͗͒̓̂͠"̨̢̛͎̱͖̏̃͂̂M̨̫̫̫̣̑̈̓̀͝O̬̪̺͙̤̒̄̎̀̕R̨̛̳͚̝̟̎͒̋͝T͓̱̰͙̹̓͂̇̒͂Ā̯͇̯̣͈̊́̀̕L̢̢̫͓̝̆͗́͌̈́Ş̜̠̥̟͋̄̓̚̕.̹͎̥͍̤͆͆͘͠͠ ̛̲̹̳̱̪͊̾̿̏Ș͉̳̼̹̊̏̽͛͠Ǫ͔̩̭̖̔̿͆̑͌ ̠̗͔̭̫̏͗̎̅͗Ç̩̻͚̪̋̂͛͝͝O̺͇̪̠̠̍̊̌̊̕Ṋ̹̱̘̒̅̈́̒͠ͅÇ̜͈̞̻͒̆̆̎̍Ē̜̰͙̮̲͂̓͑͝R̛͎̲̬͙̙̈̏̔̅N̨̙̯̝̤̈́̽̐̀̒Ë̛̮͈̮͖͉́́͛̾D͇̳̺̘́́̈́̆̕͜ ̛̥̪͚̘̙͌͗͑̾W͍̻̻̮͉͋̀̋́̓I̡̛͕̭̜̳̋̄̓̚Ť͓̤̬̺̗̍͊͑̕H̹̫̝̼̗͑̐̐̃͘ ̧̩͉̘̭̎̒͗̃̿M̢͓̰͚̂̆́̃̌͜Ë̖͉͚͈͎́̍̇̈͆A̡̛͕̙͔͋̇̌͠ͅN̘̺̩̹̣͗̄̐̎͠I̡̲̝̯̬̾̎̎̄̈N̘̬̤̲͓̆͊͑͝͠G̲͕̘͉̘̓́̎̈́͂L̛̤̖̤̞̔͌̽͝ͅE̮͉͙̗͐̔́͛̓͜S̙̱̺̰͇̄̌͆̈́͊S̞͎̗̺͕̓̈́̍͝ ̧̣̮̥͙̅͑̄̔͘T̫͖̼̖̹̒̉̍̾͝R͈͉͙̀̌̒̍͜͝ͅĮ͕̟̗̗͊̒̋̂̿V̫̤̳͉͎̐͋̀̽́Ȉ̬̭̘̟̯̇̍̊͝A̢̛͎̖̣̩̓̑̔̎L̡̳͓̰̲̿̾̐͆͠Î͙͔͖̱̩̍͐̿͠T̠͇͉̰͇̀́̓̒͗Ḭ͖̣͇̑̐͋͜͠͝Ḙ̻̳̭͖̄́̇́̚S̼̺̫͎̮͛̈́͒̑͝.̘̜̥͈̤̎̅̓̚̚"̥̲̦̞̫͐̉͆̇͘ ̺̫̦͖͗̎̿͌̚ͅ ̡͉̭̺̯̋̀͊͝͝

"Excuse me?" 

̼̱͇͎͋͆̍͑̐ͅ ̢̟̱̼̠̃͋̈́̄̕"̙̣̳̹̝̅̅̀̀̏Y̩͕̯̱̯͌́̔̓̅Ǫ̬͙̬̮̐͒̆̇̋Ư̡̞̟̖̬̓͐̓͝ ͇̬̺͉̦̑̿̃̊́D̺͙̝̮́͊̇̑͜͝O̢̤̮̜͗͑̅̈́̚͜ ̩̗̖̗̲́̐̈́̓N̹̩̯̪͎̐́̈̀̃O̪͈̜̣̣̎̋̅̌͝T̡̧̛̮̤̦̈́͗̒͝ ̹͍̮̤̿̈̇̃͜͝K̨̲̦̬͌̏̾̓͠ͅŅ̛͕̤̜͍͊̄͑̀O̦͍͖̝̘̿͐̑̋̔W̢̛̩̼̠̱̆́̓̔ ̛̝̳͙̗̭͊̄͑͋Ṱ̢͍̜͋̊̽̚͝ͅH̢̬̟̮̗̎̍̒̒̎E̩͓͚̟̙̍̈́̓͗͛ ̜͚̘̥̰̃͒̽̉͝M̢̗̠̗̈́̉̓̈́͠ͅE̢̥̹̖̳͛̈́̇͆̇Ǎ̢̛̲͓̝̱̏̃̍N̮̫̮͇̦̐̅̊̊̂Į͉̯̘̝̇̏̃̏̕N̛̩̱͕̖̄̒̎̈́ͅǴ̘̫͈̲̩̇̏́͌ ̧̨̙̞͉͌̐̾͗͠Ǫ̮̱͙̳̓̓́̌͝F̥͙͎̙̪̒̾̾̓̚ ̭̬̗͉̮͌̒̌̅̈T̨̛̛̬̤̮̹͋̓͝H̥͍̮̰̱͗̔̾͒̀Ȩ͔̜̺͙̈́̌̏̆̄ ̳̥̳̘̣̔̇̍̋̾W̝̺͇̦͚͗́͋͂̅Ȍ͉̳̟͎͔͐̀̀̚R̛̞̺̗̙̆̂̀͘͜D̨̡̫͕̮͒͛̓̔̎ ͉͕̪̫̦̎̉̃́͠'̜̗̟͍̟̉̄̆̿̚M̯̬̝͉̱̀̊͛̌̈́E̡̼̠̳̠͆͊̍̇͗M͍̤̼̤͍͂͋̋͘͘O̼͙̲̞͂́͋̇̕ͅR͕̘̱͙͈̾̿͗̎͂Ý̨̦̠̜̠́́͘͝'͔̦̫͇̼̓̓̏̓̊.̯̪͕̭̹͊̽́̀̿"͖͖͎̤͔̐̅͆̀̃ ̝̣̖͐́̐͊̑ͅͅ ̢̹̫̲̣̀̅̏̒̃

"Oh, but _you_ do?" 

̨̜͚͎͕͗̐̎̍͝ ̱͕̖̝̓̉̋̈͒͜"̤̟͖͎̰͌͊̐͊͛M͉͉̳̝͌͆͂̿̿͜A̖̥̩̱̮̓̀͑̾̔T͓͉̮̟̖̔̅̀͘̕Ś̲̝͈̞̜̋̈͌̓Ķ͍͙̟͙́̓͊̾̉A̙̻̣̟̘͂̆̚̕̕ ̤̪̪̠̪̎͌̈̽̏B̠̰̣̻̪͆͗͑̄̚Ę̱͇̼̞̈́̓͗̿͝L̢͔̜̼̮͗͒̊̒͝M̰͙̮̖̪̃̀̿̔͠O͎̥͉̖̬͒͒̍̀͠N͖͍͍̞̹͒̀̾͆̕D̮̼͇̲̖̓̄̃̇̆Ẹ̤̩̳̤̈́͌͋̎̚ ̨̩͔̪̟͒̔̒̾͝W̙̟̳̮̜̎̀͆̂͝Ĩ̳̩͎̦̹͒̀̊̚L͍̤̞̱̽̔̽̈͘ͅL̘̝͕͕̝̔͑̍̀͝ ̖͉̻̪̫̌͊̆͐̈B̢̮͇͎̈́̀̃̏̿͜E̠̯͈̤̤̽̔͛̆͠ ͕̦̺̺̯͋͌̽̚͠M̧̞̻̞̬̋̃̃̔̿Ắ̞͔̼͎͓̊̓͝Ḑ̛̥͈̓͋̀͊͜ͅE̮͖̬̤̱͛͑͊͗̓ ͙̩̥̭͙̋̈͐̾̆Ț̡̰̳̮̀̈́̏͗͝O̫̦̖̫̻͊͂̔̈́͐ ̡̜͇͎̮͆̉͗̏͝P͔̬͇͕̻̔̾̍̏̿A̢̗̙̦̥͆̀̿̂̓Y̮̥̬̰̅̃͊̌͝ͅ ͈͖̱̺̪̀̎̍́͂F̯̰̘̭͍̈́͂͒̕͝O̡̦̲̳͊͂̿̂̄ͅṞ̮͈̘̯̿̊̕͘̚ ̝̖͍̰̲͐̊̉͘͝W̛͍̣͕̖̭͂̒̒̚H̢̝̳̫̺͂͌͋͘̚A͖̩̳̪̽̉̐̇͝ͅT̢̠̠́̀̈́̈́͜͠ͅ ̨̰̹͙͕͑̑̈́́͝S̱͍̘͍̻̄̍̈̚͠H̺̙̼̲͓̍̀̆̋̈́E̹̘̗͙̲̅̋͛̈̀ ̨̜͓̫̥̂͐̉̀̆H̗̻̜̜̜͗̈̎̕̕A͍͍̼͕̱̓̂̎̓̐S̖̙͉̫̲͗̄̑̏͝ ͈̗̹̗̹͌̂̽̊͋D̪͙̝̪̗̋̊̒͑̚Ǫ̦̪̜̠̀̍̔͌͝Ñ̢̲̣͙͎͑̀͊̃Ė̖̻͈̤̞̈̈́͛̏.̪̞͎͎̾̄̋̆̂ͅ

̜̮̪̣̘̊̓̇̆̎I̘̤̝̮͉͋̑̏̆͠F̖̭̻̪͋̂̐͊͌͜ ̨̢͇͈̪̎̆̈́̕͠Y̬̖͇̫̥̌͒̾͆̾O̹̭̺̱̙͐̑̈͑͝Ủ͕͔̺̲̹̾̐̈́͝ ̬͇̯̠̥̓̈́͋̊̚À͚͖͚̗̤̃̀͊͠Ṱ̢͓̦͙̂̾̀̇̉T͈̬͔̠̄̓͋͌͝ͅE̞̼͚͔̤͊͛̀̀͝M͍̭̦͔̣͌̈́̈́͐͠P̪̭̰͎͆̓̊́͘͜Ţ̞̮̞̙̌̋͊̉͊ ̡̦̳̜̲̿͆͊̚͘T̨̡̙̞̖̉̌͆̀̚O̡͓̝͍̼͒͋͌̈͝ ̢̻̱̯̀͗̽͐̓͜Í̡̢̹͙̥͑̎̽͆Ṇ̢͓̰̿̋̄̎͊ͅT̡̛̩̙̯̦̄̆͛̄Ȇ̛̹̗̬͚̩̈́̒Ṛ̢̙̣͇͆͆͒̐͝F͉̹̥̦̺̾͗̏̽̽Ę̤͍͑̎͋͒̿ͅͅR̼̹͕͇̃̄̍̾̓ͅE̢̡̖̜̟͌̀͑̒͠,̛͓̞̠̗̼̿̅͗͝ ̡̙̹̬̱͋̍͗̿̈́Ỵ̝̭͖̞̄͗̍̑͠O͎̝͙̯̫͌͂̅͠͝Ư̘̼̻̤̓̎̓̓͜ ͖̱͇̼̰̿͐̀̀͘Ẅ̗̞̬̥̦́̇́̔̒I͖̟̖̝̙͌̾̉̈́͝Ḽ͇̹̯͚̑͛̍̇̚L̨͍̗̬͍̊̏͘͘͠ ͍̰̥̩̏̀̍̾̊͜B̬̲̖̦͕͋̽̈̀̃Ḛ̱͇͈̘̏̍̉͂͠ ͕̹̼̱̥̋̑̽́̏D̛̛̰͚̦̺͆̋̍͜Ę͔̱̩͌͐̎̆͐ͅS̨̳̯̦̮͑̋͊̔͗T̡̯̫̥͊͗̏̂͜͝R̙̯̖̱̽̇̒͂̑͜Ơ̙̗̣͙̓͂̔͠ͅÝ̲̘̬̲͖̈̓̏͝Ȇ̡̨͍̼͚̏͌̓̏D̻̘̦͈͙̈́͗̽̆̽.̘̯̘̱̫͋̈́̑͋̏"̧̡̜͚͔̋͒͑̿͝ ̢̥̟̩͈̈́̄̓͝͝ ̜̜̤̪̋͑̋̈̓ͅ

"Duly noted." Carmilla stood her ground, waited while the entity turned and left... then nearly doubled over, clutching at her ears in agony. Sure enough, they were bleeding. Her head felt like her brain had been smacked around inside her skull a few times, but she ignored it, checking to make sure... whatever that had been was gone.

Then she immediately headed for the desk and picked up her phone.

The others were still pulling themselves back together - understandably, with his inexperience with controlling his vampiric senses, JP was in the worst shape - but LaF was still quickly able to figure out what she was doing. "Oh, come on, _really_?"

"I have to warn her," she stated as she started dialing.

"Guess we'll just have to hope whatever that is, it can't hear phone calls."

It was a risk, Carmilla admitted to herself. But for her sister's sake, it was one she had to take. " _Hello?_ "

"Mattie, you have to run."

" _...excuse me? What are you-_ "

"No, there's no time to talk, now," she interrupted. "You have to get out before it finds you."

" _Before_ _ **what**_ _finds-_ "

Carmilla interrupted her again, hurriedly describing their recent visitor. "I don't know if it was a reflex or an accident, but unlike me, Laura hung onto the sword when she fell. So now _it_ has it, and is looking for you. Call me when you're somewhere safe, but you have to run _now_." She hung up before Mattie could argue further.

"Well, great. That's fine for _her_ , but what do _we_ do about this?" Perry asked.

No one had an answer.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer:** Still don't own Carmilla (the series), or any recognizable characters.

The life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living.

\- Marcus Tullius Cicero

* * *

Understandably, no one was quite sure what to do after their 'visitor' had departed. Chasing after it - them? - would be utterly pointless, as they likely wouldn't have been able to stop it even if it _hadn't_ been carrying the Blade of Hastur. With it... They'd have _less_ than no chance.

Warning the student body was certainly an option, though warning them of _what_ was the question. The entity in Laura's body didn't seem to care about anything beyond finding and punishing Mattie - who, if she listened to her sister, would be fleeing from the campus even then - so as long as the students of Silas didn't attempt to get in its way, they'd likely be safe. However, if someone - Danny, as an example - took umbrage at Laura's body being so disrespectfully used and tried to do something about it, they would almost certainly be killed. Or worse.

Because with beings like that, Carmilla knew, there was _always_ a worse.

Then there was the fact that the eldritch abomination _did_ only want Mattie. If the students learned that, they might well try and track her down to hand her over to it, so that it would go away. If they did... Well, that wasn't something Mattie would take laying down. One way or another, a bloodbath would result.

Still, they couldn't just let the student body remain ignorant that such a threat was walking among them - God help anyone who spotted "Laura" and tried to drag "her" to the infirmary for help - so, lacking any other effective means of reaching the whole campus at once, a decision was reached to make one more 'SNN broadcast'. Carmilla didn't like it - at all - but it _was_ what Laura would have wanted.

Given how late it was, however, not to mention how run down they all were after the day they'd had, it was decided that they would make their live broadcast in the morning. More people would be awake then, anyway.

And hopefully by then, they'd have some idea of what to actually _say_.

Of course, the prospect of sleeping on it brought with it another concern: the _sleeping_ part. Or, more accurately, dreaming.

Carmilla was pretty sure she wouldn't be the only one with nightmares that night. Assuming anyone could actually fall asleep at all. She could - it was a cat thing, really - but falling asleep and _staying_ asleep were two different things.

Some of her dreams... she didn't even want to remember. But her subconscious clearly wasn't done trying to get through to her, because she eventually found herself in her old dorm room, again.

She wasn't there alone.

Laura wasn't present - not yet, anyway - but standing next to her old bed was... herself. _That_ Carmilla was dressed almost entirely in black leather - boots, pants, and jacket - along with a black t-shirt. If not for her pale skin, she might have blended into the darkness, as the lights were down low, this time. She, herself, was back in the dress she'd worn to Laura's memorial, which would probably say a lot if she felt like reading into it. There was a third figure sitting at the window, looking out, cloaked in shadows.

Carmilla sighed. She didn't really enjoy her self-aware dreams at the best of times - not if she wasn't actively directing them, anyway - and this one didn't even have the consolation of having Laura in it. "What now?"

"Hey, don't get all huffy with me," her evil twin (eviller twin?) replied, raising an eyebrow. "If you'd just listened to _me_ , we wouldn't _be_ in this situation."

"Really?" she asked dryly. "If you're my subconscious, then who's _that_?" She gestured toward the figure at the window.

"Oh, please." The other Carmilla rolled her eyes. "All the philosophy you read, the psychology, the poetry... You really thought you'd be dividing your mind just into conscious and subconscious?"

"Ah." Of course. Three of them, three parts of her mind. She really couldn't do anything normally, could she? "So, why are we here?"

"You let that thing walk off with Laura's body, and you can ask that question?"

"I couldn't have _stopped_ it!" she retorted hotly. "And I meant why are we _here_?" She gestured around the room.

"Since this place is effectively gone, when we're here, you always know it's a dream. Saves time."

She supposed that was true enough. "Great. So, what do you have to say to me, aside from proving that I'm most likely in _desperate_ need of therapy?"

"Track that thing down and _make it_ get out of Laura's body!"

"Uh-huh. And... how, pray tell, should I do that?"

"How should _I_ know? You're the brain. Figure something out before it finds Mattie."

"Easy for _you_ to say. The last time I tried taking on any kind of eldritch creature didn't go so well, as you may recall, and this time I don't even have the sword."

"Then get it _back_."

"Then what?"

"Give it to Lawrence. She wants to be a hero? Let her."

"No." The word was so quiet, it took a moment for her to realize the third figure had spoken up at all. "Laura wouldn't want that."

If she was the brain - or the ego - and the leather-clad version of her was her id, then it was easy to guess who the other one was. Carmilla studied the visualization of her super-ego and winced: she was wearing a dark cloak, hiding most of her from sight, but not enough to keep from noticing how gaunt and emaciated she looked, like a starving refugee. She was sitting at the window, legs drawn up against her chest, shoulders hunched and head ducked down, like she expected to be struck at any moment.

Her id shot her super-ego a derisive look, scoffing. "I really thought we'd killed her off in the 1700s," she remarked, irritated.

Mother had certainly done what she could to get rid of her conscience, that was for certain. Carmilla had actually thought she'd succeeded, too, but clearly she'd been fooling herself. But then, she lied to everyone else, why not herself, too?

"You're the one who kept siding with Mattie," her super-ego replied quietly, still not looking at either of them.

"Family comes first," her id stated firmly. "We should have just turned Laura. That would have solved all our problems. But _nooooo_... **Somebody** wouldn't hear of it." She glared at her super-ego.

"You can't force that on someone. She would have hated us for it."

"We got used to it; she would have, too."

"No," Carmilla broke in. "She's right; deciding something like that for Laura would have been wrong. What I _should_ have done was talk to her about the possibility. I... really don't know why I didn't."

"You were afraid," her super-ego whispered. "If she said no, rejected the idea, _someone_ would have seen that as rejecting _you_." She didn't look at her id, but it was obvious who she was talking about.

"She'd seen too many bad examples of vampiric behavior and too few good ones to want to say yes," her id defended.

"Because no one would listen to _me_."

"That is _not_ -"

"Yes, it is," Carmilla broke in. "Listening to her... That's what Laura really wanted from me. Naturally, I figure that out too damn late to matter."

"Better late than never." She turned to see Laura standing in the doorway to the bathroom, wearing the tank top and pajama bottoms she had customarily worn to bed in their dorm.

Had she been paying attention to them, the slightly mystified look her super-ego and id exchanged at the appearance of someone else in the dream would have raised a whole host of new questions.

"Anyway, as much as I'm sure we're all enjoying this dramatic presentation of 'The Three Faces of Carmilla', I think you're getting rather off-topic," Laura continued.

"I don't _know_ what to do about the thing in your body," Carmilla said, feeling off-balance. "I don't even know who or what it _is_." She paused. "For that matter, who are _you_ supposed to be?" The three parts of her mind were already accounted for, after all.

"Then you're going to need to figure out what it is, aren't you? Sounds like some research is called for."

"How? The Library's gone, remember?"

"Gone where?"

"I don't know." She struggled to contain her frustration. "That thing's, like, a sentient Escher painting with shelves, or something. How should _I_ know where it might have gone."

"You know _why_ it left, though," her super-ego told her, slightly louder than she'd been at any other point, as if Laura's presence was giving her strength.

That probably said a lot about why she'd usually gone along with Laura's ideas, aside from doing things just for Laura herself.

Laura beamed at her, and she straightened up a little. "Exactly," Laura said, giving Carmilla an expectant look.

"What, because Mattie was taking away... its books...?" She trailed off, eyes widening.

"You should talk to JP," Laura suggested. "He'd know better than most what the Library's definition of 'memory' would be - and who _else_ might have died or become trapped there. He's awfully sane for having had _no one_ to talk to for a hundred and forty years, don't you think?"

"And your body got up and walked away _immediately_ after he was downloaded into Will's," Carmilla's id added in a tone of dawning comprehension.

"We showed it how," Carmilla realized. "Then it locked onto the only other dead body around: yours."

"If we know what it is, we can try to understand it," her super-ego said. "Maybe reason with it. Because it's too big to fight."

"Maybe it wants its books back," her id suggested with a shrug.

Maybe. And she certainly would be speaking to the Librarian - er, to JP - about this in the morning. But first things first, she decided. "You never did answer my question," she observed quietly, walking over to Laura. "Who are you supposed to be?"

Laura had a small smile on her face. "Who do you think I am?"

She supposed that, however linear and coherent it seemed to be, a dream was still a dream, and maybe some things couldn't be approached - or answered - directly. That didn't make it less annoying. "I'm asking you; the three aspects of my mind are already here."

"Who said I was from your mind?"

"So... what? You're supposed to represent my _heart_ , or some such sappy thing?"

Laura seemed to consider that. "Well, I suppose it _is_ yours now," she said finally. "I did give it to you, after all."

Carmilla blinked. "What?"

Laura favored her with a warm smile. "You might not have always believed it yourself, but I knew I could trust you with it."

The potential implications of that statement - that this might be an echo of the actual Laura, or at least something the love she'd freely offered had left behind - took her breath away. "...Laura?"

Naturally, the dream ended before she got an answer.

* * *

The next morning, Carmilla discovered that, surprisingly, she seemed to have gotten more actually restful sleep than anyone else in the house. She wanted to think that was Laura's doing, in some fashion or another, but that was something that would require some serious thinking to figure out, and, as Laura herself might have said, she just didn't have the brainspace to deal with that question right then. As such, she set it aside for the time being, focusing instead on the other big thing she remembered from that dream.

JP was a little more out of it than everyone else that morning. Understandable, given how long it had been since he'd actually _slept_ , let alone had to deal with dreams, good _or_ bad. It wasn't that Carmilla was unsympathetic - she'd gone through her own horrific imprisonment, so she had a _slightly_ better idea than the others what he'd endured - but her main thought was that this would make it far easier to get answers from him.

Because dream-Laura was right: he was _far_ too normal for someone who'd gone through what he had. She'd needed a fair amount of time to pull herself together after the coffin, but he was fine immediately? Granted, the time he'd been able to communicate with the students of Silas via the Library's computer system might have helped, as would Laura and LaFontaine bringing him home with them (in a way), but still...

She cornered him at the kitchen table as he and the others were having breakfast. "Alright, Armitage, we need to talk." She was getting a number of surprised reactions, both from her words and that she was awake and dressed so many hours before noon, but she didn't care, focusing all of her attention on JP.

He blinked at her in confusion. "Certainly. What would you like to discuss?"

"That... _thing_... in Laura's body. It said we didn't understand the meaning of the word 'memory'. But after all that time in the Library, I'd bet you have a better idea than most, wouldn't you?"

"I do seem to have a photographic recollection of the information I accessed while trapped within the Library's catalog," he admitted slowly, still looking unsure where she was going with this.

"Wait, really?" LaFontaine interjected. At his nod, they raised their eyebrows. "Nice."

Carmilla, meanwhile, had a different point in mind. "Because memory is what the Library's all about, isn't it? That's _why_ it's a Library at all. The information in the books, the stories that people wrote... memories of people long gone."

Understanding dawned. "And Ms. Belmonde began selling off its books..." he said softly.

LaFontaine took a bit longer to get it. "Wait... Are you saying _the Library_ hijacked Laura's body? Why? Actually, _how_?"

"He just told you why," Carmilla said, gesturing to JP. "Mattie was placed in charge of the college, and betrayed its trust, then started _selling_ some of the memories it had collected. As for how..." She gestured at JP again.

LaF might have needed a couple extra moments to catch up with JP, but now that they had, they were able to take the next mental step with ease. "JP was still connected to the Library when we downloaded him into Will," they said quietly, face paling. "It _saw_ what we did, didn't it?"

"It seems likely." Carmilla's glare returned to JP. "Which brings us to it 'selecting an intermediary' to talk for it. How many of you were _in_ that damned building?"

"You would be hard-pressed to find a location on this campus where someone did _not_ die, over the years," he said uncomfortably. "Particularly in a place such as that, which could be actively hostile if it chose. I was, at times, aware of others accessing the Library's information, as I was, but establishing any lines of communication was... difficult, at best." Difficult, Carmilla noted, was not the same as impossible.

"If it collects the memories that people created... would it want _their_ memories, too?" Perry asked, looking paler than anyone, even the vampires. "Them? Their... _souls_ , or something?"

There was an idea even Carmilla found disturbing. "With so many people dying here, but so few ghosts around..." She shrugged. "That may even be why it absorbed a certain records clerk, back in the day."

"I suppose that means the Dean wasn't the only one who thought I knew too much?" It was said lightly, almost joking, but the fact that it was quite possibly _true_ sucked any real humor out of it.

"So... Maybe we should start trying to find out just what Mattie _did_ with those books Corvae managed to get out before it went away?" LaFontaine suggested. "If it can get them back, and your sister's nowhere to be found, maybe it'll be willing to go away?"

Giving the thing that had stolen Laura's body what it wanted didn't feel right at all, but she had to look at the bigger picture. This _wasn't_ a threat they could fight themselves. Giving it the books, maybe in exchange for abandoning Laura's body, might be the best plan.

At the moment, it was also the _only_ plan.


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer:** Still don't own Carmilla (the series), or any recognizable characters.

"Every man gives his life for what he believes. Every woman gives her life for what she believes. Sometimes people believe in little or nothing, and so they give their lives to little or nothing. One life is all we have, and we live it as we believe in living it…and then it's gone.

But to surrender who you are and to live without belief is more terrible than dying – even more terrible than dying young."

\- Jeanne d'Arc

* * *

"I confess, I expected somewhat more difficulty in getting into the Dean's former office," JP said, looking around with interest

Carmilla didn't know what it would have been like when he'd been a student at Silas - or if he'd ever seen it, back then - but she'd always been somewhat surprised by how... normal it was. The Dean's office was exactly that: an office. A sturdy oak desk that had probably been there as long as Silas had existed, a comfortable leather chair (the current one had been bought nine years ago), a computer (it had been a typewriter, when she'd first arrived; that had vanished when personal computers became a thing, a steady stream of increasingly powerful and multi-functional computers following), a pair of significantly less comfortable chairs on the other side of the desk, presumably to discourage any company from lingering longer than absolutely necessary. Filing cabinets were off against one wall. There were no pictures on the walls, or any kind of personal affects on the desk (unless one counted the old-fashioned desk lamp). It was a place the Dean had gone to get work done, and nothing more.

It probably said something that even Mattie, who had every right to, hadn't set up shop in their mother's office. It felt so... sterile. Artificial, even, in a way.

Carmilla didn't really want to be there, herself, but her mother's work computer was probably the only terminal on campus that would be able to pull up the records of the sales Mattie had made. (Well, the only one if they actually wanted to get answers sometime _this_ century. Whoever LaFontaine had gotten help from in keeping Laura's videos from setting off a security response last semester seemed to be among the ones who'd also fled the campus - hopefully successfully.) The Silas Etheralnet could be accessed from anywhere on campus, but a lot of the more secure files could only be accessed from certain terminals, as a security precaution. The one in Mother's home _should_ have been one of them, but evidently Mattie had cut off access once she'd arrived at Silas - which made sense, given that Laura had been the one mainly using the computer. However, none of them had gone _anywhere_ near the Dean's office, so...

Well, it was their only chance. No one wanted to bring in anyone else from the Board of Governors, unsure how much they could trust them. (Not to mention that, with JP's revelation that, without a Student Body representative, the Board's decisions weren't exactly binding just then, they would be powerless to do anything about the Library's wandering off in Laura's body... and the Library would know it. While Hasturmenchen might, admittedly, would know a lot more than they did about the Blade of Hastur - including any possible weakness - he was also probably less than pleased with them for stealing and then _losing_ the sword.) "Yeah, well, who'd want to come _here_ unless they absolutely had to?"

"A fair point, to be certain." She personally could have done without the formal, drawn-out speech he often employed, but having lived through at least some of the Victorian era, she knew it could be a _lot_ worse, so she supposed she should appreciate that he was at least trying. "Still, I'm surprised Ms. Belmonde wouldn't have secured it against her fellow Board members, if nothing else."

"Mother didn't exactly hand out spare keys to her office," Carmilla said as she sat down at the desk and started up the computer. She wished they could have just looked through the filing cabinets to try and find what they needed, but even if Mattie had printed the files out, she wouldn't have kept them here. "I only have one because I found it in her bedroom." In the process of searching out anything that might have alerted Laura as to whom had originally owned the mansion they'd moved into... She felt another wave of crushing guilt and did what she could to keep it off her face. She didn't need JP asking questions and starting a conversation she _really_ didn't want to have, especially with him.

It wasn't that she had anything against him specifically - no more than the others, at any rate - even with his walking around in Will's body. (She hadn't been kidding when she'd said that she'd never liked Will.) It would be completely irrational to hold the current situation against him, as he hadn't even known what LaFontaine and their assistants in the Alchemy Club were trying to do until after they'd actually done it. Still, that he was alive and walking around while Laura... wasn't...

She might have resented him a bit, for that. Even knowing that she shouldn't.

She also hadn't exactly asked for - or wanted - any company during her 'mission'. However, as LaFontaine and Perry had been gearing up for their broadcast - it had reminded them both so much of one of their old 'Dons Disseminating' videos that they'd even decided to call it that, perhaps in an effort (and not an entirely unappreciated one) to make Carmilla feel better about the whole thing - they'd realized that no one but the four of them (and some of the Alchemy Club) knew that JP was now in Will's body, and hadn't wanted to be in the middle of explaining why their dead friend's body walking around was a Very Bad Thing and have _another_ person everyone knew was dead in the background. He hadn't wanted to just sit around off-camera not doing anything, and everyone else felt the current situation warranted not going anywhere by yourself, so, despite her protests, she'd suddenly had company.

As for why they didn't just explain about JP's current circumstances... Well, they were likely to do so eventually, but Carmilla was pretty sure that LaFontaine, at least, didn't want to the Library taking possession of Laura's corpse was _all their fault_.

She didn't hold the current situation against JP. That didn't mean she didn't hold it against _anyone_. Maybe when Laura's body wasn't on walkabout, she might feel differently, but right then...?

She wasn't in a terribly rational mood.

It didn't take long to login - she'd figured out her mother's password a while ago, though she'd never had occasion to make use of that information, given the constant close scrutiny, and she immediately set about trying to figure out how to find what they wanted to know. Emphasis on _trying_.

Computers weren't really her thing. She knew _how_ to use one, more or less, but even something like Laura's video editing had been beyond her skill set.

Though... Well, if JP insisted on tagging along, he could at least make himself useful. "Alright, mister Records Clerk, you're on," she said, getting up and stepping aside.

"I'm always happy to help," he said agreeably as he took her seat and began typing far more rapidly than she had been. "Is there anything I need to know about how your sister would organize her files?"

Carmilla considered that. "If we were looking for any of her personal files, probably. But something like this is work, and we were trained to be as direct and to the point with that kind of thing as possible." She declined to elaborate on that, and he wisely refrained from asking.

She didn't feel like revisiting those memories just then. Or ever, really.

"Very well." He fell silent, the only sound in the office his rapid keystrokes. She was ordinarily good at being patient - it was part and parcel of being a hunter - but right then she felt antsy as hell just standing around while that damned _thing_ strolled around in Laura's body, trying to find and kill Mattie. There just wasn't anything else for her to _do_. She wasn't accustomed to feeling so helpless, and didn't care for it.

Not one bit.

"I doubt anyone would, Miss Karnstein," JP told her, making her realize she'd been musing aloud for at least part of that. "When I was first absorbed into the Library... I confess, I had, at times, felt somewhat helpless during my investigation into the missing girls, and the vampires in charge of Silas. _That_ made me realize I hadn't truly known what the word meant. I couldn't see anything, or speak, or _move_..."

"Yeah," she said quietly. "I get that. Being able to move _just_ enough to know you'll never escape on your own isn't really any better."

"Indeed." It was something of a novel experience, finding someone who actually _understood_ what her imprisonment had been like. They didn't say anything else for a while, because neither _needed_ to. They both _got it_.

As he worked, she couldn't help but think about the rest of what he'd said. "It's... easy to forget, sometimes," she began softly. When he paused and looked up at her, she continued, "What it's like. Being human, I mean. So much slower, weaker, so much more limited senses. _Knowing_ that there are predators in your midst, and that if they come after you, chances are good that you'd never be able to stop them... or even slow them down. I didn't really have any experience with vampires before I died, that I knew of. Laura and her friends..." She shook her head wordlessly.

"They are quite possibly the bravest, most impressive collection of people I've ever known," JP agreed. "I only regret not knowing their like before..." He trailed off, gesturing at himself - or, more accurately, at Will's body. "I don't know that I would have succeeded in saving the girls taken in 1874, but I am fairly certain that I wouldn't have been absorbed into the Library had I not been working alone."

"Yeah, well. No point wondering about 'what ifs' or 'if onlys'," she said gruffly. Because if she did, if she let herself think too hard about that, she'd be forced to realize 1874 was when Elle would have been sacrificed, and if she did that, she'd then wonder if Elle, having realized what Carmilla had been (however unknowingly) trying to save her from, would tell them what happened to her, and they'd have come and dug her up.

It hadn't happened. JP had failed, Elle had been sacrificed, she'd remained in her prison, and time had marched inexorably forward. Never again, she'd promised herself. She'd never make the mistake of _actually_ falling in love again, no matter what she might say or imply to Mother or any of her minions, to try and save someone - anyone - from her, in however small a fashion.

Then she'd met Laura.

She'd tried to resist. Oh, how she'd tried. She'd played up her worst traits, verbally laid into the girl, belittled her goals and methods, and avoided her whenever possible. And yet, despite her best efforts... Laura began creeping into her heart. Nothing she said, nothing she _did_ could stop it. It didn't matter, she tried to tell herself. Even if she _did_ feel something for the Creampuff, Laura was doomed, one way or another. She could save her from one thing after another, but her mother _would_ take her sooner or later. It was inevitable. Even after they'd learned about the Blade of Hastur, even when she'd thought that maybe, just maybe, there was a _slight_ chance that they could actually _win_... Maman had, predictably, shot that plan down with ease. Yet, despite that, she still _might_ have been able to be with Laura... had she only realized that _damned_ camera of hers had been recording the whole time and erased the video file. But she'd just been fooling herself with that - Laura _would_ have discovered the truth sooner or later, especially when she never turned up with the sword. The longer it took, the longer Carmilla lied to her, the worse it would have been.

When Laura had charged off to her almost certain death, that should have been it. She'd been through that sort of thing enough to know when it was over. Yet, instead, she'd done it. She'd raced off to recover the Blade of Hastur, she'd openly challenged her mother, and she'd shattered the Light that had been keeping the souls of the girls sacrificed prisoner. She'd been terrified the whole time, but at no point as much as she had when she'd arrived in the cavern to see Laura, entranced, marching toward the chasm where she now knew Lophiiformes had been waiting. She'd just barely gotten there in time... but she _had_ been in time. She'd saved Laura. She'd freed Elle and the others. Waking up in her dorm room, barely having time to realize that, to her astonishment, she'd actually survived, before Laura all but tackled her...

The _relief_ on Laura's face, the _happiness_...

Worth it. Completely worth it.

Why hadn't she ever _told_ Laura how she felt? Even at the end, when Laura confessed her own feelings... She'd been caught off guard, yes, and hadn't had much time to say anything, but... She should have made sure that Laura knew that, despite what Mattie had said or implied, she _hadn't_ been so fickle when it came to love. She hadn't _loved_ any of those people that she'd been trying to save. Hadn't she told Laura that Elle had been the only one? That she didn't want to go through that again?

Though... That _had_ been right before her mother had hijacked Laura's body. Maybe her words hadn't quite made it into Laura's long-term memory, because of that.

It didn't matter anymore. She'd said it herself: there was no point in wondering about 'what ifs' and 'if onlys'.

Laura was dead. What Carmilla had or hadn't said to her didn't matter. The only thing that did was getting the Library out of her body and laying it to rest.

"I am... sorry," JP said haltingly. "That my transference... I assure you, if I'd known this was even possible..."

"You couldn't have known what was going on, given what shape you were in," she said flatly. "It's not like Doctor LaFenstein let anybody know what they were planning until the last minute. You were gone, by then."

"Even so..." He paused. "Ah, here we are. Ms. Belmonde made a total of five sales to private collectors." He frowned. "I know some of these volumes. They're exceedingly rare. Getting them back may prove... difficult, without the ability to try and convince the buyers in person."

"Great. No wonder Encyclopedia Deathtanica is so pissed."

JP was copying down the information anyway. Who knew? Maybe one of those buyers might actually have a conscience. Or perhaps someone - Mattie, as an example - might call them, and they could get someone to retrieve the books by whatever means necessary. "It is somewhat ironic," he mused. "We all spent so much time worrying about the Hungry Light, when there was an even more voracious predator right in our midst."

She didn't like thinking about that. It made all their visits to the Library that much more disturbing. "Well, it collected most of its victims after they died, so I'd call it more of a carrion feeder." Though either way, it had been dangerous as just a building. If it could reach out and possess a human body, who knew what else it could do?

Or how many other people it could take.

"I don't suppose there's anything you can tell me about that woman it had speaking for it?"

He frowned, pensive. "She's not someone I've ever encountered previously, before or after being trapped in the Library's catalogue."

"And how many people did you encounter in there with you?"

The question was casually asked, yet still briefly made him freeze. "I don't... know."

"Really?"

"I was mostly kept separated, I think. Perhaps because it _had_ gone out of its way to actively pull me into its collection. I was able to read through much of the books - in a way, it was like there were 'digital' copies of all the books in the Library's consciousness. That, or it had memorized them all."

"Thus, your own perfect recollection of what _you_ read in there."

"Quite. I don't know how long I existed in my helpless state, but I was eventually allowed access to its archives. It would create the illusion of actually being in the physical Library, so that I could seemingly read physical books. Except that I didn't need to eat, or sleep, and there were no exits or windows. Sometimes, though... I'd find notes. From others, like me, who were trapped there. I never _saw_ anyone, never spoke with them... We just left each other notes. When the catalogue was digitized... I can't even explain it. Suddenly being able to communicate with the outside world after so long, even in such a limited fashion..." He shook his head. "I don't know that it's happy that I got away. I've been too afraid to check, lest it... pull me back."

" _Check_?" she asked sharply.

"I suspect that... there _may_ still be a connection between myself and the Library," he admitted slowly, wincing at the glare she was giving him. "If there is, and I were to open it, I could be sucked back in, and it would then have _two_ puppets to hunt down your sister with." He paused, then added, "Truthfully, I wouldn't even know how to begin going about such a thing, in any event. And if I did... It would likely know. It left us alone before, I believe, because what we were doing wasn't important. We didn't matter. This might change that."

"It might," she agreed. Before he could relax too much, she added, "It also might help us learn more about what we're up against." She laughed humorlessly. "Hell, that's what we do, isn't it? When we end up in these kinds of situations? Research trip to the Library."

"I suppose that's true." He shook his head. "I don't believe LaFontaine is going to like this idea."

That was probably an understatement.


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer:** Still don't own Carmilla (the series), or any recognizable characters.

 **Author's Note:** Not sure if people are still liking this story or not, but hopefully this chapter will at least surprise you, a bit. ;)

"Since that day there is nothing anyone could ever say to convince me that one person cannot change a nation. One person can do unbelievable things. All it takes is that one person who's willing to risk everything to make it happen."

\- Sam Childers, Another Man's War: The True Story of One Man's Battle to Save Children in the Sudan

* * *

"This is _such_ a bad idea. I mean, even _**I**_ think this is a bad idea."

Really, it was kind of hard to disagree with LaFontaine on that point. They'd returned to the lab in the Alchemy Department building where they'd downloaded JP into Will's body, and hooked him up to... Honestly, Carmilla wasn't quite sure. There were wires leading to and from a bank of machines, some of which connected to a series of electrodes attached to JP's head. He was sitting on the edge of the table he'd been laying flat on the last time, looking anxious and uncomfortable. Despite that, he offered no objection to the proceedings.

"We've got to know more about what we're dealing with," Carmilla replied simply. She and Perry were staying well out of the way as LaFontaine worked. "We don't know where Laura's body even _is_ right now, so we can't exactly go up to it and ask. Not to mention, neither the Library - presuming we're right, and that even _is_ what hijacked her body - nor that woman were especially revealing the last time."

"It would also mean that thing _talking_ again," Perry added, wincing at the mere memory of the entity's 'voice'.

"Why not ask your sister, then?"

"Ask her what? 'Hey, have you killed anybody who might be upset with you for it?' Yeah, somehow, I don't see that producing any helpful results." She loved her sister, but she'd never been blind to what kind of person Mattie was. It was just that centuries of exposure to her mother's warped, twisted way of thinking had affected her, to the point where she didn't think murder was necessarily a bad thing. It could even be fun.

She hadn't realized exactly how far she'd fallen until Laura, pure and pristine, had walked into her life, bringing her unshakable convictions and morals with her.

LaFontaine snorted. "Point," they admitted. With a sigh, they turned back to the console they were standing in front of and entered a command. "Okay, Jeep, we're gonna take this slow, and go one layer at a time. If it gets to be too much, or the Library starts trying to pull you back in, just say the word, and I'll hit the kill switch and shut the whole thing down."

"I understand." He closed his eyes and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

"I'm not getting anything," he finally said.

"Okay. Going to level two." After another interminable wait, he shook his head. "Okay. Level three."

He twitched a little. "That did something," he reported. "I can... sense the Library. Only vaguely. It doesn't seem aware of me, yet."

"Good," LaFontaine stated firmly.

"It does feel more... chaotic, and active, than I remember. It seems we were correct about it seizing Miss Hollis's body."

"Great," Carmilla said flatly. "And the rest?"

"I... can't tell." He shook his head again. "It's all too muddled and quiet."

LaFontaine didn't sound at all happy as they said, "Going to level four..."

JP nodded slowly. "Much better. I think I can access the Library's mainframe, now." He was silent for a long moment. "It _is_ searching for its lost tomes, in addition to seeking to punish Ms Belmonde. It doesn't want to kill her, though. She has over twelve hundred years of accumulated memories that would be lost if it did that."

"It wants to absorb her like it did you?" Carmilla asked, surprised... though she realized, belatedly, that she shouldn't have been. JP had made it clear what the Library's _modus operandi_ was, and she'd already acknowledged to herself that with such entities there was always something worse than being killed that could happen to you.

"Yes. It's getting opposition to that, though. Nearly everyone else contained within it that knows who your sister is wants her dead."

"...nearly?" Perry asked quietly. It was clear that this whole procedure was making her horribly uncomfortable, but she didn't want to be alone back at the house, either, so she was staying.

"A few are ambivalent about the prospect, though even they seem to believe that would be preferable to eternal imprisonment." Carmilla buried a shudder, not sure if she disagreed. After her own experience... "Only one or two are actively trying to get it to leave her alone, but there's too much chaos to get any details." He frowned. "I believe that stretching to take possession of Miss Hollis's body is limiting its ability to keep the souls contained within it quiet and orderly. Its intermediary, whom it identifies as User Number 01136, was not supposed to threaten her death, and certainly should not have meant it."

"So... What? If that woman's in control when they find Mattie, she might kill her before it can absorb her?"

"It's possible. Though, I would not want to be her afterward, if she did." If she wound up destroying the 1,200+ years of memories Mattie carried... Yeah, Carmilla reflected, the Library would _not_ be happy. "Also... I do not believe she was being entirely honest."

"What do you mean?" LaF asked. Despite seeming as caught up in what he was saying as anyone else, their hand was still hovering over the kill switch, ready to hit it at a moment's notice.

"She was not _selected_ as an intermediary, so much as the Library allowed her to speak when she surged forward and took control. It _did_ realize it wouldn't get any answers asking the questions itself, which is why it didn't rein her in immediately."

So, a woman with a blind, seething hatred for her sister could take control of Laura's body - still holding the Blade of Hastur - at will? Great. "Who _is_ this woman?"

"Hold on, I need to look up her file." There was a long pause. "It... seems to be restricted..."

LaFontaine sighed heavily. "Level _five_..." As they'd explained it, there were only six levels, and the risk to JP got exponentially worse, the higher they got. Carmilla was pretty sure they'd sooner 'accidentally' sever the connection than take it all the way.

"Ah, I have access." A much shorter pause. "User Number 01136. Name: Jennifer Stoughton. Born May 27th, 1938, Portland, Oregon. Died October 31st, 1959, in the Robespierre Building. No official investigation was conducted."

"Why do that when you _know_ who killed her?" LaF muttered.

"Quite," JP agreed, surprising them. Clearly, JP with vampiric hearing was a concept that would take a bit longer to adjust to. "The Library's file indicates Ms Belmonde lured her to the Robespierre under false pretenses, then ritually sacrificed her... just to get the answers to a few questions about the Dean."

"Why did she go?" Carmilla wondered. Mattie had made a few attempts on their mother's life herself, so she didn't need to ask what the questions might have been about. "Nobody goes to the Robespierre voluntarily - on Halloween, no less - especially with the Chair of the Board of Governors." Mattie, to her knowledge, had never pretended to be a student as part of Mother's supernatural con game.

"It seems Ms Belmonde had tricked her into believing they were in a relationship."

"Your sister's a real piece of work, you know that?" LaFontaine told her.

"What, you thought Mother would let her get away unscathed while she had the rest of us reeling the marks in?" That was the _other_ main reason why Mattie hadn't really believed her relationship with Laura was both serious and genuine. Faking it with so many other people for so long... Frankly, she was amazed Laura had trusted her enough to actually _try_ and enter into a relationship with her, _knowing_ what her past had been.

"I feel I should warn you-" JP began before abruptly breaking off, head jerking to the side and body going rigid. "It sees me," he stated tensely, alarm creeping into his voice despite his best efforts.

LaFontaine instantly hit the kill switch.

JP convulsed at the sudden loss of the connection, nearly falling off the table. Carmilla might have caught him before he fell - both out of reflex and because this whole thing had been her idea, and she _did_ have a certain small amount of basic decency left in her, despite her mother's best efforts to get rid of it - but Perry actually beat her to it, steadying him until he'd regained his balance.

A moment later, she seemed to realize what she was doing and took a step, clutching her hands protectively close to her chest. A moment after _that_ , she looked abashed at her reaction. "A-Are you okay, JP?" She was clearly still trying to deal with the whole idea of 'JP the vampire', but her instinctive desire to help showed she was making real progress - that, or helping others was so much a part of her nature that it didn't matter who the other person was.

 _Good for you_ , Carmilla thought. Little wonder she and Laura had gotten along so well, to the point of making their suicidal charge against the Dean and her forces together.

"Quite. Thank you, Miss Perry," he replied, smiling at her. She seemed flustered, like she wasn't sure how she was supposed to react, and he continued talking, not incidentally drawing everyone's attention away from her. "As I was saying, Miss Karnstein, I feel I should warn you that you do not seem to be terribly popular among the Library's soul collection, either."

"Somehow, I doubt that's a surprise to the leech."

Everyone started at the voice they now recognized as Jennifer Stoughton, and turned to see the entity standing near the door. Carmilla may have been paying more attention to what JP was saying than her surroundings, but she was sure she would have heard it if the door had opened, and it hadn't. In fact, it was _still_ closed. Apparently, the entity didn't _need_ to do mundane things like go through doorways or cross linear space to get places. Little wonder no one had seen any sign of it around campus.

Interestingly, there were far fewer cracks in the body's skin, as if the Library was repairing it. Who knew? Maybe they'd eventually manage to have an open casket funeral for Laura, after all. Though Lawrence would probably want to have one of the Summers' funeral pyres, if only to prevent anything _else_ from happening to Laura's body... and Carmilla could understand that line of reasoning. She didn't even disagree, necessarily.

Of course, before they could worry about anything like that, there was _one_ little matter to deal with. "Jennifer Stoughton, I presume?"

"I was." She shrugged her borrowed shoulders. "Been doing your research, I see?" The twin ebony orbs shifted to JP. "It's left you alone out of gratitude for showing it a way to assume control of a suitable vessel, but if you do something like _that_ again, it _will_ take you back."

"Noted," he said stiffly, sliding off the table and onto his feet. To his credit, he was standing his ground. (Perry had skittered around the table to stand over near LaFontaine, but given that she was only human and had no real offensive skills - even staking Will had been more due to luck and the element of surprise than anything else - that was understandable.)

"If you're going to be going against what the Library wants Mattie for, should we be talking to someone else?" Carmilla pressed. She had no intention of letting _anything_ happen to Mattie, but if there was a more reasonable intermediary available, she wanted to know.

Jennifer chuckled darkly. "Oh, you don't want to ask that," she promised. "There are a _lot_ of people in here who _**really**_ don't like you. Of course, if you keep talking, you may find that out for yourself - it takes some _serious_ emotion to break through the Library's control of this body, but if they start working together, they'll easily be able to manage it."

"And what do _you_ think would happen if you actually managed to kill Mattie?" Carmilla shot back, trying not to dwell on the woman's words.

"It would be worth it."

"You say that now, but-"

"How could you do it?" a new voice asked.

"What?" Carmilla frowned in confusion. She hadn't gotten a positive answer to her earlier question about other people to talk to, so...

Oh.

Oh, no.

"How could you do that to me?" the unknown voice continued. "I thought you cared about me, Marcilla!"

 _"Why did you kill me?"_ someone else asked. _"Why?"_

"Why didn't you save me?" a third unknown broke in. "They came for me, and you just let them take me! I wasn't even supposed to be sacrificed! If you'd just _said_ something..."

The voices began getting louder, and started overlapping, creating a cacophony of sound. Whether just the noise, the accusations and questions and wails of betrayl, or some psychic component - or, perhaps, all three - Carmilla recoiled, slapping her hands over her ears. It wasn't enough, though. She just couldn't shut it out.

Why? { _ **I**_ } How Why? ( _I_ ) { _ **hope**_ } Why? could [ **You're** ] you Why? { _ **this**_ } ( _loved_ ) Why? [ **nothing** ] { _ **thing**_ } Why? do [ **but** ] { _ **eats**_ } Why? that [ **a** ] ( _you._ ) { _ **you,**_ } Why? [ **monster!** ] to Why? { _ **too.**_ } me, Mircalla? Why?

"I'm sorry!" she cried, sliding down against the wall she'd backed into, the entity standing before her, continuing its litany. "I'm so sorry! I didn't know... I'm sorry." She just kept repeating those two words over and over, ignoring the pounding pressure in her head and the blood trickling from her nose and ears.

"You're sorry, alright," someone else said... only this voice she knew. "Honestly, Kitty. How the mighty have fallen."

She tentatively took her hands away from her ears. "Will?"

"I'd say 'in the flesh', but my body seems to have been, shall we say, repurposed." He shot an annoyed look at JP, even as Carmilla scrambled to her feet.

"Surprised you weren't eaten by the fish," she said. Appearing dignified was something of a lost cause after her little breakdown, but sheer habit had her trying, anyway.

"It didn't like vampires. I guess we didn't taste right, or something." He shrugged. "Not gonna be able to hold this long; I just snuck in behind the others, and once the Library finishes getting them back under control..."

"You know what this thing wants to do to Mattie."

"Yeah." For once, Will was entirely serious. "Don't let it. Hell, let the psycho bitch kill her, if that's what it takes. This thing isn't just gonna take its books and go home. It's mobile, now, and it _likes_ that."

"It must realize that if it continues thusly, it's bound to attract unwanted attention," JP put in.

Will blinked at him, momentarily distracted. "That's what I sound like British?" he wondered.

"What attention, specifically?" Carmilla asked, ignoring the byplay. The Library hardly seemed to care about mortal authorities, after all.

"The Library is precisely that: a library," JP replied. "They are not supposed to be walking around, and something with the metaphysical mass of the Library of Caesarea doing so will likely catch the attention of other, much larger beings."

"Wait, I thought it was named the Theophilus Library," LaFontaine pointed out while Carmilla was digesting what JP had said.

"'Theophilus' is something of a honorary title," he told them. "The word in Greek means 'Friend of God'... and in this case, most likely _not_ the Christian God."

"And the Library of Caesarea?"

"Google it later," Carmilla interrupted. She'd always suspected the Library predated the rest of the college, this just confirmed it. "We kind of have something a bit more important to worry about, first?"

"Oh, you have no idea." Great. Jenifer was back. "I am _going_ to kill Belmonde, and neither you, nor that waste of space you called a 'brother', nor the Library itself is going to stop me."

"Look, I'm sorry about what happened to you," Carmilla began. "But killing Mattie - or absorbing her, or whatever - won't make things better. If you work with us, maybe we can set you _all_ free."

"Really?" Jennifer asked dubiously. "Including all the ones who hate you?"

"Including them, yes." She grimaced. "If I'd known what would happen... They've - _you've_ \- all been through enough. You deserve the chance to move on, and Laura deserves to be laid to rest."

"Gosh, that's so moving, it almost makes me forget you're a liar and a heartless killer." She held up the Blade of Hastur, looking at it. "You know, I could make a _lot_ of people very happy right now..."

"It would be the last thing you ever did." This wasn't good. She didn't have a lot of room to dodge, and she had no idea how fast the entity was.

"Given the state of this body, I have to question that," Jennifer shot back. "You know what? Let's find out." An invisible force held her immobile - oh, of _course_ it had to have telekinetic powers, too - and the sword swung out in an arc at the right height to behead her. She couldn't help but close her eyes and wait for the end.

And wait.

Several seconds later, she opened her eyes, confused. (Not _unhappy_ , mind you, just confused.) The sword had stopped about an inch away from her skin, and the entity was as still as a statue. She thought it'd had a one-handed grip on the sword before, but now both hands were gripping the pommel. Its face's slackened features twitched once, twice. The invisible force released Carmilla. It made a quiet, utterly incomprehensible noise.

It - _she_ \- shook her head, and Jennifer narrowed her eyes hatefully. "Stay out of this, you little _pest_ , or so help me-" There was a spasm, and she fell silent

It made the noise again, slightly clearer this time. "Rrrrrnnnnnn..."

Carmilla didn't know what was going on, but she started moving ever so slowly along the wall, edging away from the sword. "Um... what?"

"Rrrrrrrnnnnn..." It drew in a ragged breath, whatever being or beings that had control obviously straining. She knew Will was in there, but he would have needed to round up some serious help to fight Jennifer's hatred-fueled control. It looked at her, expression oddly pleading, and tried again. "R-run..." A tear slid down its cheek. "Carm, _run_! I don't... know how long... I can hold..."

Her legs collapsed out from under her. No, that voice could _not_ have been...

The entity abruptly lowered the sword.

̨̯̟̬̳̯̠̙͓̽̊̊̈̀̈͋̅͜͝͠ ̧̠̺̪͕͓͎̦̻̝́͋͌̈́̑̿́̍͝͠T̢̼̺̯̺̙̣̬͕̈́̃͐̈́̆͝͝͠͝ͅḤ̢̭̙͓̰̫͔̖͇̇̄͑́͋̽́͂̕͝Â̡̜̗̲̭̰̞̪̬̬̿̔̏̏̃͑̉̽͝Ţ̡͍͇̪͉͚͙̣͊̓̈́̎͌̑̉̅͂͜ ̯̜͕̹͕̦̹͇͓̜̏̔͌͊̏̉͛͌̒͝I̡̡͙͓̠̰̺̯̲͈̒̽̈́͗̉̉͆̇̍͠S̲͎̘͈͍̟͈̦͇̒͒͑̅̒͊̚̕͘͝ͅ ̨̯̣͔̫̤̫̦̯͈̽͗͌̇͊̋̾̉̓͝È̜̯̣̩̯̰͎͙̝̿̓̇̀͒̍̓͐͗ͅN̨̖͕̖̫͍͙͈̦̤̔̐͌͊̓̈̈́̉́͝Ǫ̧̡̛̼͈̟͖͇̙̺̔̈́̆̽́̓̾̇̕Ụ̢̭̹̰̫̬͉͔̺̆̊̍͒̔̎͐́͑͝G̢̲̼̭͕̖͎̳̤͐̍͂̓̈́͒̉̇̚͜͠H̨̨̛̘͕͉͕̜̦̬͍̿̈̄́́̋̔̈́̒ ̢̹̜̦̞͕̙̩̬̐͗͐̐̀̊̇͊̅͜͠Ỏ̡̨̡̬̞̺̗͓͓̩̈́̓̆̆͆͋͘̚͝U̡̨̧̻͕͓͙̥̟̗͒͌̔̈́͑͛̂̍́͝T̨̡̼̭̙̺̲͙͖̺̊̏̈́̅̐͗̃̍̏̄ ̨̗̳̪̘̻̩̰̻͎̋͆̾͒̀̈́͋̇͗͑Ỏ̯͇̭͎̙͙̟̳̟̈́̂̏͂͑͛͜͝͝͝F̡̰̣͚̟̜̮͓͈̑̓͌̒̽̎̔̈́̑͜͝ ̢̳̗̟͈͉͇̳̲̄̌̂̿̑̎̆͆̕̚͜B͔͕̰͚̝̙̟̝̣̓͋̓͛̔̔̚͜͝͝͝Ơ̧͔̖̰͓̖̗͉̙͉̓̀͆̎̉͊̈́͝͠T͉̣̙̥̲̼̳͉͍͙̓̆̑̋̍͑͗͠͝͝H̢̡̩͈̹̰͉̳͎͓͐̅̔͐̃̄̈́̕͠͝ ̛̱̫̩̘̺̙̙̬͓̞̿̍͋̋̑̏͊͒͝Ǫ̦͉̜̜̤͕̣̦̈́̑̈̈́̾̚̚̕̚͝ͅF̭̮̻͔̣̠͉̬̬̗̓̇͊̑̊͂̆̈́͑̚ ̢͈̮͔͉̣̙͙̱̔̇͒̂͑̔̚͝͝͝ͅŸ̨̠͇̱̩̩͓͔̰́̈́́̎̊̉̽̈̄̕ͅO̧̰͉̰̱̩̬̬̺͒̃̄̊̂̔̍̕͜͠͠Ȕ̡̢̩̲̭̩̩̹̙̹͐̃̅̂̔͘̚͝͝.̨̥͙̮̱͔͖̙͋́̾̂̽͒̇̇͗͜͝ͅ ̡̢̜̼̹̘̤̤̗̬̋̉̏͗̆̋̍̿̕̕ ̫̘͖̪͔̯̝̰̥̱̓̿̔̇͒̃̆͗̃̈́

Carmilla flinched, and not just because of the auditory assault. _Both_ of...? There were only two of...?

But...

̧̢̢̦̙̲̘̪̯̥̽̇̇͒̄́̆͘̚͠ ͓͚͍͈̰̪̠̯̙̬͌́̉̆̆͐̉̆͠͝Ư̗̼͙͕̭͉͈̩̝̹͐́͛͋̋̏̀͝͠S̢̮̻̻̜̞̤̗̰͊̆̐̀͛͒̈͆͒͘ͅE̩͉̭̥̦̖̠̭̣̹͋͛̓̇̔̐̆̀͝͝R̨͖̦͚͉̦̗͇̘̫̾̇̅̃̐̎̋̈́̚͝ ̰̝̲͎͎̯͉͕̦͕̏̎̇́̆̂̌̄̒͘Ņ̳͎̝̗̙̠̗̼̖́͗̓̈̏̿̂̒̎͛Ũ̧̧̠̱̦̮̮̟͇̑̽̈̓͆̊̃̌̓͜M̢̹̪̙̰̦̖̟̥̐̆̃͑̅̅̎̊̾͝ͅB̛̟͕̭̣̝͎̖̹̱͌́́̉̅̔̅̊͜͝Ë̡̛̠͖̻̥̜̯͕́̌̎͊͗̈́͗͗͜͜͠R̨̡̛̪̲̹͖̖̩͍̺̅̒̆͌͆̚̕̚͝ ̡̻̫͇̥͎̝̞̮̅̆̍̿̆̆͗͋̕͝ͅ0̢͚̯̮̮̯̘̻̺̫̃́͒̉̂́̔͌́͝1̨̧̳̥̫̠̩̳̰̿̍̎̈͂̈́́̇̑̇ͅ1̨̬͈̦͕̲̝̯̰̞́͋̽̓̀̂̌͛̌͘3̡̧̢̠̣̦̲̮̟̦̌́̌̋͐͊̈́̍̓͐6̻̰̳̤͉͇͚͇̥͖̍̑̑̓̊̄̀̚͝͝ ̨̩̼͉̣̙̣̙̬͇̀̐̄͂͆̽̚͝͝͝Ä̡͙̬̤͉͇͖̼͈͉́̄̾̀̓̒̒̊͑̈́N̛̞͓̯̖̰̻̯͖̥̝͐̊̅̍͐̑̿͘͘Ḑ̛̛̥͍̙͉̺̘͔̘́̓̋͑͑͗́̚͜ ̢͉̩̲̘̱͉̖̲̈̾͐̓͒̿̾̅̋̋͜U̖͙̳̫̹̖͔̱̱͊̇͐͐́̽̈́̔̑̃ͅS̼̤̹͉͕̤̼͈͎͈̑̓̏͊̃͐͒͑̽͝É̡͍̥̩̤̞̹̰̝̄͌́̽̓͒͆̚̕͜R̡̧̨̼̼̘̼̹̯̳̈̆̀̈́̃̉̈́͗̓̆ ̧̟̦̰̲͚̰̲̯̻́̿̒̈́̈̄̀͆̚̚N̞̥̙͍͙̟̝̯͍̭͒̓͒͗̇̇̈̿͠͝Ư̢̯͙̼̖͙̰̪̺̮̈́̂̈̃̈́͛́́͘M̛͍̼͈̘͎̰̜͍̲̈́̈́̋̀̑̈́͗̒͜͝B̩̯̝̭̯̮̰̣̭͈̏̈́̇͑̆͘͘͠͝͝Ȩ̢̱̣̣͍͈̜̳̺̃̃͑͊̈̋͋̀̂̆R̡̛̬̦̥͕̮͔̥̉̔̔̿̐̑̂̿͠ͅͅ ̡̼̺͉̗͎͔͓̤̑͑͆̊̔̌̍̎͛̐ͅ8̢̥̖̠͙̝̱̬̬͑̀́͛̀́̈̌̇͠ͅ1̩̺̻̺̬̰̞̠̗̙̍̏̄̎̔͒͗̊̀̂3̧̜̲̠̞̻̤͔̮͉̂̄̀̄̃͆͆̾͘͝5̧̧̛̤͓͕̗̫͓͇͚̅̒͌͋̀̉̿͘̕4̡̠̳̙̱͍̩̱̻̎̑̔̅̈̿̇͑́̚ͅ,̝͚̯̙̫̥̬͖̓̎͑͒́̔͆̓̀̍ͅͅ ̨̗̭̘̺̥̖̙̖̓͒̑̓̓́̅͒̔̃͜Ỵ̢̩̦̪̙͖̻͚̑̂̈́̿̍͑̋̂͘͝ͅȮ̧̰̰͖̳̮̮̲̪̊͐͆̅̄̄̓̚̕ͅŲ̛͇̰̦̼̙͙̳͔̝͒̅͗̇͑̍̓̑͝ ̼̮̞̩̞͔̘͙̖͔̔͑͛̔̀͌̄̏́͠W̢̛͎̻̹̫͖̙̖̼̞͗̀̄̊͗̀͑̋̀Ḭ̘̘̣̞͖͎͙̜̏́͌̈́́͋̃̆͘͜͝L̜̦͙̬̦̗̝̩͚͛̈̓̈́͆͌̉̔̃͘͜L͚̮̞͇̖̮̰̳̥͇̅͐̽̉̃́̽̀͘͘ ̭̼͚̫̜̯̟̫̤͕̌̽͐͑̔͐̔͠͝͝B̼̳̥̪̫̘̘̆̔͐̇̆͑̆͐̂̓͜͜ͅỞ̧͚̜̗͕͙͓̫̜̮̓͋̀̈́̍̓͌͘Ţ̨̡̟̱͈̩̳͈͇͗̎͆͑̒̃̽͛̽͘H̨͖̭̲̻̮̞̪̲͇̋̓̈́̽̎̅̃̔͆͘ ̧̢̛̤̟̺̮͔̖̭̽̄̋́̈́̊͋͘̚͜B̡̨̨̮̗̦̙͖̼̻͆͒̓́̐̓̈́͑̚͝Ȩ̯̗̜̞̼̟̲̮̀̀͛̃̉̾̑̕͜͝͠ ̧̛͇̱̖̩̟̤̲̻͉̅̌͛̓͊͐͌̿̓P̗̙̪̰̤̹̹̠̝̹͗̎̅̈́͌̿̎̌́͠L̩̹̼̺̤͍̲̝̙͍͐̊̀̍̊̄͊͛̑͘A̱̳̼̞͎͕̼̭̪͙͊̔͑̾͛̍͋̈́̽͝Ç̧̨̛͔̳̞͚̺͕͖̈̒́̿́́̈́͛͝E̜͍̫͈͚͖͖̬̻̖̊̇̀̀̈́̓͊̏͆̚D̨̧̤͖͖̘̭̤̘́͊̓̅̈̓̔̓͘͜͝ ̩͍̞͙̥̳̮̙̤̦̋͐͂̾̎̀̄̽̕͝Ḭ̧̨͖̮͍̻͚̜̾͗̿͊̿͛̀͒͒̕ͅN̨̫̱̘͓̹͈͚̯̈́̓̉͑̌̀́̓͂̓ͅ ̟̮̮̱͉̞͎̪̮̂̾͆̌͑̌̓̋̒͜͠S̛͎͇̙̫̗̯̬̥̹͖̈͊̍̇͊̎̑̕͝Ǫ̢̛̲̞̠̺̖̪̳͖̇̍̃̑̈́͌̚͠͝L̡̨̧̖̟͔̬͉̖̺̈́̈́̂̄̇̀̾͌̕͘I̧̛̱̲̗̞̺͎̲̠̅́̌͊̔͛̑̈́͜͝T̨̛͙̳̰͚͇̭̖͊̓͛̎̆̓̄̅̔͜ͅA̡̧̦̼̥͖̖̹͖͉̒͋͋̾́͆͊̕̕͝R̡̠̖̱̙̤͔͉̖̾̎̓͗̈͒̆̚͘͘͜Y̭̳̘͕̦̤̻̪͈̬̑̔̌͑̂̀̌̉̉͆ ̛̙̖̙̥͖̦̮̻͉̟͗́̀̈́̅͆̏̅͝Ć̠͇͍̤̱̫̹͔̹̹̍́̾̄͌̅͂͝͠Ǫ̬̭̝̮̯̥̗͕͋̑͛̆͐͒͊̏̒̚ͅN̡̧̮̹͙̤̮̤̥͍̐͂͊͗͊̂̊̈́͘̕F̹̤̫̱̰̹͕͇̖̞͑̌̊̓̽̏͆̀̏͝I̛͙̝̻̙̮̙͕͍͈̗̓͆̓́̽͛̀͘͘Ň̨̢̛̯͉͚̻͈̭̳͎͛͂͊͆̒͋̈͠E̢̛̠̯̻̖͕͕̳̦͚͒̂̈̿̀͋͗͘̚M̧̛̬̮͍͇̖̟͓̎̀͊̀͑͂́̅̓͜ͅĘ̩̜̪̞̜̱̠̝̹̊̍̊̀̌͂̈́̀͂̑N͖̬̰͖͈̯̝̬̗̯͊̾̆̐͋̋́͗͝͠T̢̢̹̠̤̙̭͍̥͂̽̏̐͂̿̄̚͝͝ͅ.̨̨̡̡̳͇͎͖͙͕́̔̀̆̒̎̀̊̄̀ ̨̰̣͍̣͎̮͔̀͒̇̅̏͒͐͋̏͗͜ͅ ̢̢̦̰͈̹̞̫̰̈́̀̂̏̀͌̔͗̃̕͜

So saying, it turned and left. Not out the door; it was simply _gone_.

Carmilla hadn't moved from where she'd slid down to the floor. Both of them... And it took a _serious_ level of emotional investment to seize control of the body...

She'd thought, for a moment, that it had been Will. Might even have hoped it was, somewhat. To not only match Jennifer's sheer hatred, but surpass it, and do so to _save_ her...

"Oh, _God_..."

There's always something worse. She'd known that, but hadn't thought to apply it in _this_ context. Bad enough that there was a legion of spirits contained within the Library that wanted her to suffer or die. Bad enough that the psycho they'd been talking to wanted Mattie dead. Bad enough that the Library wanted to absorb Mattie. It already _was_ worse than that.

It had taken _Laura_ , too.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer:** Still don't own Carmilla (the series), or any recognizable characters.

"I became intent on saving him through showing him that he was loved."

\- Joyce Johnson, Door Wide Open: A Beat Love Affair in Letters, 1957-1958

* * *

There was a long stretch of silence following the entity's departure. For the most part, everyone was staring at where it had been, _beyond_ stunned.

The one exception to that was Carmilla, who remained in a heap on the floor, staring off into space as her mind spun in circles.

Laura. It had taken Laura.

That damned building had _stolen_ Laura's soul. Desecrating her body hadn't been good enough, evidently; it just _had_ to go farther.

Like she hadn't already hated it before...

"E-e-e-everybody else heard that, r-right?" Perry stammered out.

"Unfortunately, yes," LaFontaine confirmed. "Laura's in there, too. Somewhere."

"Of course she is." Carmilla's voice was so choked with anger - both with the Library and with herself - that it was almost unrecognizable. "I should have known. There's _always_ something worse than just death. Of _course_ it has her. This damned school clearly hadn't done enough to her just by getting her killed."

"She died well before whatever the phenomenon that sucked in the Dean and the other spirits was occurred," JP added. "Perhaps, once we knew what the Library did, we should have guessed, but..." He shook his head. "I confess, for whatever reason, I did not expect this."

"Well... What are we gonna do about it?" LaFontaine asked.

"Do?" Carmilla echoed bitterly. "What makes you think we can _do_ anything? We didn't learn anything that would help us take down a sentient building, especially one that isn't even physically present, and I just found out exactly how effective an attack on the entity _wouldn't_ be. It's not like we didn't want to stop the thing before. And even if we _did_ have a plan, it's not going to just show up somewhere that we actually want it to be. We don't have its books, we don't know where Mattie is, so it has no reason to care about a single thing we say or do."

"If we could find the building itself, could we blow it up or something?" LaF pressed. "Would that be enough?"

"Blow it up with _what_ , exactly?"

"I don't know, something!" They shook their head in exasperation. "We have to do _something_ , dammit! It has Laura!"

" _Do you think I don't know that?_ " Carmilla seethed, and _now_ she was on her feet. LaFontaine took a nervous step backward out of sheer reflex. "Do you think I wouldn't do _anything_ to save her one more time? _I don't know how!_ I couldn't even do anything when that psychotic woman tried to kill me. _Laura_ had to stop her. Even when she's _dead_ , she can't stop helping people."

"That... would be more accurate than you know," JP said slowly. At her sharp look, he elaborated, "The Library called her User Number 81354. Of those within it, she's been recorded as being the most vocal in trying to get it to leave Ms Belmonde alone."

Carmilla huffed out a humorless laugh. "Of course she is. _Of course_."

"It isn't making her many friends," he continued. "Though, as none of them are in any way enjoying their imprisonment, precious few take particular exception to her efforts."

"Stoughton being one of them, no doubt," LaFontaine added. "Given her reaction to Laura..."

"Indeed." He sighed heavily. "I fear Miss Karnstein is correct, though. Even if we had access to the Library's physical structure and sufficient amounts of explosives, I cannot say with any certainty that we would be able to damage the core essence of it." They were all rather subdued in the wake of that statement.

Carmilla leaned against the wall, crossing her arms, frowning as she thought. If she couldn't get Laura out... Could she convince the Library to 'eat' her, as well? She wasn't as old as Mattie, but surely it wouldn't want the three hundred and thirty-five years worth of memory she had to simply be lost. If nothing else, she and Laura would be together that way.

Or perhaps...

Perhaps she could arrange for a trade? Not Mattie - that was obviously unacceptable - but Laura for herself? If JP could get used to being in a new body - and an undead one, at that - surely Laura could, too. She'd have a lot of work explaining _that_ to her father, but at least she'd be able to do so. If she had to choose, she'd absolutely want Laura to live instead of her.

Of course, that was pretty much exactly the decision Laura had faced when she'd acted to close the First Gate, and she'd _made_ her choice. She wanted Carmilla to live.

But this wasn't living. It was _existing_. She'd done it for centuries, so she knew the difference. She _did_ want to live, but maybe...

Maybe life wasn't worth living if she had to do it _alone_ , anymore.

The silence was broken by Perry, of all people. "Um, what... What about the anglerfish?" she spoke up hesitantly.

Carmilla, shaken out of her thoughts, gave her an odd look. "What _about_ it?"

"It's still kinda just sitting there, Perr," LaFontaine added. "I don't think we need to worry about it."

"No, I mean..." She shifted awkwardly. "If it and the Library were both on campus all this time, they must have been... aware of each other."

LaF frowned thoughtfully. "They both wanted souls, too. Seems like an unlikely coincidence."

"Not really," Carmilla disagreed. "Supernatural entities that eat, collect, or trade in souls are a lot more common than you'd think. I don't know how Mother lured the Library here, or convinced it to act as exactly that, but... Rival predators like that, they _would_ pay attention to each other. Maybe that's another reason why it took JP: it didn't want Mother feeding him to the fish, like she tried to do to you." Based on the past sacrifices, it had enjoyed smarter people being fed to it, whenever possible. (Maybe it was just as well Mother hadn't managed to feed Kirsch to it, then. Might have given the thing indigestion, or something.) That Laura had made the list...

Her investigation hadn't been getting anywhere at the point where Carmilla had been assigned to reel her in, so it couldn't have been because of that. Clearly, there had been more to her Cupcake than she'd really let on.

Well, if they _did_ end up in the Library together, they'd certainly have plenty of time to discuss matters, wouldn't they?

"So it's possible it might know something that could help us," LaF said, nodding. "Good thinking, Perr."

Perry gave them a strained smile. "I was trying to think if there was anyone else on campus who might know _anything_ about what was going on. The only other people I could think of was Corvae, and if they were down in the crater when _it_ came out..." Well, suffice to say, there was probably a reason nobody had seen any evidence of them around campus, lately. "But thinking of them reminded me about the _protesters_."

"Who are probably our best bet for learning anything the fish might know about this," Carmilla decided. "Let's get going." She wasn't going to get her hopes up, though. Yeah, it'd be _great_ if they could learn some way of freeing Laura or stopping the Library, but she couldn't count on that. If the anglerfish really did know something that would make it a threat to the Library, then wouldn't the Library in turn know that? Yet, it hadn't gone anywhere near the Lustig Crater. And there was also one other, minor but inescapable little detail.

The fish might not _want_ to help the woman who'd maimed it.

* * *

It was decided to let Perry do all the talking.

Not because it was her idea - though that certainly was true - but out of the belief that she was the one the protesters would respond to best. Carmilla had destroyed the Light, LaFontaine had been an intended sacrifice who'd gotten away, and JP was in someone else's body - and the body of one of the Dean's minions, at that. Perry, on the other hand...

Perry had given the protesters cookies.

Getting them to focus enough to actually _answer_ any questions was something of a challenge, but thankfully that also meant that the others could remain nearby and feed Perry her next line if she needed help without upsetting anyone. They weren't getting anywhere until Perry decided to use the name JP had uttered while he'd been linked in: the Library of Caesarea.

 _That_ got a reaction.

As they'd hoped, Lophiiformes had been quite aware of exactly what the Library really was, and what it wanted. She didn't seem to be happy to learn that it had seized control of a body... and _really_ didn't like learning that it posed a legitimate threat to 'The Rook' because it had the Blade of Hastur.

Carmilla was pretty sure some of the protesters were giving her dirty looks after that was mentioned.

The Library assuming direct control of someone's corpse was, unfortunately, an unprecedented event, so the anglerfish didn't have any suggestions on that front. Not in terms of undoing it, at any rate. She _did_ say that if they could find an appropriate weapon - LaFontaine made an offhand remark about a tactical nuke, and was mildly disturbed when the protesters, at least, considered that a legitimate approach - and used it on either Laura's body or the Library's main building, the effects would spread across the connection from one to the other.

The main problem with that being that any weapon that would be considered 'appropriate' would also have been considered for use against the Hungry Light last semester... and all of those had been rejected.

With one exception, of course, but if they had _that_ , they wouldn't really be _having_ this problem, would they?

While apparently willing to answer all of Perry's questions (as relayed through the protesters), "Lophii" either wouldn't or couldn't engage the Library directly. Given that it was stuck in a hole in the ground, the group's unspoken consensus was that she couldn't. At Carmilla's urging, Perry tentatively asked if she couldn't do with one of the protesters what the Library was doing with Laura's body. No one especially _wanted_ the anglerfish to have that kind of mobility - Carmilla in particular - but they needed to explore every option that could conceivably work, no matter how much they didn't like it.

Not that any of them need have worried. The answer, as it turned out, was no. Whether Lophii _could_ do it or not wasn't the issue - she flatly refused. She might well have been concerned for the safety of 'the children' - if so, that would mean even the giant fish monster was a better maternal figure than the Dean had been - or she could have been worried about the possibility JP had mentioned earlier. If the Library moving around in a stolen body might catch some higher power's attention, the anglerfish doing the same thing would double the chances of that. Or worse.

None of them felt like finding out what might happen if they _did_ do that, so they didn't push the issue. Two Lovecraftian menaces were more than enough for one college.

* * *

They hadn't stayed near the crater long after that last question. The fish didn't know how to track the Library - or at least, she didn't know any methods _they_ could use - she didn't know any weapons that might work on it (aside from the obvious and inaccessible one), she didn't know how to extract any souls from within it (though she was evidently smugly amused that they'd stolen JP from its collection), she didn't know exactly what it could do while in Laura's body, and she couldn't help them fight. As such, there was no reason for them to remain there.

Having nothing else better to be doing, they'd gone back to the house. Not that there was really anything they could be doing _there_ , either, but at least they could be more comfortable - and away from all the blank expressions - while they weren't doing it.

Carmilla retreated to her bedroom before long, and no one tried to stop her. It was obvious she still hadn't quite dealt with learning Laura's soul was trapped within an eldritch abomination, and she hadn't exactly been contributing anything to the conversation, anyway.

Not that there was much _to_ say. As things stood, they had no idea what to do next, and they'd already reviewed everything they had at their disposal. Unless something changed - or someone else another 'Eureka!' moment - there was nothing they could do.

Carmilla didn't mean to fall asleep. She'd curled up on the bed, true, but more out of a desire for quiet contemplation than anything. She had a _lot_ to process, after all, and while she didn't go in for meditation, she could sometimes do that better when she didn't have her eyes open, thus keeping her brain from having to worry about the input from one of her senses.

She hadn't really realized how drained the encounter in the lab had left her.

"Poor Carm," a wonderfully familiar voice said softly into her ear. "You're really _not_ having a good week, are you?"

Her eyes shot open and she sat up and looked around. Sure enough, Laura was sitting on the bed next to her. It was the first non-hostile dream with her in it that was set in the Dean's former house. For a moment - barely even a split-second - Carmilla wondered if it was actually happening, if Laura was somehow _really_ there. Realizing the truth was like a punch in the stomach.

Laura winced in sympathy. "Sorry, Carm."

"It's okay." The room even looked much the same as it had before she'd fallen asleep, except the light quality was... odd. It shifted and flowed, as if they were underwater. A look out the window confirmed that, though... "What _is_ that?" she couldn't help but ask.

"The nightmare corpse-city of R'lyeh." At Carmilla's startled look, she smiled wryly and added, "As interpreted by your twisted imagination."

Carmilla wisely didn't look out the window again. She didn't feel like dealing with non-Euclidean geometry, even if it _did_ only exist in her mind. "And we're here because... why?"

"Why do you ask me that like this isn't _your_ dream?"

"Unless you're _actually_ Laura, you're part of my dream, so you'd have a better idea than I would," she shot back.

"Maybe someone's got Lovecraft on the brain?" Dream!Laura sighed. "Look, Carm, none of this is your fault."

"If I hadn't-"

"No," Laura interrupted. "If you could speak to Laura the way you used to do with JP, she'd tell you the same thing. For good or ill, she _chose_ this. How _dare_ you try and take that away from her?"

Carmilla's mouth opened and closed soundlessly.

"Oh, and I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure the Library's a bit too normal to have originated in R'leah," Laura added. "It's also a bit too small, I think. Though, you know, that's not necessarily a bad thing. Place this big?" She gestured at the window. "It's easy to get lost in. Which, I suppose, at least means some privacy for us." She shook her head. "But you were right before, about how many things out there deal with souls. Maybe that's why we're here? You're worried that, if something _did_ set it up to collect souls for it, that it might come to check on its collection one of these days?"

Carmilla shuddered. "That would really be the last thing we need. Though I'm not sure the Library would _want_ to give them up. And a fight like that, none of us would survive being anywhere near."

"Well..." Laura kissed her, warm, slow, and tender. Carmilla felt tears threaten, it was so bittersweet. "...I'm sure you'll think of something." She darted a look at the window. "Something other than _Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn_ , I mean."

"In his house at R'lyeh, dead Cthulhu waits dreaming," Carmilla translated quietly.

"Quite." Laura smirked, just a bit. "Believe me, I'm quite aware that you can be dead, but still dream."

"What?" Carmilla asked... no one. Laura was gone. So was the alien cityscape out the window. She blinked and rubbed her eyes. Hopefully, if she'd been talking in her sleep, it had been quietly enough that no one had heard her. Maybe it was inevitable, given the increasingly bizarre situation she was in the middle of, but her dreams were just getting weirder and weirder. She honestly wasn't sure what that last one had been trying to tell her. Well, aside from the fact that she missed Laura, and was fairly sure Laura wouldn't like that she kept blaming herself for what had happened to her. If she could speak to Laura the way they'd done with JP...

 _Wait..._

She sat bolt upright.

Why _couldn't_ they do that?


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer:** Still don't own Carmilla (the series), or any recognizable characters.

"It still hurts," she whispered. "Even when you're doing it for someone else, that doesn't stop your ribs from getting cracked, or your wrist swelling, or your cuts from bleeding."

\- Jodi Picoult, Picture Perfect

* * *

Having _Carmilla_ zoom down the stairs, talking quickly enough that you had to be paying _close_ attention or you'd have no idea what she was saying, was an entirely new experience. Really, it was such a 'Laura' thing to do, anyone in the group who'd thought that her grief had finally left her slightly unhinged could be forgiven for secretly harboring that belief, however briefly.

Then, seeing the blank expressions she was getting, she made herself slow down and try again, at which point that belief would have begun to solidify.

"I'm sorry, you want us to do _what_ , exactly?" LaFontaine asked slowly. The three of them were sitting in the living room, where they'd gone from trying to figure out a way to do something - anything - to help Laura to mainly just sitting in depressed silence. Carmilla's abrupt, excited entry had left them all off-balance and scrambling to refocus themselves on the outside world.

Carmilla let out a frustrated breath. "Did I start speaking in Latin when I wasn't paying attention? I want to use your boyfriend's old interface to try and talk to Laura inside the Library."

"He's- That's not- Look, you don't-" Mercifully, JP cut them off at that point. (They hadn't actually managed to properly define their relationship with JP, and didn't think this was the time or place to do so.)

"That interface connects with the online search engine," JP explained. "I don't believe I ever experienced 'solitary confinement' myself, but from the sound of it, that would likely be somewhere in the archives."

"Then adjust it so that it connects to them," Carmilla countered, unwilling to give an inch.

"I don't think-"

"No, you clearly don't," she interrupted, leaning down to look him in the eyes. (He'd sat down in front of the computer, which was starting to seem like a bad place to be.) "Not if you're saying 'no' to me about this."

"Hey," LaF objected.

Carmilla swung to face them, insisting, "I need to talk to her! She's-" She shook her head. "I have to at least let her know I'm okay. Last time she saw me, I was a second or so away from being beheaded by a sword that can kill you with a mere scratch. If she's being locked away from any outside input, she's probably driving herself crazy worrying."

"I get that," they said sympathetically. "I'd love to talk to her, too. But that won't make the interface do something it isn't able to do."

"Are you telling me it _can't_ at all be used to access the Library's archives?" Carmilla pressed. "That there's _no_ way?"

"I'm saying that, if there is, I don't know enough about computers to do it. None of us do," they replied.

"Didn't the Library already make it clear what would happen if we somehow _did_ manage that?" Perry asked.

"No, _it_ didn't," Carmilla said flatly. "That lunatic Stoughton did, but she's obviously not a reliable source of information, is she? Besides, that was JP mind-melding with the Library itself. _This_ would just be us doing what we were doing with him: talking to someone inside it. It never minded that before."

"Truthfully, I cannot say whether or not it minded," JP interjected. "I believe it would be more accurate to say it viewed the entire affair as ultimately being of no consequence. However, we have since proved otherwise." LaFontaine buried a guilty wince. "On the other hand, if we were somehow able to access the archives... Well, they _are_ considerably more secure than the catalogue I was housed within. We would not be able to 'download' Laura out of there, and it would know that."

"It might also still be busy sorting out the chaos we accidentally stirred up among its prisoner population," LaFontaine offered, possibly feeling guilty for unintentionally making it even harder to carry out Carmilla's latest idea. Not that they'd forgotten how her _last_ idea had gone.

She had no idea what they were thinking, but Carmilla wound up reassuring them anyway when she said, "We wouldn't be hooking anyone up to anything, this time, so it _couldn't_ reverse the connection and pull anyone in."

"Um..." Perry began tentatively. "H-How did it work before? I mean, I _thought_ you'd downloaded JP _onto_ the flash drive, at first..."

"We would have if we could have," LaFontaine replied with a shrug. "That particular flash drive only has a storage capacity of thirty-two gigabytes. Even if his consciousness _had_ been entirely digital, I'm pretty sure it would have _vastly_ exceeded that. Anyone's would. So what we wound up doing was downloading some code that basically made whatever computer it was plugged into another Library , when the physical structure left, the connection became tenuous and increasingly sluggish, and it got harder and harder for Jeep to get anything coherent across. If he'd kept trying to be in two places at once... I'd been worried it might end up killing him for real, but knowing what I know now, the Library would probably have just yanked him back for good."

"But if the Library's in Laura, it is, technically, back," Carmilla pointed out.

"Maybe," LaF conceded. "But like I said, we'd somebody a lot better with computers than I am to adjust the settings enough to get us into the Library's archives. And even then... Like Jeep said, they _are_ restricted. I'm not sure it would _let_ us access them."

Carmilla was silent for a moment. "Maybe not," she finally said. "But it _would_ let the Dean do so."

"And you have her password," JP realized.

"Exactly. So all we need to do now is run through the school's nerd population and find someone who can edit the word 'catalogue' into 'archives'."

"There's a _bit_ more to it-" LaF began.

"Good, glad we agree," she continued as if they hadn't spoken. She wasn't going to let anyone get in her way, on this; she _needed_ to talk to Laura.

The _real_ Laura.

* * *

Carmilla couldn't help but be suspicious. Not just in this situation, but in general. Living with her Mother for so long... It was a survival trait. Given her penchant for chess - she'd even treated life as one big chess game - you could never _really_ lower your guard around her, lest you find yourself caught up in one of her stratagems. In her experience, there was _always_ another shoe waiting to fall, no matter what the situation was

The current set of circumstances _was_ fairly suspicious, though, in her opinion. The Bio Major and the Alchemy Club could manage to hook Will's body up to the computer and download JP into it... but couldn't manage to get the flash drive to connect them to the Library's archives?

Asking about that had just gotten her a lengthy explanation about proxies and transfer protocols and junction ports and... Well, it went on for a while, and they could have been making the whole thing up, for all Carmilla knew about the subject. Still, the Dimwit Squad was known for their loyalty to each other and their desire to help those that needed it, so she had to believe they were telling her the truth. As much as everything that was going on made her want to disembowel someone... _anyone_...

They eventually managed to find an appropriate nerd within the Alchemy Club, Suzanne something-or-other. (Honestly, Carmilla didn't care.) She was short - shorter than Laura, in fact, making Carmilla wish the two could have met before her Cupcake's death, as she'd on occasion lamented always being the shortest person around - and mousy, her shoulder-length brown hair was unkempt, and she had thick-rimmed black glasses. Really, she couldn't have looked more 'Nerd!' if she'd _tried_ , so maybe she was actively cultivating the look.

Carmilla still didn't care. As long as she could do what they wanted her to.

Suzanne was apparently known for her "leet hacking skillz" - a phrase she quickly promised to never use again, once Carmilla plucked the phone she'd been tweeting on from her hand and crushed it into splinters with no effort at all - and swiftly set about proving it by altering the flash drive's coding at the base level. (Well, that was what Carmilla understood out of the techno-gibberish she spewed the whole time she worked, at any rate.) It took her about fifteen minutes to do, and she repeatedly asked to be allowed to get a look at the source code the programming she was working on had come from.

She shut up when Carmilla flatly told her that would mean feeding her to the Library, and that she'd be _more_ than happy to help, if that was what she _really_ wanted.

Funny thing, that.

She was out the door with the flash drive the second it was finished, not bothering to listen to any words of thanks or whatever meaningless drivel the others were feeding the girl for her efforts. Given that her current temperament was best described as 'frustration mixed with impatience, with just a hint of agitation', she reasoned that removing herself as quickly as possible was the nicest thing she could have done.

She was just about finished getting set up in the Dean's office by the time the rest of the group caught up with her. While they _probably_ could have done it from anywhere, she'd thought that the security protocols on that computer might help convince the Library that this was an official request for access. Even if it only bought them a few more minutes, that would be a few more minutes that she might have to talk to Laura.

She held her breath as they ran through the steps necessary to establish a connection - a somewhat useless gesture, seeing as she didn't need to breathe at all, but some reflexes never went away no matter how many centuries one lived - and felt a burst of nervous anticipation when they successfully linked in. When prompted, she entered the Dean's password, and they had access to the archives.

That only left the matter of _finding_ Laura.

Given the age of the Library of Caesarea - the Theological Library of Caesarea Maritima had been a late 3rd century AD establishment located in present-day Israel - its archives were, obviously, _**very**_ large. (Even the ancient library had housed over 30,000 manuscripts.) The Dean also wasn't known for her uncertainty or for having the habit of just sitting around and archive diving. If they just kept selecting different areas at random, there was the concern that the Library might realize something fishy was going on, and cut them off, possibly for good.

Still, they had to start somewhere, if only to give themselves a landmark to work from. The archives were evidently divided into sections - much as a regular archive might be - which were in turn composed of clusters of what JP called 'nodes'. Comparing it to a regular library or bookstore, one cluster might represent a genre of books, while each node might be a different alphabetical listing, or a separate fandom.

Their first try resulted in the discovery of a collection of manuscripts from the 9th century, and an Italian gentleman who seemed to object to their "pinging" him, as LaFontaine called it.

Attempt two found a series of 18th century poems, though this time without any lost souls present. The third try... found Jennifer.

No one bothered listening to her litany of bitter complaints. The closest any of them came to even acknowledging her was LaFontaine noting that the modified coding was working well with the interface JP had come up with after moving into the Dean's house, and that the speakers were picking the audio signal up just fine.

"I believe that node was comprised of the Library's selection of self-help books," JP said dryly.

LaF snorted. "So it has a sense of humor, then?"

"Or it thinks they might actually help." He shrugged. "Either way, based on that, I think we have enough reference points to find our way around, now." He scrolled down the bizarre menu screen - it looked like nothing but a sea of gibberish to Carmilla, merely nonsense letters and numbers with no rhyme or reason - occasionally pausing to look at... something. Something that only made sense to him, evidently, because LaF and Perry were looking just as lost as she felt, for once. "The only problem would be figuring out where the Library might decide to lock her up. Miss Stoughton would be considered a severe risk to its interests, and quite violent, so it put her in a node that's rarely if ever accessed, to prevent any risk of her escaping. If nothing else, sheer boredom might eventually prompt her to start actually reading through the books there, whether they help or not. Laura, however, was more of a vocal agitator. Not aggressive, and she only took direct action to _prevent_ violence, so it wouldn't feel the need to punish her, so much as get her out of the way. Which would mean _distracting_ her."

"What's that?" LaFontaine asked, gesturing at the cluster he'd stopped at.

"The science fiction/fantasy section." He zoomed in on a sort of sub-cluster. "More specifically, the television tie-in section." He selected one node in particular. "Even more specifically than that, the Library's collection of Doctor Who audio dramas."

"How many does it have?"

"All of them, I believe."

Carmilla smiled sadly. "If she was there voluntarily, and could leave whenever she wanted, that would probably be her idea of heaven."

JP clicked on the node. There was a harsh burst of static from the speakers, with a barely comprehensible voice beneath it. "...freaking Escher painting with shelves...could have sworn there was a door over...don't know if anybody can even...maybe go over...oh, very cute...shelves up to the ceiling?...okay, try to find a window again..."

Despite everything, Carmilla couldn't stop a brief chuckle. "This thing's files aren't very thorough if it thinks _anything_ can stop Laura once her mind's made up to do something." JP, an expression of quietly amused agreement on his face, 'pinged' that node.

"...ow! What the crapsticks?!" Laura's abruptly crystal clear voice complained.

Carmilla tried to speak, really she did. But hearing Laura's real voice again, live and in real time, something she never expected to be able to do again... Her throat was choked with suppressed tears. It was actually Perry that spoke up first. "Laura?"

"Alright, whatever _that_ was, I'll start over," Laura said, sounding annoyed... and clearly speaking to herself. "I don't know if anybody can hear me, but my name is Laura Hollis. I am - or was - a student at Silas University. If you've never heard of it... Don't worry, you're probably safer that way."

"Why can't she hear us?" Carmilla choked out.

"I'm not sure," JP admitted. "The microphone is switched on, and functioning normally." He pulled up some kind of diagnostic screen.

"Of course, if you've never heard of Silas, chances are you wouldn't be able to access the Library at all, given that I'm pretty sure I haven't been in here _that_ long, yet," Laura was saying. "I mean, it's easy to lose track of time in here, yeah, but I don't think that's immediate."

"Perhaps this...?" JP murmured to himself as he did... something.

Once this was all over, Carmilla decided she was going to enroll in some computer literacy courses, or something. She was getting tired of having no idea what was going on.

"Son of a-!" Laura just barely cut her curse short. "Well, interesting side note: you apparently _can_ still feel pain as a disembodied consciousness," she said, voice clipped. " _Anyway_ , as I was saying, I don't know if anyone can hear me - though those shocks I keep getting make me think _something_ must be listening - but I'm in here because a certain _someone_ was opening the first of several gates to... Well, I'm still not quite sure where, or why she was doing it. It's not like I can sit down for tea with her and ask, or anything. It would have killed everyone at the school, though, so... I did something _really_ stupid. Hey, go with your strengths, right? Once I did that, though, something about the energies my body absorbed let the Library establish a link to it, then, once it knew how, it took it over and walked off - without even asking. Ancient beings can be _so_ rude."

"Tell me about it," Carmilla muttered, thinking of her mother's general attitude toward... well, everything, really. She didn't notice JP entering another command.

"...what?" Laura asked, sounding confused. "What was...?"

Had she actually _heard_ her? "Laura?" Carmilla tried, hope warring with desperation.

"...Carm?"

She had to press both hands to her mouth to choke down a sob of relief.

"You're okay..." Laura seemed to feel much the same. "Oh, thank God. What's going on out there?"

They took turns bringing her up to speed, since everyone wanted a chance to talk to her. It was bittersweet, though, since they knew she was not only dead, but that they could only talk because her soul was being held prisoner.

"You have to destroy my body," Laura said firmly once they were done.

"We can't," Carmilla replied.

"You don't understand, Carm. There are _thousands_ of us in here, maybe _hundreds of thousands_. I know you want to help me, but you can't just let them - let _all_ of us - stay like this forever. _Please_. Just... _end it_."

"No, _you_ don't understand," Carmilla replied, fighting down the tears Laura's words had evoked. "We _can't_. As in, literally, physically, _cannot_. Nothing we have access to would even make a dent, and the Library only pops up when it feels like it."

"It won't go far," Laura told her. "It isn't strong enough for it, yet, but once it absorbs enough memories - once it eats enough souls - it'll be coming for the anglerfish. She's probably the oldest living thing around, on this plane. Her memories, her power... I think that's why she wanted so many souls to increase her power, to do the same thing to the Library. Only she was underground, so she had to rely on someone else to bring them _to_ her."

"And Mother, for whatever reason, decided to stretch the whole thing out for centuries," Carmilla added. "Maybe to give her time to open those gates, or find a way to get rid of their guardian... which may explain why the Library was here at all."

"But because of us, the anglerfish is helpless. I _don't_ think we want to see what'll happen if the Library chows down on her."

"I get that, but we still don't have anything that'll work."

"No, but _it_ does."

"And how are we supposed to get _that_ thing away from it?"

"I don't know, yet," Laura admitted. "But it's the only way. Believe me, I've had plenty of time and research materials to look through in here before being placed in time out. Short of calling up one of the Great Old Ones, the only thing you'll be able to get your hands on that'll do the job is one of their weapons.

Recover the Blade of Hastur. It's the only thing that can set us free."


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer:** Still don't own Carmilla (the series), or any recognizable characters.

"It's one thing to go into a fight knowing you'll probably lose. Quite another to be told that to win, you must offer up your throat to be slit."

\- Darren Shan, Demon Apocalypse

* * *

Heavy silence fell in the wake of Laura's announcement.

Recover the Blade of Hastur? Even if they _could_ somehow do that - it certainly showed all the signs of being an impossible task - that thing was what had started this whole mess in the first place! And even if that _did_ make it appropriate to use it to _end_ things, too... There was also the small matter of the fact that, even if they _did_ somehow manage the miraculous feat of getting the sword back, striking at the Library's host body with it would still kill whoever it was that used it.

Carmilla was seriously beginning to regret ever retrieving it from that underwater cave it had been sealed into. No wonder the Cult of Hastur had buried the damned thing. All it did was cause problems.

"Laura... If we somehow manage to do this..."

"I know," Laura said solemnly.

"It would mean that you'd..."

"I know," she repeated. Right, she had said she'd had access to all of the available research information, hadn't she?

"About what you said before you... died. I..."

"I know," Laura said a third time, warmth seeping into her voice. And if she threw a bit of Han Solo into the words, that only made it clear that she knew exactly what words Carmilla was having trouble saying.

The phone rang.

It was unexpected enough that everyone froze, exchanging looks before glancing at the phone that had been sitting ignored on the desk. Given that no one knew they were there, and no one had really wanted to talk to the Dean when she was alive, so it wasn't likely to be someone who just hadn't heard about her death...

"What is that?" Laura asked, snapping them back to reality.

"The phone," Carmilla said tersely.

"It is?"

"The Library has trouble translating sounds it doesn't recognize itself," JP revealed. "The telephone system in the building was _not_ in any way connected to its consciousness, and no one ever really used it, in any event."

"Huh." It was interesting, but ultimately unhelpful. "So, who's calling?"

"Let's see," Carmilla decided, hitting the button for the speakerphone, if only to avoid being constantly pestered to learn what was being said. "What do you want?" she said by way of greeting.

" _So, is this how you're going to be saying hello to me, now, or is this just another example of your poor telephone manners?_ " Mattie's voice asked.

On the one hand, it was a relief to finally be hearing from her sister. On the other... "No, it was more 'I'm having the worst week of my centuries-long _life_ , and am really in no mood for... anything, really'. I'd ask where you are, but I don't want to risk the Library hearing you."

" _The_ _ **Library**_ _?_ "

"Yeah. Did you know the school's library was actually the Library of Caesarea?"

" _Well, that's a name I haven't heard in a long time,_ " Mattie said thoughtfully. " _Mother never called it that when I was around, no, but I'm not surprised._ "

"It also eats souls."

" _Oh, of_ _ **course**_ _it does,_ " she said, sounding as caught between annoyance and disgust as any of them felt. It was the first thing they'd ever all had in common.

"Yeah. Apparently, for their memories, collecting them being what the Library's all about. That's also what it wants you for."

" _...I see._ " Understandably, she sounded disturbed by that idea. " _From what you said before, though-_ "

"That wasn't the Library talking. Does the name Jennifer Stoughton ring a bell?"

" _Vaguely. Someone I knew in the 1950s, I believe?_ "

"You didn't just _know_ her." She quickly reminded Mattie exactly what she'd done to Miss Stoughton. "So, oddly enough, she really _hates_ you, now."

"Go figure," LaFontaine added dryly.

"And it takes that level of intense emotion to break through the Library's control of the body. Some of the souls in there managed to work together to take over long enough to let me know _exactly_ how they felt about me, but given that the emotion seems to need to be directed toward whatever the body's dealing with at the time - I can't figure any other reason why there aren't new people popping up every few minutes, given how much they have to hate being in there - only two people have managed it on their own."

" _Two? Who's the other?_ " Mattie asked curiously.

"She was gonna kill Carm," Laura said simply. The interface may not have translated the sound of a ringing phone very well, but it was obviously picking up the conversation just fine. "I had to do _something_."

" _...I see. I_ _ **did**_ _underestimate you, didn't I?_ " Clearly, she hadn't missed the implications of hearing Laura's voice.

That was fine with Carmilla. Spelling it out would have meant acknowledging aloud that her love was trapped within the Library along with the rest of the legion of souls, and that hadn't stopped hurting even a little. "You see why I'm worried the Library might hear you, then," she said instead. "So, as vaguely as you can manage, what have you been doing?"

" _Recovering some of the Library's rare tomes that I'd sold._ "

Carmilla blinked. "I thought you didn't know that-"

" _I didn't,_ " Mattie interrupted. " _I was hoping that they might give me some idea of what it was that you were facing. Unfortunately, given the few details I had to try and narrow things down with, they gave me too many ideas._ "

"We hadn't been having much luck, either," Carmilla admitted.

"Not until Miss Karnstein made a clever deduction," JP added.

"My subconscious keeps poking me about things," she said with a shrug. "If I can keep my id and super-ego from fighting, and avoid getting lost in any Lovecraftian nightmare cityscapes, I can usually manage to work something out."

"Did anyone ever tell you that you've got a twisted imagination?" Laura asked archly.

Carmilla went still. "Not while I was _awake_ ," she said carefully. Also... It had been partly obscured by static, but she'd heard Laura refer to the Library as a 'sentient Escher painting with shelves'... exactly what she herself had called it in that first odd dream.

What was it Laura had said in that last dream? _Believe me, I'm quite aware that you can be dead, but still dream._ She could have been referring to Elle and the rest of the anglerfish's victims, or that vampires were technically dead, themselves. But Laura - the real Laura - had seen Elle because she'd been reaching out from within the Light, begging for help.

It was tempting to think that maybe, just maybe, some part of Laura was doing the same thing. Far, far too tempting. But she didn't dare let herself _really_ believe that. Getting her hopes up like that... It was a recipe for _**massive**_ disappointment, on a scale even she had trouble conceiving of. Besides, she wasn't likely to be sleeping again before they made a move on the Library, so it ultimately didn't matter, did it?

"This is pointless," she snapped. "We have to figure out how to get the sword away from the Library. Laura's body is already dead, so we can't even count on it using the damn thing _doing_ anything to it."

"Not like that, anyway," Laura said. "There's a book in here - somewhere - written by someone in the Cult of Hastur, way back when the sword was first forged, and they learned what it could do. He never saw anything like _this_ situation coming, but he theorized that if some kind of homunculus were given the Blade - I guess remote-controlling corpses was big, back in the day? - the sorcerer's control over the body would be briefly disrupted each time it was used. They were trying to find a way to safely use it, I guess, but even that approach didn't pan out, so they just buried it where they thought no one would ever find it."

"So, if we could get the Library to use it on something, we'd have a window to knock the sword away from it?" Carmilla frowned thoughtfully. "Or use it _on_ your body."

"I don't know. That was just one person using magic to control a body, not... this." Laura sighed. "Not to mention, the effect it has on the wielder is somewhat proportional to they're doing with it. When you used it on the Light, you didn't actually kill anything, so you didn't die. I mean, you might have if you were human, but vampires can take more punishment. The Library, being what it is, would have an even higher threshold. I have no idea what would happen if someone like Jennifer used it, but since she's locked up just like I am, chances are we won't be finding out."

"So the Library would have to kill someone for this idea to even have a chance."

"Sorry."

"Not your fault, Cupcake." She still had a pensive look on her face. It was probably for the best that Laura couldn't see it. Aside from Mattie, she was the only one there who might be able to figure out what Carmilla was thinking.

They had to destroy Laura's body in order to set the souls free. They could only do that with the Blade of Hastur. They needed to get the sword away from the entity in order to use it themselves. Given the abilities it had demonstrated so far - there was no way Stoughton was even _remotely_ in the same league as the Library when it came to the power she would wield, and even she'd been too much to handle - the only way to do that was to let it kill someone.

And her existence had become so meaningless that she was willing to let that someone be her.

It wasn't entirely because Laura was dead, though that was certainly a factor. It had been building for a while, her growing ennui. There was no reason for her to _exist_ ; she should have died centuries ago. She was just... tired. Tired of _everything_. Laura had been a breath of fresh air, a splash of color in her dark and dreary world... but that also meant that now, with her gone, Carmilla _knew_ what she was missing.

At least this way, she'd be able to accomplish _something_ meaningful.

"Well, before we can do anything else, we need to _find_ the damned thing," Carmilla stated. "If we can offer it its books back, maybe make it _seem_ like we could be convinced to hand Mattie over, it'll hold still long enough for us to try something." She turned toward the phone. "Which books did you manage to get back, anyway?" Mattie listed off the titles for three books, which JP dutifully copied down. "Okay, letting it know we're having someone ship those back here should at least catch its attention. We can do that, right?"

"I probably can," Laura volunteered. "It's not really listening to me right now - probably because I kept yelling at it, before - but I'm pretty sure I can catch its attention, especially if it _does_ know I'm talking to you right now."

"Good. Let it know we'll meet it..." After a few moments of consideration, she continued, "...where the building itself used to be. There shouldn't be anyone else around to get in the way, there."

" _I doubt it'll show up based on empty promises,_ " Mattie interjected. " _Especially since you've no doubt made it clear that you_ _ **wouldn't**_ _hand me over, under any circumstances._ "

"I... am kind of in the minority of people who'd believe anything you said, in here," Laura added apologetically.

" _Even using the fastest methods at my disposal, it'll be a few hours before I can get even one of the books back there,_ " Mattie continued. " _If you wait until... seven PM, your time, you'll have something to back up your claims._ "

"That'll give us time to work out a few things," LaFontaine decided, giving Carmilla a look that suggested they had _some_ suspicion about what she was thinking.

"There... aren't exactly any clocks in here," Laura said hesitantly.

"That's okay," Carmilla said after a moment's thought. "Perry can stay here and let you know when it's time."

"She can?" Perry, who hadn't really been part of the conversation, was understandably surprised by that.

"Unless you _wanted_ to be part of the confrontation with the entity...?"

"No, no, I just... Are you sure you don't want to-?"

Carmilla shook her head. "I have to be there. Given my reputation within the collection of souls, I'm the only one any of them would believe would betray someone, even my own sister, to the Library to save myself."

"They... probably _would_ believe that," Laura agreed sadly. "I guess it's just as well so few of them were listening to me. Though, there was at least one person who was listening to _everyone_ and not speaking up at all, lurking in the section that houses the spellbooks. None of them made any sense to me, even _with_ the Library translating, so I can see how someone would be distracted, but still, that seems kind of rude, and-"

"Laura," Carmilla interrupted, a wistful smile on her face. God, she even missed Laura's babbling... "Just be ready when we give you the signal."

"Uh, right." Had she been physical, Laura might have been blushing. "Fair warning: I'm not sure exactly how long it'll take to get this thing's attention. Probably not more than a few minutes if I _really_ set my mind to it, but still..."

"Don't worry, we're not gonna get bored and wander off." As much as she wanted to keep talking to Laura - and she really, truly did - the longer she did so, the greater the chance Laura would pick up on what she had planned, and simply refuse to cooperate. Given that she was the only one who could get the Library's attention _and_ convince it they were serious... She hated to do it, but she was going to have to mislead Laura one last time.

Maybe that was _also_ appropriate. That was how their relationship had started, after all. And it was how it would end.

She was starting to hate symmetry.

"Okay. Mattie, hurry up and get that book here. The rest of us need to go find an appropriate target for the Library - or whoever's in charge, just then - to use the sword on."

" _And a volunteer to use the sword on the Library?_ " Mattie asked in a tone that suggested she also had an idea about what Carmilla had planned, even if it wasn't the right one.

"If we can stick it in the ground and let Laura's body fall onto it, that should be a non-issue," she said dismissively. It might well even work, so she hoped JP, at least, would remember it after... Well, after. With her gone, he'd be the only one there fast enough and strong enough to pull it off. "Let's get moving."

* * *

"I can't help but feel that there's some part of this plan you haven't shared with us," Danny said, eyeing Carmilla carefully.

She hadn't really wanted to bring Xena in on things, but LaFontaine had pointed out that, since this was something that affected the entire university, they kind of _had_ to have the Summer and Zeta reps there for it. Also, since there was so little outdoor lighting on campus, and none at all where the Library building used to be, it was decided to set up a number of torches (Carmilla had decided, just for the hell of it, to arrange them in the shape of a large pentagram), and she was fully willing to let Danny and Kirsch handle the manual labor. "Really? Such as?"

Danny's hair seemed even redder than usual in the flickering torchlight. "Such as what you plan to have the Library use the sword on, for starters. Or did you expect one of us to volunteer?"

Carmilla was looking at her watch as the time ticked closer and closer to seven. "One of you? No."

"Then wh-" She jerked in surprise. "Wait, you can't just-"

"If getting the body to fall onto the sword doesn't work, I'll be counting on you to end this." They were speaking quietly enough that no one, aside from JP, could hear them... and she was pretty sure he was listening. "Smash the prison, set the souls free, and let Laura rest in peace. That's the only thing that matters." It went without saying that doing so would kill Danny... and that, for Laura, she'd probably do it.

"Well... Figures we wouldn't agree on something until the end."

"Heh. Yeah."

They were silent for a long while after that.

It wasn't until 7:15 that the entity showed up, literally just _appearing_ at the very center of the pentagram. Carmilla and Danny had been standing nearby, just in case, so it quickly focused on them. "You wished to speak with us?" It was another new voice - female, with a definite Austrian accent, meaning she was likely a local - and not one anyone present recognized. It did, at least, mean they wouldn't have to speak to the Library itself, which their eardrums certainly appreciated.

"Laura told you why we're here?" Carmilla countered. The tome Mattie had sent via special courier had arrived at around 6:30 or so, and was firmly clutched in her hands.

"She did. I must say, that you're selling out your sister left many of us unsurprised."

She shrugged. "What else can I do? We can't fight you, she _did_ betray and steal from you, and this is the only way to keep the students of this university safe."

"You expect us to believe you care about them?" the voice asked scornfully. The body's face remained neutral, though, which was curious.

"Laura did. She died for them. For her sake... I'd do a lot of things. Can that damned building even _understand_ that? Or are emotions like that simply too much for it to comprehend?"

"It has many, _many_ minds within it. It understands human emotions because _we_ understand them." The body's eyes narrowed. "And we believe you are attempting to deceive us."

"Do you?" She held up the tome she had for it to see. "I've lived up to my part of the bargain so far."

"Offering a book and offering your sister are not the same." Nevertheless, the entity was walking forward, clearly intent on claiming the book.

Carmilla handed it off to Danny and pushed the girl behind her. "And you won't be getting either until we work out an understanding."

"There is nothing to work out. You will surrender the books. You will surrender your sister. If you do not, every single one of the students you claim to be protecting will die."

"If you're just going to take them anyway, what incentive is there for us to cooperate?" Carmilla challenged, stepping closer. _JP, you'd better be ready..._ "Be honest. You plan on killing or absorbing everyone here anyway, no matter what we do, don't you?"

They were standing close enough to each other that, had Laura been herself, Carmilla could easily have leaned down and kissed her. This being, however, only made her stomach clench. "If you believe that, then why are you here?"

"Because I have to try." She grabbed for the Blade of Hastur.

Things happened very quickly, even to her vampiric senses.

The entity... moved, somehow... and she found herself flat on her back, left cheek throbbing as if she'd been struck. (Odds were good she _had_ been, but too fast for even her to register. Not a good sign.) It raised the sword to smite her... and froze. JP, lurking behind it and waiting for his chance, shot her an uncertain look.

Carmilla was confused, herself. There was really no way Laura could have assumed control again - not with the Library taking special precautions to keep that from happening. Maybe the Library itself had stepped in? That would make sense, given that it most likely _did_ want her memories for its collection. She scrambled to her feet as the entity shivered, then lowered the sword. "Look at yourself," another voice said, and Carmilla felt her blood turn to ice.

 _No. No, no, no, no..._

"See what's become of you? Where that girl lead you? I did warn you, my dear. But then, even diamonds will shatter if struck just right, won't they?"

 _No, God, please, anyone but her..._

"Clearly, it's time we had another little talk."

Trying to shake too obviously with fear, Carmilla managed to force one word out.

"Mother..."


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer:** Still don't own Carmilla (the series), or any recognizable characters.

 **Author's Note:** I've been asked lately what kind of ending this story was going to have, given, well, how bad things have gotten for our girls. Assuming they can avoid the downer ending where the Dean and/or the Library wins, bittersweet seems most likely. Having a happy ending _here_? In the story that I started with Laura and Carmilla fighting, and killed Laura in chapter 3? That... would be kind of a miracle. (Sorry.)

"When you know who matters most to you, giving things up, even yourself, doesn't really feel like a sacrifice."

\- Kiera Cass, The Heir

* * *

If Silas University ever came up with an official motto, Carmilla thought it should probably be something like "Things Can - And Will - Always Get Worse". They weren't even all _that_ far into the current semester, and it was proving that in spades. Last semester - with the kidnappings, battles, her near death, and the anglerfish waking up, just to name a few highlights - had been bad enough.

But after they'd gotten back, the staff of the Voice of Silas had been murdered. Then Mattie had shown up with the Board of Governors to complicate matters further. Then she and Laura had been fighting. _Then_ the 'First Gate' had been opened, and Laura had given her life to close it and save everyone. **Then** , after they realized how close a call they'd _really_ had with the Dean having been right there in their midst, some _thing_ had taken over Laura's body. _**Then**_ they discovered it was the Library, which wanted Mattie. _**THEN**_ they found out the Library was actually a sort of prison for lost souls, and that Laura's was among them. And now, when they'd actually come up with a plan to set them free?

Her mother revealed herself again, having gained control of the entity's body and possessing the Blade of Hastur.

If there was anything good about their current situation, it was that they seemed to have finally reached a point where it wasn't actually _possible_ for things to get any worse. Whatever the Dean had planned, that was probably about as bad as it could get.

Of course, that also meant things _were_ as bad as they could get, and that they _did_ have to deal with the Dean and whatever she had in mind.

One way or another, though, this would be the last time she'd ever have to face her mother.

She latched onto that fact to gather up the courage to speak. "Well? What do you want _this_ time, Mother?"

The Dean _tsked_. "Now, really, Mircalla. I'm willing to give you a certain amount of leeway due to present circumstances, but that will only go so far."

"You're the one that said you wanted to talk," Carmilla reminded her, ignoring the use of her original given name. She hadn't thought of herself as 'Mircalla' in a while, now. To her, that just emphasized how little her mother knew her. "So talk. Who knows how long we have before the Library assumes control again?"

Her mother smiled slowly, which raised about a hundred red flags in her mind. "Oh, that won't be an issue, dear, though I do appreciate your concern for me." The hard look in her eyes made it clear she knew exactly how Carmilla _really_ felt about her - after the fight in the cavern, it would be hard not to - and didn't care.

Had she _ever_ cared? At all?

"I set this school up with you in mind, you know," the Dean continued, gesturing around them at Silas. "A college in the 1870s where a young woman could get the same education as their male classmates? Where there were no restrictions on whom one could be involved with based on gender or ethnicity? I realize you weren't exactly in the best of moods when I found you and brought you home, but I do hope you managed to at least appreciate that."

Actually... she had. It hadn't been nearly enough to offset what her mother had done to her - what her mother _was_ \- but she hadn't _always_ hated being at Silas. The rest of the world, for the most part, had caught up with that, however. Thanks to the internet, more information was available to the average person than even the most educated in her time could have dreamed of. She could date whomever she wanted, provided they didn't _look_ too different in age.

She didn't say any of that, though. She didn't say anything, refusing to give her mother an inch. Not this time.

"Part of that included acquiring the best library I could manage," her mother continued, not looking at all surprised by her recalcitrance. "After some searching, I found the Library of Caesarea, forgotten and languishing in twilight. Bringing it here took quite a bit of effort, but it was well worth it. Indeed, until now, I remained unaware of exactly _how_ extensive its collection of arcane knowledge truly was."

"You're the one Laura was talking about," Carmilla realized. "Lurking unseen, watching and listening to everything... I should have guessed."

She inclined her head in mocking acknowledgement. "Naturally. I confess, the girl did surprise me by overpowering Miss Stoughton to save you. Out of gratitude for that, I've left her alone, despite her actions being what caused this entire situation."

" _Your_ actions caused this!" Carmilla snapped, taking a step closer. "You and those damned gates of yours! What did you think you were _doing_?!"

"Haven't you learned by now not to judge things which you know nothing about?" She shook her head. Or, rather, Laura's head. Carmilla wasn't used to actually being _taller_ than her mother. "I have been stuck in this world for longer than you can conceive. I have not come so far just to let an insect like her ruin everything for me."

She'd love to know what her mother meant by that, and where she was supposedly _really_ from, but if history was any indication, she wouldn't be getting any answers. "Given how many times you've seemingly died or been sucked into oblivion, just to come back again, I think if anyone here is at least part cockroach, it's _you_."

"Amusing."

"And why pretend to feel any gratitude toward Laura for saving me, when I would have died along with everyone else on campus if you'd gotten that gate fully open?" she pressed. So far, the others were hanging back, letting her take the lead. Of course, they also likely had no idea what they even _could_ do, having been caught off guard as much as she'd been.

"There is a difference, my dear, between being killed and being _obliterated_. Even if you hadn't been able to get far enough away from the gate - and you could have, you know, if you'd just _run_ , and not looked back - all you would have lost was your physical body, and on the other side, you wouldn't have needed it. Had you been struck with the sword, you would be gone."

Yeah, that was kind of what she'd figured. "What does any of this have to do with you being in control of Laura's body?"

The Dean sighed. "You never were able to master the art of being patient. As I was saying before this tangent, the Library's collection of arcane knowledge is beyond even what _I_ could have imagined. As your Miss Hollis and the others fumbled about, I set about taking in as much of it as I could. As I'd hoped, contained within was everything I needed to know to gain control of both this body and the Library itself. No one will be unseating me; for all intents and purposes, I _am_ the Library, now."

Carmilla wasn't sure she entirely believed that. "Really?" she asked dubiously. "Just like that?"

"There was nothing sudden about it. I've been working toward this ever since I was ripped out of the curly-haired moppet." She held up a hand and waggeld her fingers, watching the arcane energies rippling around them. "Not exactly where I should be, yet, but closer than I've been in ages. Certainly an appropriate upgrade."

"Pretty sure Perry's just as glad to be rid of you." She smirked. "You couldn't stay in control of her, could you? She kept fighting you down."

"Had I had the time to make the proper preparations beforehand, she would have had no better luck than Miss Hollis did." Now it was her mother's turn to smirk. "She didn't enjoy that _at all_ , did she?"

Carmilla glared. "Careful."

Given that there was nothing she could do to the entity, and they both knew it, the Dean gave that warning all the consideration it deserved: none at all. "Since I know she would have been concerned about you, I've been letting her see what she's interpreting as a video feed, so she'd know you were still safe."

Or, Carmilla thought dourly, to torment Laura with her helplessness and enjoy her suffering. Did her mother think she hadn't been paying attention _at all_ over the centuries? "So, what now? The gate's _gone_ , after all."

"Yes. Miss Hollis did manage to accomplish a feat that should have been impossible. Yet, in doing so, she provided me the tools necessary to correct that." She smiled coolly. "Presuming you manage to hit it somewhere a bit less extraneous, the Blade of Hastur _can_ kill the Deep One. A sacrifice like _that_ would be enough to reforge the First Gate - indeed, it would be enough to open all seven of them. And the Library would get all of the Deep One's knowledge and memories."

So it had no reason to try and fight her. Yet, that statement also implied that it _could_ fight her, if properly motivated. "So it doesn't care about Mattie's, anymore?"

"Matska isn't going anywhere. On the other side of the gates are beings with knowledge and abilities beyond your imagining, just waiting to be devoured. The knowledge it would gain from them, the memories, the _power_... It is willing to wait."

"You'd let it have me?"

Carmilla stiffened, twitched, and looked around, spotting Mattie standing near the northern-most point of the pentacle. She must not have been all that far behind the courier she'd sent ahead with the book Lawrence was still holding - if only because the Summer had no idea what else to do with it, she supposed - having brought another with her. What she was doing there at all, though...

Maman seemed to be wondering the same thing. "What are you doing, Matska?"

"Writhing in disillusionment," Mattie replied blandly. "You'd really let that monstrosity take me? You don't love me at all, do you, Maman? Me, your most dutiful daughter. I had hoped, after all this time, that you regarded me as something other than a mere chess piece, to be sacrificed when I'd outlived my usefulness."

"Oh, that stunt she pulled with the gate makes it clear she doesn't care about what happens to anyone but herself," Carmilla snapped, injecting herself back into the conversation.

"Everything I've done has been for your own good, Mircalla," the Dean insisted. "But then, you've always refused to see that. If I had time right now, I'd explain-"

"Oh, of course you don't have time," Carmilla interrupted harshly. "You've never had time. We had all of eternity stretched out before us, but you never had time to actually _be a mother_."

"If you truly believe I care so little for you, Matska, why come here and present yourself to be absorbed?"

"Because you have, in the past, displayed a dismaying tendency to abuse and mistreat my little sister whenever she strayed even slightly off the course you set for her," Mattie said, eyes cold and hard. "And that building you've attached yourself to is hardly any better." The implication in that statement, that even the Library ould have made a better parent, made Carmilla's lips twitch, ever-so-slightly.

"Enough of this foolishness." For all that she espoused the virtues of patience, the Dean clearly did have limits to what she was willing to put up with. "If you have something to say, then say it. Otherwise, I have business to attend to."

"Not to you. But you can tell the Library that I have its books, and am willing to trade."

"Collections of paper, board, and wood glue," she scoffed. "The knowledge within them is still contained within the Library itself. They're meaningless."

"Well, then I guess I won't be needing this, anymore," Mattie said blithely, lifting the exceedingly rare tome she'd brought with her, and holding it out over a torch. The entity snapped around, attention _entirely_ focused on her.

̙̳̺̫̒͗̉͆P̜̣̙̫̀͒̈́̆U͔͔̤̗͆̆̒͂T̡̰̭͂͌͊̆ͅ ̨͉̼̫̀̉͊̀T̩̬̦͙̈̉͐̇H̨̥͕̘̊̃̕͘Ạ̼̪͓̀͂̅̄Ṭ̙̥̱͋͗͂͠ ̗͔̘͙̒̉̂͝D̢͍̃͐̔͠ͅͅO̹̤͎̓͂͊̎ͅẂ̺̺͈̝̾̏́N̡̨͍̣̆̿̀͆!͕͔̩̣͆͊̅̀ ̖͕̗͎͗̈́͘͝

Mattie's gritted teeth were the only sign that she was affected the words. Clearly, despite their mother's words, her control of the Library wasn't total, especially where its books were concerned. "Well, if you insist..." She dropped it into the flames.

The entity... screamed, Carmilla supposed, but that word was _woefully_ inadequate to describe what happened. It's normal speaking voice was torturous, but this was something else. It was technically a scream, but it was also an actual, physical thing. It smashed into Mattie _hard_ , sending her flying - and, not incidentally, smacking the book away from the fire. Mattie flew easily twenty feet through the air, crashed to the ground _hard_ , and stayed down. Had she been human, that likely would have killed her.

The attack - because what else could she call it? - had been directed at Mattie, but they'd all been staggered by it. She shook it off as best she could, because her sister needed her help. "Mattie!" she cried, running toward her.

She didn't get far. The entity - it was impossible to tell who was in control, just then - grabbed her wrist, nearly dislocating her shoulder as it ignored her momentum, yanking her to a stop as if it had been rooted to the ground. "I haven't forgotten our last encounter, Mircalla." Oh, joy, Maman was back. "I've tolerated your rebellious nature for some time, now, but that calls for a more severe punishment than any of the others." Just thinking about those nearly made her start shaking. The coffin might have been the worst, but it had _not_ been the only one. "If you want to be with young Miss Hollis so badly, I can arrange that." Carmilla froze, because as much as she actually _did_ want that, she couldn't do so while her mother was running loose with the powers of an eldritch abomination and possessing the Blade of Hastur. She wasn't quite sure she trusted Maman to actually let the two of them be _together_ in the Library, either. But it had a good, solid grip on her, and no matter how hard she tugged, she couldn't get away. Trying to turn into a mist and escape, or shapeshift into her panther form, simply didn't work, like the entity was grounding out her own powers, somehow. In desperation, she hauled off and punched it in the face... and it felt like she'd punched a three foot-thick steel door. Her _hand_ was in agony, but the Dean hadn't so much as flinched.

A sword - a regular, not-at-all magical steel sword - struck at the back of the Dean's head... and shattered as if it had been made of fragile glass. The Dean spared a brief look behind her. "Patience, Miss Lawrence. I'll deal with you shortly."

Danny looked momentarily flummoxed at how useless her attack had been, then dropped what was left of her sword, hefted the heavy hardcover book she was holding, and swung that, clearly wagering that the Library wouldn't want to destroy _that_ , too.

She was correct in that, but that didn't mean it had any more effect than Carmilla's punch had. "Any damage to school property will be coming out of your bank account, Miss Lawrence," the Dean said without bothering to look at her. "I suppose I should appreciate that you're finally starting to make actual friends, Mircalla. Your anti-social behavior could be quite wearying, at times."

"I'd have an easier time of it if you didn't keep killing them all," Carmilla snapped.

"Then keep them out of my way." With that, she flung Carmilla at Danny, sending both crashing to the ground, then started walking in the direction of the anglerfish. Carmilla was pretty sure she caught sight of Perry standing near Kirsch, whispering something urgently to him, but didn't have time to wonder what she might be doing there.

While she and Lawrence were working to disentangle themselves, LaFontaine broke out the enhanced stun guns they'd 'appropriated' from the Corvae team. Unsurprisingly, they were just as effective as everything else _hadn't_ been. JP's attempt at a surprise attack resulted in him being backhanded into a tree almost thirty feet away. The Dean sighed. "Well?" she wondered aloud. "Would anyone else care to try?"

A bucketful of salted herring hit her in the face.

She froze, a stray herring sliding down her cheek. Actually, they all froze, because while their attacks had been pointless, _that_ just seemed both foolish and suicidal. Carmilla, Danny and LaF cast incredulous looks at Kirsch, while the Dean's glare had a fair amount of indignation in it, as well. "Are you... joking... young man?" she asked slowly.

"Nah," he said breezily. He wasn't standing where Carmilla had seen him before, evidently having circled around to get a clear shot at the Dean. "If I was joking, I would have said, 'Three priests walk into a bar. The first one-'"

"Do you want to die?" She was definitely getting angry, now, probably as much from his antics as that he didn't seem to be taking things seriously. Carmilla might have been on board with that if her mother being angry hadn't inspired some of her worst nightmares over the centuries.

"If anyone's going down, it's you," he countered, making Carmilla wonder just what color the sky was in his little world. He pulled out his phone, scrolled through something for a moment, shrugged, and tapped at the screen... and music began to play. "Come on your deanness! Dance off, me and you! Let's go!" As Carmilla watched, dumbstruck, he started dancing. Her own preferences ran more toward ballroom, but she had to admit, the boy _did_ have some moves.

And the look on her mother's face was _**priceless**_.

Still, though, she had to wonder just what Kirsch thought he was _doing_. Danny seemed to have some idea, as she shook her head, muttering, "What, he thinks he's Star Lord, now?" The name sounded vaguely familiar, but she still wasn't sure what Lawrence was...

Wait.

Now she remembered. She'd never seen the movie herself, but she _had_ heard Laura talking about how she'd been pleasantly surprised to find that _Guardians of the Galaxy_ had been pretty good. And she _had_ said something about a dance battle, hadn't she? One that had-

Carmilla inhaled sharply. One that had been _a distraction_.

She _had_ seen Perry before, she realized. The Dean had said she'd been letting Laura see what was going on, and between them she and Perry must have come up with an idea. Perry was nowhere around now, but Carmilla could see evidence that showed she'd sprinted off in the direction of the Lustig Crater.

Given that the fish had said plainly it couldn't help them before, she had no idea what Perry hoped to accomplish. Hopefully, whatever plan they'd come up with would work, because she honestly had no idea how long Kirsch could keep this up.

Though the Dean did still look utterly _baffled_.

* * *

Laura had been understandably confused by the sudden appearance of what certainly _looked_ like a laptop on the previously empty desk that she kept finding her way to, no matter which direction she took off in through the stacks. Hitting the keys was useless, and the power button didn't even seem to work, but then, seemingly all on its own, it had begun displaying an audio and video feed that seemed to be coming from her body's senses. The Library taking pity on her, she'd wondered?

The horrible truth became quickly apparent, and she spent a minute or so uselessly hammering at the keys, yelling at her friends, trying to warn them. She was glad that Carmilla was still alive, but...

Perry heard her. She'd almost forgotten about the link to the computer in the Dean's office. She quickly summarized what was going on, but neither had any idea what to do. The Library either wasn't listening anymore, or the Dean had taken over to the point where _she_ was hearing Laura's desperate cries.

Laura felt sick. The Dean was walking around in her body _again_ , using it to hurt her friends _again_ , only this time she _knew_ what was going on. "Goddammit," she'd seethed. "Really? You're really just going to roll over and let some punk _vampire_ take over?" She was pretty sure the Library wasn't a natural being, and, being artificial, might not even _have_ a sense of self-preservation. But the Dean of Silas _wasn't_ the one who had created it, so _she_ didn't really have any right to merge with it, did she? "You useless collection of doorstops and paperweights," Laura snarled, picking up the laptop. "Either do something about her, or let me out!" She threw it at a wall, not wanting to watch her own body threaten her friends, anymore.

There was an explosion of light and sound, and a hole appeared about an inch in front of the wall. It was taller and wider than she was, ghostly blue around the edges, but black as night. If not for the light right overhead, she might not even have seen it.

Had the Library listened? Or had the Dean simply not thought the whole 'torment her via a channel to outside her prison' plan through? She didn't know or care, wasting no time in jumping through it.

It stayed open, luckily, which meant she could still talk to Perry. Better than that, she wound up in what looked like some kind of auditorium that went on farther than her eyes could see - and she wasn't there alone.

Whatever the Dean had done to the Library, the souls it housed weren't being kept isolated, anymore. Aside from those in 'solitary confinement' - like she had been - pretty much _everyone_ seemed to be present.

It was hard, even at the speed of thought, to get any kind of order established, let alone real communication. (Many of the souls didn't even speak English, and the Library was evidently too distracted to translate for them like it should have been.)

A lot of them knew who she was, given her earlier vocal efforts to get the Library to leave Mattie alone, and actually assuming control of her body to save Carmilla would have been impossible to miss. While neither of those things had won her any friends, _everyone_ was willing to admit that the Dean being in charge of the Library was infinitely worse. But while everyone agreed that she needed to be stopped... no one had any idea how.

To Perry, the conversation was an ongoing thing. For Laura, there were great stretches between responses. She'd say something, then wait, then Perry would say presumably say something back, but she had to wait more to hear it. Had it been like this for JP? Maybe he'd been taking notes during their conversations, so he wouldn't forget what they'd been talking about while he waited and waited and waited. Or maybe being in the online catalogue and search engine, both of which were geared more toward real-time communication (or that was how she saw it, anyway), made a difference.

Either way, it meant she had plenty of time to consult among the more cooperative prisoners she'd found. Professor Heigmeyer, a former teacher of Quantum Physics at Silas, was a great help in understanding exactly what the Dean was doing. Together with a few others, they managed to devise a plan and sent Perry off to arrange a distraction, then head for the Lustig Crater. The anglerfish, according to Perry, had said it couldn't (or wouldn't) do with one of the protesters what the Library had done with her body. The key words there, they decided, being ' _one_ of the protesters'.

Spreading the connection out through _all of them_ , however, was another matter entirely. Professor Heigmeyer was sure the energy would be diffuse enough for their bodies to withstand it unharmed, while their effectively hive mind meant that they'd be unified enough to make use of it as one.

But they knew that ultimately wasn't a winning strategy. At best, there would be a cataclysmic battle that would devastate Silas, and _would_ catch the attention of the Great Old Ones. (Avoiding _that_ was the other thing everyone agreed on.) At worst... the Dean would win. That meant coming up with something else.

That was easier said than done.

"She's still holding the Blade of Hastur," Laura argued, not for the first time.

"Yeah, _she_ is," Will retorted. He hadn't been especially happy to see her, but unlike her, the others had always been able to see what the entity was doing, which meant he knew how the Dean was treating Carmilla and Mattie... and, unlike him, _they_ were her favorites. Him, she hadn't even bothered talking to once she'd wound up in the Library, and was ignoring him even now. He'd served his purpose, so she was done with him. Unless he wanted to spend eternity locked up within the Library - or, as some others suggested, fed to whatever being had created it - he didn't have a choice but to cooperate. "If she's subsumed control of the _Library itself_ , we're not gonna be able to take over its puppet, no matter how many of us are working at it."

"Unless we _distract_ her," Laura insisted. "We don't need to do much. Just slicing a hand open on it would be enough." There were a few members of the Cult of Hastur present, as well, so by now, she had a _much_ better idea of how the sword worked.

"Thanks to Kirsch, she's about as distracted as she's going to get, and that's not even close to enough." He eyed the movie screen behind them on the stage that they'd been watching the body's sensory input on. "Gotta say, I wouldn't have expected _that_ , either."

"She's more confused than distracted, right now," Laura argued. "But if you were talking to her, maybe venting a bit, that might just be something she'd respond to. She doesn't like her 'children' getting at all 'out of line', does she?"

"You don't know the half of it," he muttered. "You realize that if you manage to take control long enough to use the sword on yourself, it would destroy _you_ , leaving us stuck with her in the again immobile Library for eternity, right?"

"Not if I _wasn't_ in control then," she replied, allowing herself a slight smile. "Her merging with the Library was probably the best thing that could have happened. We can destroy _both_ of them with one little cut."

She hadn't quite won him over, yet. "And how do you plan on doing that without being in control?"

"By making her _think_ I am. If we wait until the sword is near her skin - a palm, a thigh, whatever - and you distract her, we can create the _illusion_ that I have control." There were a few witches present, and between them and Professor Heigmeyer, they'd worked out a way to reverse the sensory input channel and basically create a hallucination for the entity's senses. It wouldn't last long, and would likely only work once, so they'd scrapped that idea fairly early on.

But it wouldn't _need_ to last long for this, and one shot would be all they'd have in any event.

"What the hell?" Will shrugged. "I think it sounds crazy, but you _have_ made crazy work before... and it's the only plan we've got. So let's try it."

They quickly got to work. It was do or die time... and they were already dead, so what did they have to lose?

* * *

It took longer than Carmilla would have thought for her mother to lose patience and start stalking toward Kirsch, sword raised. She could have killed him without moving an inch, but he'd evidently earned a much more _thorough_ death.

To his credit, he didn't run. He hadn't faced off against the entity before, but he had been told enough to know how useless that would have been. Instead, he actually dodged her first swing, grabbed the trident he'd stuck into the ground before enacting his unorthodox strategy, and struck the hilt of the sword with its shaft, deflecting the second one.

To the Dean's clear frustration, he kept dancing while he did so.

̯͎̑̃Ė̬̣͠N͖̦͆̌O̻̖͛͗U͍̒̏͜G̺̙̋̀H̯̫̉͆!̰̜̊͝ ͍͓̋͋

Clearly, she hadn't been kidding about merging with the Library. If that wasn't quite as bad as it speaking alone had been, the difference was negligible. She took advantage of his reeling in pain to grab onto his trident and slam it into his face, knocking him to the ground. She raised the sword... and a piercing, hypersonic scream shattered the air.

Mattie, it seemed, had woken up.

She didn't double over or clutch at her ears like everyone else, but the Dean _did_ stagger a few steps, making that the first attack to actually affect her. She _**SCREAMED**_ again-

The next thing Carmilla knew, she was coming to face down on the ground. A quick look showed everyone else was in the same situation. She was actually the only one awake, though Mattie did seem to be beginning to stir. She couldn't wait for her sister to get up, though.

The Dean was nowhere in sight.

She staggered to her feet and took off as quickly as she could manage - which wasn't very, by her usual standards - toward the Lustig Crater.

She was right that her mother had gone that way, but to her surprise, she found the Dean standing still near the crater's edge, her path blocked by a crowd of protesters. They were all humming, as usual, and had joined hands... and were enveloped in a _very_ familiar glow, which seemed to be holding her at bay. Carmilla decided she couldn't have been out for _too_ long, since her mother wasn't hacking them apart with the Blade of Hastur.

As she got closer, though, she realized something else was going on, too. The Dean was... talking to herself. She seemed to be carrying on a one-sided conversation, and Carmilla's still somewhat sluggish brain told her a moment later that she was likely talking to one or more of the souls contained within the Library. Another minute of listening suggested it was Will.

The Dean was standing there, resting the sword's blade in her left palm. Unlike Laura, whose arm had gone numb from touching it, she wasn't having any problems at all. "Enough, William," she finally snapped. "We can talk later, but right now I have another minor issue to attend to. Kindly-" She broke off, twitching once. Twice. "I've clearly underestimated you, Miss Hollis," she remarked, and Carmilla's stomach clenched. Whatever it was Laura was up to, she was evidently making her move. "Rest assured, once this annoyance has been attended to, you will have my undivided attention." She didn't seem to think anything of clenching her hand ever-so-slightly around the blade, or continuing to do so as she began to move the sword in the opposite direction, slicing open a line on her palm.

That was all it took.

The resulting shock wave knocked _everyone_ down, even the protesters behind their luminous shield. There was a _**horrible**_ screech, almost like feedback, _inside_ her brain. A pillar of light shot up from Laura's body, far too many souls to count streaking up into the sky as they were _finally_ able to move on to the next world. Miles outside of campus grounds, a second eruption was taking place, indicating the location of the physical Library, and a brief tremor shook Silas.

Carmilla stayed down, squinting in the intense glare of the escaping souls, for an objective eternity. Finally, blessedly, it began diminishing, then eventually stopped. The second it did, she was kneeling at Laura's side.

Because that's who was looking up at her. Those horrid black orbs were finally gone, and Laura was peering up at the sky with her own eyes.

Her own unfocused, glassy eyes. "Did it," she whispered. "I actually... d-" She slumped, and her already faltering heart stuttered to a stop.

"Yeah, you did," Carmilla choked out, not able to keep her tears at bay, no matter how many protesters might have been watching. "You saved everyone. Again. I just wish... I could have saved you. Just one more time."

"What's stopping you?"

She turned, wiping tears away from her eyes to see Mattie standing behind her. When she'd gotten there, Carmilla had no idea, and couldn't bring herself to care. "What?" she asked dully.

"There's still a spark within her," Mattie said, crouching down next to her. "It's fading, though. You have a window, but it's closing."

"A window... to do what?"

"Change her."

In her current condition, it took a moment for what Mattie was suggesting to sink in. "You want me to- I can't! I can't just... choose _that_ for her! If we'd gotten to talk about it, maybe, but-"

"You can talk about it plenty, if you act quickly," Mattie interrupted. "If she really doesn't want to be one of us, she can take matters into her own hands. This way, at least she'd be able to say goodbye to her friends - and her father - herself."

That was true, Carmilla admitted to herself.

"You're running out of time, Sis. If you really want to save her, it has to be now."

Carmilla was perfectly still for one more moment.

Then she tore at her wrist with her teeth, and pried open Laura's jaws so that the blood flowed into her mouth and down her throat, even propping up her body to help it go down. "Please forgive me for this, Laura," she whispered, "I promise, I'll make it up to you if you'll let me." The gash in her wrist slowly closed, then disappeared, and Laura still wasn't moving. "How long does it take?" she asked Mattie uncertainly. She'd never actually done this herself, before, not wanting to pass along her curse to anyone else.

"It tends to vary from person to person," Mattie said softly. "It could be seconds, it could be hours. Given how stubborn your Miss Hollis tends to be, however, I doubt it will be _that_ long."

For a long while, they simply sat there, Mattie crouched down next to Carmilla, who was kneeling with Laura's head in her lap. Carmilla honestly didn't know how long they were there. She didn't know what the others were up to. She didn't even know if they'd woken up from her mother's whammy, yet. She didn't care about any of that, either. The only thing she cared about was the moment when Laura finally twitched and stirred, then drew in a gasping, surprised breath.

In over three hundred and forty-four years on Earth, it was the most beautiful sound she'd ever heard.

* * *

 **Author's Note 2:** Um. Well. Next up, parting the Red Sea...?


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer:** Still don't own Carmilla (the series), or any recognizable characters.

"The length of one's journey to success is quite irrelevant if one has several reasons why the rewards at the very end of it is worth every sacrifice."

\- Edmond Mbiaka

* * *

Carmilla left Mattie to explain things to the Dimwit Squad.

She did feel a little bad about that, she supposed, but only a little. Maybe it could be considered payback for Mattie not having let her know she was coming, and putting herself in danger like that when Carmilla had told her to run to prevent exactly that. She didn't really care enough to figure it out, truthfully.

Her entire focus was on Laura.

Just getting her back to the mansion was a little harder than it probably needed to be. Having just woken up from being dead, and not having fed, yet, Laura had next to no strength. Carmilla would have carried her, but she needed one hand free to hold the Blade of Hastur. As such, she wound up draping Laura's arm over her shoulders and half-supporting, half-dragging her along. Also, since she hadn't yet fed, Laura was ravenous with hunger, and her only surges of strength were when she spotted one of her fellow students in the distance and tried to dash off and pounce on them. She wouldn't have been able to make it more than a few steps, in all likelihood, but Carmilla hung onto her, anyway. It would break Laura's heart if she wound up killing someone herself, after everything.

Once she got some blood in her, Carmilla knew from experience, her mind would take over from her primal instincts again. Then they'd be able to talk, and she could apologize, and plead with Laura not to hate her.

And finally say the three words Laura really deserved to hear.

It was a strange and mildly disconcerting experience, watching Laura chug straight from the blood container. She still seemed a little hungry once it was gone, so Carmilla could only hope that Mattie - or JP - would think to stop by with more. She hadn't thought to do much of any 'grocery shopping' during the past week or so. "How do you feel?" she asked softly. They were in the living room, sitting on the couch, with the now empty container on the coffee table.

Laura considered her question carefully. "A little more coherent," she decided. "My stomach doesn't feel like it's trying to climb up my esophagus and escape, anymore, which is nice." She considered it further. "Also, I think I could use a shower."

Carmilla couldn't help but agree. The entity's aura - or whatever it had been - had kept any smell from developing, but she was still dirty, caked with dried blood (from who knew how many people), and her hair was filthy and tangled. Still, she said, "That can wait a minute or two. I..." She trailed off, uncertain. She wanted to reach out and touch Laura, but fear - of, among other things, Laura's reaction once she had time to stop and think about what Carmilla had done - paralyzed her. "I'm sorry," she blurted out.

"For what?" Laura asked, frowning in confusion.

"Doing... _this_... to you. Without even asking. I just, I couldn't let you die. Not again."

"Is that... the _only_ reason you did it?" Laura sounded hesitant. Not hurt, not yet, but there were traces of something in her voice that said that could change quickly, depending on Carmilla's answer.

Oddly, she felt herself relaxing. "Laura, I couldn't let you die because I can't bear the thought of living my life without you in it." Laura visibly melted, telling Carmilla she'd been right: More than just wanting her to live, Laura needed to hear that she wanted them to be together, forever. "It took me over three centuries to find someone like you, Cupcake. Now that I've got you, I'm not letting you go without an epic fight. I'm just sorry that I didn't ever talk to you about... changing you, like this. I know I should have, especially after that talk I had with Mattie. It's just... I _adapted_ to life as a vampire. I never _wanted_ it. Doing that to you, damning you to this half-life..."

"I don't care," Laura said, shaking her head. "For you, I'd turn myself into much worse - and did, I suppose. Being a vampire... I know you don't think it's a good thing, but maybe, if we're together, it won't be a bad one, either?"

"With you, it never could be," Carmilla assured her, trying not to sound as choked up as she felt.

It was something of a futile attempt, but she had to at least try.

"Even when I'm driving you crazy with my latest crusade?"

"Even then."

"Really?"

"Laura, you were _gone_ ," Carmilla told her, completely serious, for once. " _Dead_. I had to deal with knowing that I would never, _ever_ , see you again. Talk to you. Hold you. After that... Yeah. I don't care how many windmills you end up tilting at, I'm not going anywhere." She took a breath, then - _finally_ \- said, "Because I love you."

A tear streaked down Laura's dirty cheek. "I love you, too," she whispered, then leaned forward and kissed her.

Laura kissed her. She'd thought she'd never get to put those three words together again.

* * *

"Helloooo, Silas University!"

Laura smiled into the camera. Her hair was still damp from what had felt like the most satisfying shower she'd ever had - Carmilla's... assistance, with that, had only made it better - and she'd changed into a Garfield T-shirt that Carmilla had found _somewhere_ or other and a pair of sweatpants. (She was pretty sure the clothes she'd been wearing were going to be burned, since even Perry would be hard pressed to salvage those.) She was still a little shaky, but overall, felt about a thousand times better than she had. "I'll bet none of you were expecting to be hearing from _me_ again, were you? Believe me, I'm just as surprised by this as you. I'm sure, by now, you've heard about what went down with the gate, and me, um, dying. Not to mention something running around in my body, terrorizing the campus. Well, I'm pleased to tell you _that_ situation has been dealt with, though not without some, shall we say, _alterations_."

She paused as she became aware of Carmilla, standing just at the edge of the camera's field of vision, struggling not to cry. "What?" she asked, instantly diverted from her news report. Some things were just more important. "What is it?"

Carmilla sniffled. "I just... I never I'd get to see..." Tears started streaming down her cheeks. "I'd have given _anything_ for you to be sitting there, filming one of your videos like this..."

Laura promptly abandoned said video, hurrying over to comfort her girlfriend as she began crying in earnest.

A short time later, she was back in front of the computer, making a few notations to streamline the editing process later. The public didn't need to Carmilla falling apart like that. Carm wouldn't like it, and, well, it was private. "Anyway, as I was saying," she told the camera, "it was actually _the Library_ that had wandered off with my body, and if you think that _sounds_ weird, you have no idea what it was like on the _inside_ of-"

Carmilla latched onto her again, apparently not done hugging.

Laura hardly minded being in her girlfriend's arms, so she couldn't _really_ be upset, but she _was_ trying to do something, so once the hug was over, she (politely) shooed Carmilla off camera. "Right, trying this again," she began, which was all she had time to say before Carmilla dropped down into her lap and...

Well, suffice to say, she wasted no time in shutting off the camera (unable to stop a giggle as she did so), and her disheveled appearance when she turned it back on - to say nothing of an equally satisfied-looking Carmilla lounging on a chair in the background - left little doubt as to what the audience had missed.

The goofy smile she kept trying to wipe off her face didn't hurt in that regard, either.

"Right... Where was I?"

"The Library," Carmilla prompted.

"Oh, yeah." She proceeded to bring her audience up to date on everything, including who'd _actually_ killed the Voice of Silas staff (she left out the part where Perry had been used as the murder weapon) and what the Library had wanted, as well as the Dean's (still somewhat unexplained) goals. "I mean, I was in there, and even I don't know what she was talking about. Though, oddly, I _do_ remember everything I looked up, or learned from the other trapped souls, which is... kinda weird."

"Well, you and JP have something in common, then. Something _else_ , I mean."

"Huh. Personally, I just wish someone had thought to bring a camera to the final showdown, if only to record it for posterity."

"We've been over this, Cupcake. Posterity doesn't-"

"-Doesn't care," Laura said with her. "Yeah, maybe, but come on... Kirsch challenging the Dean to a dance off? That is one of those things the world _needed_ to see!"

"Yeah, well, if I'd known _that_ was going to happen..." She shrugged, then allowed, "Her expression _was_ pretty priceless."

"I _know_ , right?" Laura turned back to the camera. "Anyway..." She finished up her story, trying not to dwell _too_ much on just who it was she'd been working with. (Will hadn't made many friends on campus, and nobody _anywhere_ really liked the Cult of Hastur.) "Professor Heigmeyer must have been one heck of a teacher. I'm sure our quantum physics department is poorer for his loss. I don't know how he died, yet - but I _will_ be looking into it," she assured her audience.

Carmilla chuckled quietly. "The more things change..."

Laura smiled. She couldn't help it. "And don't you forget it."

* * *

There was a general level of pandemonium when the others finally made it back to the house. Mattie must have explained at least some of what had happened, because none of them were questioning whether or not Laura was actually herself. There was much hugging, and excited chattering, and more hugging.

In retrospect, she probably should have thought about it before letting Danny pull her into a hug. Danny had just been so _happy_ to have her back, and Laura was feeling warm and buoyant from the general attitude of good cheer. When she wound up pressed up against Danny, nose pressed up against her neck, and her mouth started watering...?

Un. Good.

"Um, D-Danny? You should probably..."

"I know, I just..." Danny sounded choked up, so Laura was pretty sure she _didn't_ actually know how much danger she was placing herself in by not letting go when she had the chance. "I just need a minute."

Laura inhaled deeply, taking in more of Danny's _amazing_ scent, and felt he control start slipping away from her. "Oh, my God," she breathed, because _wow_ , did she smell good. "Uh, Carm? I need you to stop me, because I am about _two seconds_ away from just..."

"Not a problem." Carmilla's hands were pulling at her, but she couldn't make her own grip on Danny falter, by that point. "Laura, let go," Carmilla said sternly.

"I'm... trying..." Her body didn't _want_ Danny to get away, though.

Carmilla, however, was older, stronger, and must have known pressure points or something, because she was able to loosen Laura's grip enough to pull her free, yanking her to the other side of the couch. Given that Laura hadn't actually _wanted_ to hurt Danny, she didn't put up much of a fight.

"What was _that_ about?" Danny asked warily.

"She almost _ate you_ , idiot," Carmilla snapped, though she was tenderly rubbing Laura's back to reassure her that it was okay, that she hadn't done anything wrong. (She was, admittedly, keeping a grip on her arm as well, just in case.) "Maybe you should keep your distance until you stop looking so delicious?"

Danny's eyes widened. She was so used to Laura being, well, Laura (about as much of a non-threat as anyone at Silas ever could be), that even knowing she was a vampire, now, it hadn't even occurred to her that she might be in any danger. "And when will that be?"

Carmilla considered that. "Once she's fed enough, that should help. Give it a day or two after that, and there shouldn't be any problems. Until then, if you lure her into biting you, however unintentionally, she won't be able to stop. She hasn't learned how to know when to do so, yet, or how to keep you from bleeding to death even after she did." To Laura, she added, "We're going to be working on that. Some of it's instinctive, but not everything. Don't worry, though. I won't let you hurt anyone while you're learning."

Laura visibly relaxed. "Thanks, Carm. And, um, sorry about that, Danny. I swear, I didn't mean to..."

"No, no. You did try to warn me to back off," Danny admitted. "This is kind of a new experience for all of us, I guess. We'll figure it out, though."

"We always do," Laura agreed. "You know, eventually."

She just had to make sure to do so before she had any... accidents.

* * *

Her friends saw little of Laura over the next three days as she was given intensive tutoring in the basics of being a vampire... except for JP. Laura decided that, even if he seemed to be doing okay, he could probably benefit from actual instruction, too. (And maybe part of her didn't want to be the _only one_ who needed to be _told_ how to manage her drives and instincts. Another part of her, though, wanted one of her friends there, too, both for support and to at least make it _seem_ more like fun and less like something she had to learn or people would _die_.) He agreed readily, suggesting that maybe he hadn't been quite as confident in his control as he let on.

He did have the advantage of Will's body having been changed into a vampire some time ago, though. Carmilla assured her that having trouble reining in their instincts was something that was common to all 'newborn' vampires, and that would fade as she settled into her 'new' body. As Carmilla herself had proven last semester, even starving, she'd still had enough control to refrain from attacking anyone.

Having some idea of what she might have been going through at the time, now, Laura profusely apologized for the starvation diet, and promised to never, ever do that to her again. (Not that she'd intended to ever do so even _before_ she'd died.)

One thing the others did insist on doing - and Carmilla was actually entirely on board with - was make sure that Laura knew she had their full confidence and support. They _knew_ she could learn what she needed to, and had plenty to keep themselves busy with, so there was no need to rush. They'd still be there waiting when she was ready.

Things were actually _less_ tense on campus, now. Mattie had discovered, to her utter lack of surprise, that their mother had actually been the one ultimately in charge of the Corvae Corporation. (Which meant that any consulting she'd done with them, rather than further establish her independence from Maman, had instead tied her _further_ to her, which would have frustrated and annoyed anyone.) What _had_ been a surprise, however, was that, as her eldest 'child', Mattie stood a good chance of inheriting control of the company now that the Dean was utterly, unequivocally dead. The lawyers were sorting that out, but in the short term, it meant she had plenty of money to see to the continued funding of Silas. Whatever twisted logic she'd been following, the Dean _had_ established Silas with Carmilla in mind; Mattie was perfectly willing to keep it in operation for her sister's sake, too.

Whether Carmilla personally cared about the university or not, Laura had gone through hell and back saving it. She could put up with being there for a few more years, at least.

There wasn't any particular reason for the Summers or Zetas to continue sending their representatives, Kirsch and Danny did stop by now and then to keep them informed of what was going on out there on the campus. When Laura, still not used to her newly enhanced hearing, had overheard Kirsch call Danny "D-Bear", she'd been unable to stop giggling for about four straight minutes.

It was actually during such an update that Danny got her first indication how Laura's training was going: a sudden yelp behind her. A startled look showed that Carmilla had apparently grabbed Laura by the hair to stop a potential lunge at Danny. "Thanks, Carm," Laura said pleasantly enough.

"Not a problem," Carmilla replied evenly. Listening to them, one got the impression this sort of thing was perfectly normal, and had happened often enough that neither thought anything of it, by that point.

Really, past the initial surprise, even Danny wasn't overly phased, anymore. (One couldn't be a Junior at Silas University without having learned how to adjust to weird situations.) "So, how's it coming?"

"I'm getting better," Laura told her, sitting on the arm of the couch once Carmilla released her. Danny was sitting at the other end of it, so she felt reassured enough that Laura wasn't about to lose control. "Slowly, obviously, but there's definite progress being made."

"Good to hear. We were just discussing why Kirsch will _not_ be helping us with an off the books Adonis Hunt."

"Are you sure?" Kirsch asked. "Cuz, I mean, I know it means a lot to you. Um, all of you, I mean."

"After, well, _everything_..." She gestured vaguely at Laura. "None of the sisters are all that interested in a hunt right now. Not even Mel. She also said something about how a guy willing to face down an eldritch abomination with nothing but a bucket full of salted herring, a trident, and his best dance moves didn't deserve an arrow to the face... which makes me wonder just what might have happened if we _had_ had the hunt, honestly."

Laura's eyes widened. "You think she would have...?"

"Mel... has issues with men." Danny declined to go into details about that, respecting her Summer sister's privacy.

"Maybe she smelled his cologne," Laura said, making a face when Kirsch wandered closer. "Kirsch, what _are_ you wearing?"

He seemed more confused than insulted. "Um... The same thing I was wearing last time I was here."

"No," Laura disagreed. " _That_ is a smell I would remember."

"He was, actually," Carmilla told her. At least now Laura knew why she was leaning against the wall, keeping her distance. "Your nose just wasn't able to _really_ pick up on it, at the time." To the others, she explained, "We haven't really even started learning how to deal with certain levels of sensory input." Learning how to deal with loud sounds without being crippled by them was actually next. She turned back to Laura, adding, "He's actually been wearing that since last semester."

"Will gave it to me, actually." As he usually did, Kirsch sounded a bit more subdued when talking about Will. (Laura _really_ wished she'd gotten to see him being introduced to JP.) "He said it might help keep me from attracting, uh... the wrong kind of girl." He shot an apologetic look at Carmilla.

Laura blinked in surprise. "He gave you a cologne that would discourage vampires..."

"Anyone with a supernaturally acute sense of smell," Carmilla corrected.

"...and then kept hanging around you anyway?" Laura finished,

"Yeah." Kirsch shrugged. "He wasn't a good guy, but... he was a bro."

"Huh."

"Maybe you should give some of that cologne to Big Red," Carmilla suggested. "Might just keep her alive." She'd shifted slightly, looking ready to pounce if she needed to. A quick glance to the side explained why, and Danny jumped upon seeing that, in her moment of inattention, Laura had moved from the far arm of the couch to _inches_ away.

"Danny," Laura whispered, looking at her with unnerving intensity. "Can I bite you?"

"Well, at least you're _asking_ , now," Danny muttered, and Laura buried a guilty wince. "I don't know," she said louder in a slow, wary voice. She directed a look at Carmilla. " _Can_ she?"

Understanding the real question, Carmilla shook her head. "No. We're not ready for a test run, yet."

"I don't necessarily mean now," Laura insisted, not sounding all that disappointed by the refusal, which was actually encouraging. "Later, when I actually do have control. I just thought I should, you know, raise the subject now."

Danny's expression was still wary. "Well, when you _do_ have control, we'll talk." When Laura brightened, Danny flatly told her, "That was _not_ a yes. That was me saying that, once I know you wouldn't kill me by mistake, we'd _talk_. Actually _inviting_ a vampire bite is something it would take me a _while_ to wrap my head around." Laura started giving her this _look_ that... "Seriously? A vampire with puppy dog eyes?" she asked incredulously.

"God help you if she starts pouting," Carmilla told her, amused.

Laura blurred into motion, gave Danny a quick kiss on the cheek, and was back in her original position on the arm of the couch before Danny even finished turning to look at her again. "That's okay," she said breezily, as if nothing had happened. "Like I said, I'm still practicing."

"Practicing how, exactly?"

"I'm not sure where they found them, but LaF got us these sort of Simulaid-type things: synthetic skin that's easy enough to repair, motorized hearts that record exactly how much blood is in the body at any given time, simplified but otherwise complete circulatory systems... They're _really_ cool."

"They probably borrowed them from the homuculid anatomy course or something," Carmilla said with a shrug. "Helpful enough, though. Certainly better than the 'trial and error' approach." But then, her mother never had cared all that much about collateral damage.

The front door opened and closed quickly, and moments later Perry bustled into the room. "Oh, good, you're all okay," she said, just managing not to sound breathless.

"Why would we not be?" Laura asked.

"Well... It's kind of... raining... piranhas?" She shrugged. "No one seems to know why. Not that I really stuck around to ask, because, well, _teeth from the sky_."

Laura stared at her, blinked... then positively lit up, swiftly dashing for her computer. "I'll need all the details you can give me!" she called cheerfully.

Carmilla shook her head fondly. The more things changed, indeed.


End file.
